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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WEIRD text message

179 replies

guacamole7 · 15/12/2020 22:58

I hate to but i've NC'd due to this being so obvious as I'm including an exact text.

SO:

On Saturday night around 9pm DH's work colleague (younger, female) sent him a whatsapp saying "I bet you get bored having sex ;)"
Conveniently (or not) I was actually on his phone at the time as me and DD were playing a game on the phone (DD is 4 and didn't read this FYI).

I obviously immediately asked DH wtf this was, and he claimed to have no idea. There was no previous message thread with them so nothing incriminating. I stupidly messaged her myself to ask what this was, which she replied about an hour later to say that she was really sorry and she and her friends were drunk and she hadn't meant to send the text. She followed this up the next morning with another message saying she was sorry and really embarrassed about it and it meant nothing.

The whole time, DH has claimed to be absolutely clueless about why she would send this and also said she must be drunk and she has a bit of a reputation for going out and drinking etc.

Anyway, cut to now and for whatever reason I just feel very paranoid about this and feel unable to accept this means nothing. I don't know why but I just feel it is so bizarre for her to send him with absolutely no context. I have actually asked friends I have made from DH's work what they are like together at work. Nothing incriminating has come out of it apart from that they are friends but nothing more. I personally feel that DH has acted slightly shifty about it but nothing I could put my finger on, more just gets annoyed at me for keep bringing it up and asks what I want him to do about it.

AIBU here?

OP posts:
CodenameVillanelle · 15/12/2020 23:00

That message was prompted by something
Maybe not anything on your DH's part, maybe she just fancies him and was drunk and thought that was a good opener but something prompted it.

Nowaynl · 15/12/2020 23:01

I’m guessing she has a crush on him and probably sent an infantile drunken text hoping for a reaction. Unless you have other reasons to be suspicious, I wouldn’t be worried about it. The fact he lets you have his phone to play around on speaks volumes really, he isn’t hiding it away suspiciously.

BritWifeinUSA · 15/12/2020 23:02

If she was drunk it’s possible she sent it to the wrong contact.

LittlefairyMum · 15/12/2020 23:03

What time was the message sent at ?

Original poster
guacamole7 · 15/12/2020 23:05

@LittlefairyMum I think about 9pm. DD had gone to bed and then was poorly so I was in her room with her and had taken DH's phone in to play a game - I think it was a couple of hours after she'd originally gone to bed so about 9ish. I can't remember exactly.

OP posts:
LittlefairyMum · 15/12/2020 23:06

Sorry see 9pm... she definitely could have been drinking...

Have you a anymore reason to be suspicious OP ?

You don't seem to trust him ( maybe with very good reason )

Unicant · 15/12/2020 23:06

This is a hard one to call without more info... are there any other reasons to be suspicious of ur husband? Is it backed up by others that this woman is a bit of a drinker? Can you confirm she was out drinking at the time?
I mean it does sound legit that someone could send that as a drunken text out of nowhere. That is the type of thing someone might drunk text... perhaps she was with her mates talking about him and she sent him that to seecwhat the response would be thinking it would be funny

But equally its possible the are having some type of inappropriate relationship..

Only you know your husband, are there any other signs of that?
Its possible he was just sheepish about it because it is wierd and embarrassing... I imagine I'd feel pretty awkward if someone sent me something like that out of the blue

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 15/12/2020 23:08

She's very immature. She should be embarrassed.

thepeopleversuswork · 15/12/2020 23:08

My immediate thought is that it was intended for someone else... but if that had been the case she would have said so.

If it was intended for DH and not something which went astray I think you need to do some digging.

What's your relationship like in general? Has this woman ever featured on your radar before?

Unicant · 15/12/2020 23:08

Also if he were really having an affair why would he give you his phone to borrow? Knowing she had his number and was out drinking and might text at any time? That would be pretty stupid... which leads me to believe he's telling the truth and this cane out of nowhere

GreenClock · 15/12/2020 23:09

He wouldn’t let you play on his phone if there was a chance that an affair-partner would be messaging.

I believe her re. being drunk and stupid. It’s not really a flirty text. It’s just daft. A flirty text would be “hey you - what are you up to” type thing. She may fancy him i suppose, but if she does, you’ve nipped it in the bud I think.

I’m not sure that involving their workmates was the best move, but at least they were reassuring.

ClearingSpaceOnTheTrophyShelf · 15/12/2020 23:10

If someone I didn't fancy sent me a message that suggests such intimacy, I would immediately block them. Because it's just creepy and wierd

thepeopleversuswork · 15/12/2020 23:11

Unicant is also right that if there were something fishy going on he would be very unlikely to have lent you his phone... unless he's really stupid.

Merryoldgoat · 15/12/2020 23:11

Well. I once sent an explicit message to my boss that was meant for my boyfriend.

I called as soon as I realised, apologised etc and it was never mentioned again.

If his wife had seen it I think she’d feel like you but there would’ve been zero to worry about.

I actually think the complete lack of texts is the strange bit. If you scroll through my message history with colleagues it’s innocuous stuff peppered with the odd pic. I think it’s strange to have no message history at all if you’re good enough work friends to have exchanged numbers.

Thehogfatherstolemycurry · 15/12/2020 23:11

I stupidly left my phone on the table once when I went to the toilet. I was in the pub with work friends, all a bit drunk.
When I got back they had my phone and were texting some of my male contacts stupid stuff like that. I was mortified, had to profusely apologise to them all.
Lesson learned not to leave my phone unattended!😂
What I'm trying to say is some people think it's funny to do stupid things after a drink, could be that, your dd could be as none plussed as you.

OnceUponAThread · 15/12/2020 23:12

I'd probably guess that your husband was innocent. Only because if there was something going on I'd expect him to be secretive and guarding his phone, not having you strolling off with it unlocked.

Unless he wants to get caught / is really arrogant / foolish...

Also if there was anything between them you'd have thought he'd be telling her there is no sex / separate bedrooms, rather than her thinking about you having sex.

Can see why you're alarmed though. Really odd message to send your boss. TBH really odd message to send anyone.

Only situation I can imagine sending something like that is if a very close friend had cancelled on a girl night out to see a new boyfriend. So a sort of sarcastic - bet you're really bored having sex instead of out with us type thing.

Deeply weird.

CuppaZa · 15/12/2020 23:12

You wouldn’t send a text like that with no context at all. Sorry. He was clearly the intended recipient too, since she apologised an hour later and the next day.
If I was really drunk (drunk enough to text that accidentally), I wouldn’t have sobered up enough to be apologising and back tracking just one hour later either.
My spider senses would be going through the roof, and I would definitely think something has been going on

Thehogfatherstolemycurry · 15/12/2020 23:13

Dh not dd

LittlefairyMum · 15/12/2020 23:13

The phone is a real giveaway I feel OP.

No man would let you have his phone if he was having any sort of affair... from experience the phone is guarded with their lives!
Never let out of their sight, hand, is on silent, faced down when out of their hand or covered by one of those leather covers that covers the whole screen.

If he gave you his phone, he's not having an affair, from experience.

Please don't let this ruin your Christmas. Some woman are dangerous Daffodil

IEat · 15/12/2020 23:20

What has her social life got to do with it. Your dh said she has a reputation for drinking and going out alit.. And his point is?

thepeopleversuswork · 15/12/2020 23:20

It sounds to me most likely a tiresome, drunken prank which went way too far. She was in the pub with some mates and they decided it would be amusing to send explicit or goady texts to older and more senior people at their company. Maybe someone dared her to do it. Maybe she fancies him.

Based on what you've said and his reaction it doesn't sound as if he's been responsive.

Baluchistan95 · 15/12/2020 23:20

As others have said, your DH would make sure that you wouldn't have access to his phone if there was anything going on, wouldn't he? Please go easy on him. Silly drunken text from some silly girl who should know better. Nothing for you to worry about.

Original poster
guacamole7 · 15/12/2020 23:22

Thanks for all the replies!

I don't really have any reason to be suspicious and I do trust him. We have a lovely relationship most of the time and 2 young DD who he adores.

I think this message just REALLY threw me and I feel really uncomfortable about it. Mainly as I can NEVER imagine sending a male colleague something like that, even when I was younger/drunk/stupid. I just can't imagine even opening the phone and going on their contact and typing that in. So I think I feel there must be something between them for her to feel it was acceptable to send him that in the first place?! When I was younger I wouldn't even have been messaging any male colleagues at all and I would be nervous to sound TOTALLY professional if I did.

So I guess i am maybe just a bit worried about their familiarity for her not too be that worried about sending him that?

I don't know. I think maybe I'm over thinking it. It just honestly made me feel sick with dread!

OP posts:
Original poster
guacamole7 · 15/12/2020 23:24

To clarify, I don't think he's having an affair. But unfortunately this has just made me feel really insecure about whatever sort of work relationship he does have with her. Which is sad :( and maybe a bit unreasonable. I guess this is not his fault at all really.

OP posts:
Mydogmylife · 15/12/2020 23:24

Probably a game of drunk truth or dare! I wouldn't be that bothered, as pp said he would be letting you play around with his phone if there was anything suspect.

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