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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave one girls name off the team card?

533 replies

GinAtMerlottes · 16/12/2020 14:33

DD (10) joined a sports team in September. There is 9 of them in the team and two or three who train with them but aren’t in the official team.
The coach is a volunteer and she puts in so so much effort with the girls and is just so lovely. The team in this iteration is new and this is her first year coaching also.

I sent a message to all the other parents to see if they wanted to contribute to a joint gift. Quite a few did so I set up a PayPal pool and set the amount for £10. In the end everyone contributed, and the training kids put in £5 and we got 100 odd quid. Bought some vouchers and am going to give them along with a card and wine tonight.

One set of parents didn’t respond at all to any messages about the present and didn’t mention it to me at training either. No problem at all but it does mean every others kids name is on the card but not theirs. They are very involved with the team and the sport so no doubt they’ve done their own thing or whatever but WIBU to leave this girls name off?

I also arrange the teacher collection at school and don’t set an amount for that and have just written “from class” in the cards regardless of who has actually contributed. But this is a sports team they elect to join so feels a bit different.

Small issue but preoccupying me this morning. I try and be very inclusive etc in everything and doesn’t sit well to leave off one name.

OP posts:
Elfieishere · 16/12/2020 15:13

This reply has been deleted

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SeptemberAlexandra · 16/12/2020 15:13

YABU. Missing one child out is mean and spiteful.

TrialOfStyle · 16/12/2020 15:14

Iv also known people that don’t have spare money but they would still put in. It is only £10. It’s not a huge deal of money. Doing a collection at a £1 isn’t going to buy anything decent is it confused

You can't seriously be so out of touch that you don't realise £10 IS a lot to some people? Hmm

Elfieishere · 16/12/2020 15:14

@GinAtMerlottes

Grin honestly this place is incredible. It never changes. You’re all winding each other up now and the outrage and horror and people being devastated and terrified for my children and so so thankful they don’t know me has started, so I’ll leave you to it.

And to confirm, I’ve just done the card and I’ve written all the names of the people who contributed.

Same old MN 😉😂
KillingEvenings · 16/12/2020 15:14

Well, just to go against the grain, I was once in charge of a similar collection and got told of by other parents for including two children whose parents hadn't paid in as they hadn't agreed to subsidise their contribution.

There could be a thousand reasons they haven't replied but maybe they are doing their own cards and present.

In your shoes I'd probably see if I couldn't find a way to sign it generically, or bring a pen and see if they want to sign it at the time. They may say "no thank you we are JW" or "no thank you, we already gave a card" or "Oh god thanks, I kept meaning to reply. Can I give you money now" in which case you can graciously decline but encourage them to sign the card.

But you really are never going to make everyone happy.

(as for exlcusion, I agree. Palease. You've given the family opportunity to join in and do you really think the coach is going to hold it against the child???)

ClaireP20 · 16/12/2020 15:14

@GinAtMerlottes

Grin honestly this place is incredible. It never changes. You’re all winding each other up now and the outrage and horror and people being devastated and terrified for my children and so so thankful they don’t know me has started, so I’ll leave you to it.

And to confirm, I’ve just done the card and I’ve written all the names of the people who contributed.

Haha don't sweat it OP, some people are just crazy...xx
ChaToilLeam · 16/12/2020 15:14

There are a million and one reasons why the parents didn’t chip in. Don’t leave the girl’s name off, she does not make the financial decisions in that home.

WorraLiberty · 16/12/2020 15:14

@peboh

"It's only a tenner" Is that really something we say these days? A tenner to you or I may be practically a £100 to other parents. Not everybody has a spare tenner lying around, especially this close to Christmas. The thing that bothers me the most about mumsnet is a complete lack of empathy for anybody that isn't financially comfortable.
I know it's cringeworthy isn't it?

I'm not sure what planet some people are living on but it's sure as hell not this one.

LimitIsUp · 16/12/2020 15:14

"And to confirm, I’ve just done the card and I’ve written all the names of the people who contributed."

Bit pointless asking really, when clearly you had already made up your mind

myhobbyisouting · 16/12/2020 15:15

"Maybe chuck in if she tries harder at school then they did also then she won’t have to embarrass her own children."

Two prefects on one thread! It's like Christmas has come early Grin

Suckmyfatone · 16/12/2020 15:15

And to confirm, I’ve just done the card and I’ve written all the names of the people who contributed

Why post then? That's what you always intended to do all along. You weren't seeking opinions at all.

CabinClose · 16/12/2020 15:15

There’s a good chance you’ve been the one who excluded her because you’ve put a set amount of £10 for a gift for a team coach in a year when many many people have lost income. So write something inclusive.

Elfieishere · 16/12/2020 15:15

@TrialOfStyle

Iv also known people that don’t have spare money but they would still put in. It is only £10. It’s not a huge deal of money. Doing a collection at a £1 isn’t going to buy anything decent is it confused

You can't seriously be so out of touch that you don't realise £10 IS a lot to some people? Hmm

I don’t know anyone in my life that would struggle to find a tenner and I’m far from eating caviar for brunch kind of women.
changedmynameforChristmas · 16/12/2020 15:16

@GinAtMerlottes

Grin honestly this place is incredible. It never changes. You’re all winding each other up now and the outrage and horror and people being devastated and terrified for my children and so so thankful they don’t know me has started, so I’ll leave you to it.

And to confirm, I’ve just done the card and I’ve written all the names of the people who contributed.

Well it was obvious you were going to do that !
katy1213 · 16/12/2020 15:16

'Tis the season to be petty - tralalalala

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 16/12/2020 15:16

Elfieishere. It isn't about deciding not to find the money, little miss me and mine are alright JackAngry. Poverty isn't a choice. I suppose mocking the poor while sitting there all smug gives your ego a boost. Remember though What goes around sooner or later tends to come around.

Elfieishere · 16/12/2020 15:16

@myhobbyisouting

"Maybe chuck in if she tries harder at school then they did also then she won’t have to embarrass her own children."

Two prefects on one thread! It's like Christmas has come early Grin

😂😂😂
WorraLiberty · 16/12/2020 15:16

@GinAtMerlottes

Grin honestly this place is incredible. It never changes. You’re all winding each other up now and the outrage and horror and people being devastated and terrified for my children and so so thankful they don’t know me has started, so I’ll leave you to it.

And to confirm, I’ve just done the card and I’ve written all the names of the people who contributed.

I'm not terrified for your children but I do pity them and the rest of the parents.

Still it's barely been 3 months, so they'll work out what your are soon enough.

KillingEvenings · 16/12/2020 15:17

Also, what a strange scenario people are painting where the gift and card gets presented to fanfare and the names all read aloud and the crowd turns to the girl who's name is missing and gasps in horror.

As if. One parent will hand an envelope to the coach and say thanks so much. Coach will say thank you and open in her own time

caringcarer · 16/12/2020 15:17

You should not have prescribed a fixed amount. Why not just leave parents to donate anonymously and send gift from the team. You are assuming everyone can afford £10 but maybe they can't. It would be vindictive to leave one child's name off gift especially as you say they are heavily involved. Do you really need to ask?

SheldonesqueIsUnwell · 16/12/2020 15:17

You should have just left the card out for those who wanted to sign.

It would have saved you the angst.

But as your tone out-tones most and you were always going to leave the child out anyway, I reckon you were always here for the glory or to get the buns flying.

CabinClose · 16/12/2020 15:17

@Elfieishere Summing up the problem with the type of people running this country. Use your imagination. Do you know how much universal credit is? How many people have lost their job this year?

cantdothisnow1 · 16/12/2020 15:17

@GinAtMerlottes

Grin honestly this place is incredible. It never changes. You’re all winding each other up now and the outrage and horror and people being devastated and terrified for my children and so so thankful they don’t know me has started, so I’ll leave you to it.

And to confirm, I’ve just done the card and I’ve written all the names of the people who contributed.

What was the point in you posting this in the first place?

The vast majority of people on here think that it's unreasonable to leave one child's name off the card when you don't know the reason for the parent's not contributing.

Well done you. Hope you're proud of yourself. You were probably the mean kid at school too.

HasaDigaEebowai · 16/12/2020 15:17

And to confirm, I’ve just done the card and I’ve written all the names of the people who contributed.

What a nasty thing to do when it was so clearly pointed out that you are wrong.

toomanyplants · 16/12/2020 15:17

Setting a great example of how being part of a team works there OP 🙄

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