Was DD overreacting?

[christmascaroller]

Last night we (DH, DD15 and I) were watching something with Fairytale of New York in, and DH said "isn't it ridiculous that they can't say f*ggot anymore". DD told him that it was a slur (which I don't disagree with btw) and that he shouldn't say it even in this context. He said that it was perfectly fine for him to say as he wasn't being homophobic. My AIBU is this: when he said that it was fine to say, DD said "just admit that you're a bigotted twat instead of wasting your breath"!! I told DD that this was unacceptable but she stormed out and hasn't spoken to us since.

YABU: her reaction was perfectly justified
YANBU: she shouldn't be using language like that over a word

It must be exhausting being young these days.

YANBU

Using it in a song or discussion is very different to using it against someone as a slur, which is not ok.

Sorry but this made me lol 🤣. Typical answer from a 15 year old, my daughter probably wouldn't say this but she would be thinking it.

I think she overreacted personally. I don't see a problem with quoting a word during a discussion.

I don’t see a problem with quoting it in a discussion. I suspect your daughter had a bigger problem with her dad saying it’s ridiculous you aren’t allowed to say it any more, as that implies he sees no problem with the word.

YANBU, it is used as a slur now however when the song was written it wasn't. He can say the word of course, unless being used against someone, I agree with you on saying to her what she said is unacceptable.

It's also a bit telling that 'faggot' appalling but 'slut' is OK?

Isn't it strange that "faggot" has had to be dubbed out of that song but the misogynistic slur "slut" is ok to stay in? 🤔

Crosspost @reprehensibleme !!

Glad it's not just me who thinks this.

YANBU she overreacted.

These days it seems intent and context are irrelevant.

Would it be OK with her if her dad called her a twat when he disagreed with her?

Course not. She needs to keep a civil tongue in her head even if she disagrees with her family's point of view

I have obviously been making the words to this song up as I go on as I have just had to Google the use of the word slut in the song! I had no idea I thought it was "old southern drunk" hahahaha

So it isn't okay to quote the word faggot but it's perfectly fine for a 15 year old to call her father a twat without consequence? Nice.

Also, I never would have dreamed of saying something like that to my dad and we disagreed on a lot. Your DD needs to learn to argue constructively without throwing insults and being downright rude

Faggots and peas, very tasty.

DD is correct

It's how they're taught these days and so many things are racist or homophobic that seem normal.
Just using the word faggot is homophobic in itself which is why DD was so upset that DH couldn't understand that concept no matter how much he may excuse it.

She will know people at school who are gay, Pan etc and having her dad make these kind of remarks will really upset her as it's disrespectful to people she knows and to her generation in general.

Regardless of the previous conversation...if I'd called my dad a bigotted twat at 15 they would have been my last words!

DH was being a bigoted twat so you should be focusing on that as well

This thread feels like a bun-fight in the making.... but I'm doing some serious present wrapping avoidance, so I'll bite.

Your husband is obvious a memeber of the 'PC gone mad' brigade. Even The Pouges themselves say the lyrics should be censored.

Your daughter is extremely rude and lacks the ability to have a balanced discussion. Stropping when someone disagrees with you, rather than applying intelligent, critical discourse to a debate is the reason people/countries are so divided right now. Teach her that not everyone in life will agree with her 'right-on' views, but she'll never convince anyone of her side if she cannot give balanced, fully backed up responses.

Also, it's all well and good pointing out how the F-t word is quite rightly inappropriate. The fact the misogynistic word slag is often still not blurred out is absolutely fine though. No uber-liberal teens have an issue with that?

I'm not sure, was he saying it shouldn't be censored in this song because it's an old song and a product of it's time etc...or was he saying that word should be used and people should be free to use it in songs in general?
If the former then she was over reacting but if the latter she wasn't. Maybe it was just a communication issue between them

Extremely rude of her, it was general discussion! She also insulted her dad instead of speaking reasonably, and when this was pointed out flounced off!

Fingers crossed she'll be off her high horse tomorrow, I would be sorely tempted to put the song on repeat in the meantime and make up some badges saying "I'm with the twat" - but I have maturity issues!

Not OK to say that word in my book, but also her response was not OK. Both need to develop some diplomacy, but I hold him more accountable as (hopefully) he's had more time to learn how to avoid being inflammatory.

Xpost with @hobbyiscodefordogging for the sl*t bit of the song.

She took the slur personally. It's tantamount to the 'n' word. She is not being unreasonable.