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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WEIRD text message

179 replies

guacamole7 · 15/12/2020 22:58

I hate to but i've NC'd due to this being so obvious as I'm including an exact text.

SO:

On Saturday night around 9pm DH's work colleague (younger, female) sent him a whatsapp saying "I bet you get bored having sex ;)"
Conveniently (or not) I was actually on his phone at the time as me and DD were playing a game on the phone (DD is 4 and didn't read this FYI).

I obviously immediately asked DH wtf this was, and he claimed to have no idea. There was no previous message thread with them so nothing incriminating. I stupidly messaged her myself to ask what this was, which she replied about an hour later to say that she was really sorry and she and her friends were drunk and she hadn't meant to send the text. She followed this up the next morning with another message saying she was sorry and really embarrassed about it and it meant nothing.

The whole time, DH has claimed to be absolutely clueless about why she would send this and also said she must be drunk and she has a bit of a reputation for going out and drinking etc.

Anyway, cut to now and for whatever reason I just feel very paranoid about this and feel unable to accept this means nothing. I don't know why but I just feel it is so bizarre for her to send him with absolutely no context. I have actually asked friends I have made from DH's work what they are like together at work. Nothing incriminating has come out of it apart from that they are friends but nothing more. I personally feel that DH has acted slightly shifty about it but nothing I could put my finger on, more just gets annoyed at me for keep bringing it up and asks what I want him to do about it.

AIBU here?

OP posts:
Grumpsy · 15/12/2020 23:50

Drunk*

Hawkins001 · 15/12/2020 23:50

The no previous messages could mean he covers his tracks, However him letting you use the phone does seem a security lapse, If he was having an affair, as unless they have a certain time they text, then they would never know who is using it.

JudyGemstone · 15/12/2020 23:55

Hmm, it's probably best to move on but keep you eyes and ears open!

Crystalclair · 15/12/2020 23:56

Can you not switch your names around on his phone and text him if and when he leaves the house tomorrow. He will assume message from you is from her.

VenusTiger · 16/12/2020 00:01

OP, when you sent msg back, did she think you were DH?

MizMoonshine · 16/12/2020 00:05

Recover his previous messages. The fact that the chat had been cleared would be enough for alarms to be ringing.

saraclara · 16/12/2020 00:07

He wouldn’t let you play on his phone if there was a chance that an affair-partner would be messaging.

That.

SnowySheep · 16/12/2020 00:07

I have lots of colleagues' numbers in my phone and very few message threads. If I have their number it's most likely because I need to call them. If it's a "message" about work, I'd use email.

Eckhart · 16/12/2020 00:12

@saraclara

He wouldn’t let you play on his phone if there was a chance that an affair-partner would be messaging.

That.

He would if he had a shag-phone that the flirty colleague actually meant to text.
Crystalclair · 16/12/2020 00:13

Saraclara- unfortunately some affair partners have codes. I know of someone who used their WhatsApp status to communicate whether it was 'safe' to communicate with the other. Sad, but true.

Hawkins001 · 16/12/2020 00:17

crystal I'm not endorsing it, but that's a good method, first I've heard of that way.

8obbingabout · 16/12/2020 00:24

Hi OP

I really wouldn't worry about this. Dont waste anymore of your time thinking about it. If your DH was up to anything there is no way he would give you access to his phone.

Who knows why this girl has messaged him. It could be a drunk game dare or she may like him. Either way I'd trust your DH until he gives you reason not to.

Relax.

Summerdayshaze · 16/12/2020 00:26

I think HR should at the very least move her. And I’d tell your DH that if he doesn’t take this to HR then you will. It’s shocking behaviour, which has planted a nasty seed into your marriage.

SirVixofVixHall · 16/12/2020 00:37

Hmm. The next line of the song is “because you want me and you just don’t know it yet”
So I would say she has a crush on your DH.

1forAll74 · 16/12/2020 00:38

I have witnessed a few drunken people, male and female, sending rude, sexy, or sweary texts to people after drinking a lot. I have heard them reading them out before sending the texts, so they make their friends laugh about them.

WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants · 16/12/2020 00:46

Be my guest, go on and waste your life inside her bed now
I bet you get bored having sex
Because you want me and you just don't know it yet

Ask your DH, what the actual fuck she thinks she's playing at?

Temporary1234 · 16/12/2020 01:03
Shock
Frannibananni · 16/12/2020 01:05

Something similar happened to friends from DHs work years ago. It was completely innocent on the mans side but the poor wife. It was just some stupid stupid drunk bitch sending messages for a laugh 😖

LittleRa · 16/12/2020 01:26

genius.com/Baby-queen-want-me-lyrics

The line in question is at the end of verse 3. Well spotted PP. Strange coincidence, or coded message? Hmm

Gigheimer · 16/12/2020 01:32

Honestly I’m the first to jump to LTN after being cheated on but if messages her as him (?) and she immediately replies with the sorry and the follow up embarrassment in the morning then I would think that means he’s innocent or otherwise she would have carried on not knowing it was you.

Ex went from open with his phone to hidden away, your DH has let you have total access to his so unlikely he has anything to hide unless he’s a fucking idiot!

Gigheimer · 16/12/2020 01:34

Oh and my dads mate sexted him a picture of his knob once (gross both in their 60s) by mistake. It can happen (he was ripped to shit in the pub after Grin)

Crustmasiscoming · 16/12/2020 02:08

Sounds like your husband is genuinely innocent in all of this. The fact that he's happy for you and DD to play around with his phone in the evenings suggests that he feels he has nothing to hide.

However I would think that this woman has a crush on your DH. She has really embarrassed herself her. I hope your DH is much more wary of her from now on.

Frownette · 16/12/2020 02:18

I think it was drunken stupidity, nothing else. Nasty to receive though. She hasn't quite grasped the concept of family life, her life is all bars bars bars wouldn't this be a laugh.

DH needs to stick up for himself though and say to management/HR how inappropriate that was.

Frownette · 16/12/2020 02:26

She sort of came to and realised she'd done something wrong which is why she texted an hour after.

But it's disrupting your family time so she does need to be taught. Highly doubt it's an intense crush. It's not the most winsome way to woo someone, is it.

Crustmasiscoming · 16/12/2020 02:43

DH needs to stick up for himself though and say to management/HR how inappropriate that was.

I agree with this suggestion from Frownette. It's probably the best way to handle it.

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