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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WEIRD text message

179 replies

guacamole7 · 15/12/2020 22:58

I hate to but i've NC'd due to this being so obvious as I'm including an exact text.

SO:

On Saturday night around 9pm DH's work colleague (younger, female) sent him a whatsapp saying "I bet you get bored having sex ;)"
Conveniently (or not) I was actually on his phone at the time as me and DD were playing a game on the phone (DD is 4 and didn't read this FYI).

I obviously immediately asked DH wtf this was, and he claimed to have no idea. There was no previous message thread with them so nothing incriminating. I stupidly messaged her myself to ask what this was, which she replied about an hour later to say that she was really sorry and she and her friends were drunk and she hadn't meant to send the text. She followed this up the next morning with another message saying she was sorry and really embarrassed about it and it meant nothing.

The whole time, DH has claimed to be absolutely clueless about why she would send this and also said she must be drunk and she has a bit of a reputation for going out and drinking etc.

Anyway, cut to now and for whatever reason I just feel very paranoid about this and feel unable to accept this means nothing. I don't know why but I just feel it is so bizarre for her to send him with absolutely no context. I have actually asked friends I have made from DH's work what they are like together at work. Nothing incriminating has come out of it apart from that they are friends but nothing more. I personally feel that DH has acted slightly shifty about it but nothing I could put my finger on, more just gets annoyed at me for keep bringing it up and asks what I want him to do about it.

AIBU here?

OP posts:

Crystalclair · 15/12/2020 23:25

He could have been telling her that sex with you is so boring. Possibly being flirtatious with her inadvertently repositioning her for 'fun' sex.

She got drunk and started up a convo?

Blubellsarebells · 15/12/2020 23:25

They're lyrics to a song.
Baby queen.
Other lyrics of the song include 'pathetic fascination'. Is right.
Silly little girl..
Not being funny but when I was early 20s i could think of hundreds of things more fun or risque than shagging some middle aged dumpling with a wife and kids. .
No offence to your husband of course.

Crystalclair · 15/12/2020 23:26

*propositioning!

thepeopleversuswork · 15/12/2020 23:26

I wouldn't read too much into it OP. It doesn't sound as if he's given you any reason not to trust him.

I also would not in a million years do something like this with an older colleague or superior but people do exceptionally stupid things when drunk.

Maybe keep an eye open for a bit and be alert for any change in his behaviour, but for now I'd write it off as a very silly prank from a drunken woman.

Winterwoollies · 15/12/2020 23:28

You say there was no previous message thread between them. Is there a chance there could have been but he deleted it?

Blubellsarebells · 15/12/2020 23:28

Wtf is that drunk at 9pm?
When did this happen?
I like a drink. Ive had a couple tonight, i only get that drunk a couple of times a year and drunken texts are not arriving at 9pm.

Eckhart · 15/12/2020 23:30

If her name was in his phone why was there no thread? Usually you only take someone's number if you're going to need to send a message. That's my only query.

The rest of the story sounds perfectly valid, and I'm not sure what she said is something you'd say to someone you were having an affair with. More someone you wish you were having an affair with, and you're trying to start things off.

Mydogmylife · 15/12/2020 23:30

Crossed with your update - I don't think sending the message really has anything to do with any 'overfamiliar' relationship. If it was a game of truth or dare for example he was probably picked as being someone she DOESNT have any relationship with, and his name may well have been picked totally randomly. Sadly it's not something I would ever have done, but some folk are just daft with a few drinks in them, especially if they havent been socialising much recently with lockdown etc.

WhoWants2Know · 15/12/2020 23:30

I think it's odd that she obviously had his number but there was no previous message thread. If they don't chat outside work, why would she have his number?

If there was a history of innocuous texts, then I would find it more plausible that she accidentally replied to the wrong thread.

feelingfree17 · 15/12/2020 23:31

I can understand this would have thrown you, but honestly think, just a silly drunken girl. And, just as others have said, if there was anything going on his phone would be glued to him constantly.

FortunesFave · 15/12/2020 23:31

I think they've had banter...flirty banter about sex. This was her follow-up.

Tell him you know they've been bantering...stick to it...don't tell him HOW you know just that you know. Make him admit it.

AIMD · 15/12/2020 23:33

I would have thought he would have kept his phone if he was communicating with a woman through it and not let you and dd play games on it.

I’d be a bit suspicious too but if there hasn’t been any other indicators that something is going on I’d try to move on from it ( though maybe be a bit more alert for a little while).

It’s a really weird text to send....

kelly14 · 15/12/2020 23:33

I would be fuming! At her not husband but then the more your mind thinks it over you end up getting annoyed at him.

Me and now husband married last year and his work had a collection and did us a card and some young girl ( 20's) wrote in our wedding congratulations card some jokey very familiar little message just to him not to x and wife , and signed it off with "lots of love from your favourite girl"!!!!!! I was extremely pissed off at the time! I was 22 weeks pregnant when we got married so
Felt hormonal anyway. Even thinking about it
Now pisses me off!

AIMD · 15/12/2020 23:34

@WhoWants2Know

I think it's odd that she obviously had his number but there was no previous message thread. If they don't chat outside work, why would she have his number?

If there was a history of innocuous texts, then I would find it more plausible that she accidentally replied to the wrong thread.

Ah good point! Unless they have a work group chat

SquirtleSquad · 15/12/2020 23:36

It's just a weird message to send regardless of context. Affair, accident or friends having a laugh - it's a weird message.

Mydogmylife · 15/12/2020 23:36

@WhoWants2Know

I think it's odd that she obviously had his number but there was no previous message thread. If they don't chat outside work, why would she have his number?

If there was a history of innocuous texts, then I would find it more plausible that she accidentally replied to the wrong thread.

Number supplied by someone else in the drunk group who has his number quite legitimately , and used to send a prank text? If he had her number in his phone surely it would have come up with her name/ code etc if there was anything suspicious ?

SchrodingersImmigrant · 15/12/2020 23:37

Honestly, this just looks like a simple mistake.
Lets face it, 2ho would try to score someone by saying they get "bored having sex".
I would be suspicious if it were "you get bored to have same sex" or similar.

If I were him, I would strongly reminr her of boundaries through an hr. As woman would

SirVixofVixHall · 15/12/2020 23:39

If it is part of a song by Baby Queen, which song? What is the rest of the song ?

Blubellsarebells · 15/12/2020 23:40

Go to YouTube.
Search baby queen. Want me.
Its the anthem of desperation.
Those words are there.
I would wonder why she had his number.
But hes not protective over his phone.
I would think its a silly infatuation on her part.
Maybe he should take it to hr?
Completly inappropriate.

Redwinestillfine · 15/12/2020 23:40

Block her on his personal phone. Don't tell him. She'll know why if she ever tried to contact him again. If she needs to talk to him about work she can do it in work hours on work computer/ phones that are monitored.

SnowySheep · 15/12/2020 23:43

I think it's more like she and her friends were laughing at him, for some reason, than that anything untoward has happened. I don't think there's anything affectionate or flirty there.

RunningFromInsanity · 15/12/2020 23:44

I would just say to him you trust him but, drunk or not, that message was over the line and unacceptable.
I would ask him to block her on his phone, for your piece of mind. If he refuses, then I would get suspicious.
Any innocent man would agree that that message is hurtful to you, and put your feelings first.

Eckhart · 15/12/2020 23:46

Any innocent man would agree that that message is hurtful to you, and put your feelings first

I agree with this so I'm afraid I think the fact he's getting fed up with you mentioning it is a bit suspect. It was only on Saturday. How man times have you brought it up?

Blubellsarebells · 15/12/2020 23:48

39SirVixofVixHall

If it is part of a song by Baby Queen, which song? What is the rest of the song ?

The song is called 'want me' but you dont know it yet.
Other lyrics include I'll be your shadow and I'll do anthing you want.
The lyrics are desperate. Waste of a good catchy tune in my opinion.

Grumpsy · 15/12/2020 23:49

Sounds like he’s deleted all previous messages, that’s an odd text to send someone at 9pm out of the blue drink or not.

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