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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not sure how to deal with this girl

216 replies

Gloriainexcelcis · 15/12/2020 14:48

Maybe just ignore her ?
She's a friend of a friend. Seemed like a good friend to her and I was really looking forward to meeting her.
The first time I met her she was very open, telling me all about her life and suggesting stuff we should do together. Great, I thought.
Met her a couple more times and thought she was friendly.
Always looking for new friends so I thought I would ask her for a walk and a coffee one day (both in Tier 3) plus, she had added me on social media and had been the one making those suggestions to do things.

She snubbed my invite, read it and no reply, yet was planning to meet up with the mutual friend still.
So I assumed she wasn't interested in being my friend. Stung a little and found it confusing given how she had been in person, but what can you do really.
Told all this to my friend and she said to not take it personally, she could be very scattery and up and down.
Also it's silly to say but she used to 'like' everything or most things I put on social media and then suddenly stopped fully.

She got in contact after 2 weeks saying sorry she had not read the message and had been really busy and stressed with Covid. I replied saying it was ok and trying to make conversation, and once again no reply.
Very odd really. She also cancelled on my friend several times or is often really late, but my friend is very easy-going and says it's fine.
Not really sure how to deal with her. Don't really have to see her but she's really good friends with the mutual friend.
She may have some mental health issues, thivk it's best that I just not give her any further headspace

OP posts:
LuckyNumberThirteen · 15/12/2020 16:12

Stop trying. Her loss.

nanbread · 15/12/2020 16:13

I think when you're feeling lonely it really magnifies issues like people not replying etc but what this thread shows it's that for some people it's just normal. Maybe the day she met your mutual friend she had something she wanted to discuss just with her for some reason. I know at the moment I much prefer meeting one on one as well because it's hard with the restrictions otherwise.

I have some very flaky friends and it can feel a bit one sided with me making most of the effort.

I had to make a choice - do I keep offering, or do I give up?

I decided some of them were people whose company I really liked so I'd keep trying. I know their lives are busy and tiring but I accept that if I want to see them, the effort is up to me.

fashu · 15/12/2020 16:15

She might be going through something.
Once I am with my friends I am talkative an happy, but I never want to meet up, or call people. it makes me so nervous even the thought.

innercitysumo · 15/12/2020 16:18

It may be she's just a bit forgetful. I'm awful for forgetting to reply and I'm flakey. I'm not sure what mental health had to do with it though? Unless you mean she's anxious to meet, which I understand as I often change plans last minute due to my anxiety problem. X

fruitbrewhaha · 15/12/2020 16:22

It's also worth baring in mind that people are trying to limit how many people they are coming into contact with. You say you are in tier 3 so she may well rather not meet up with lots of different people.

Don't take it so personally, just find some other people hang out with.

MaskingForIt · 15/12/2020 16:22

@Gloriainexcelcis

I can say girl if I like.
You can, but it is ageist and infantiling

Bob could call a black person a but it would be racist and prejudiced. People would think less of Bob if he did that.

Original poster
Gloriainexcelcis · 15/12/2020 16:26

Hahahaha.
Calling somebody a girl is comparable to using the n word.
Good lord.

OP posts:
goldielockdown2 · 15/12/2020 16:28

Wow wow wow (backs away slowly)

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 15/12/2020 16:34

She's clearly a bit flaky and you're clearly too intense for someone like that, so you probably shouldn't pursue a friendship any further.

There is also nothing wrong with calling someone a 'girl' - in some places, it's just casual speak for any female, regardless of age (unless the person in question is about 90). Just like in my area, you would say do the same with a man 'boy' sometimes. Whoever it was that had a problem with it is just silly and looking for offense.

GwenSpiderverse · 15/12/2020 16:36

OP, you seem rather sensitive on this subject, so AIBU may not be the best forum for this. It can get pretty, umm, direct and confrontational here. Maybe Chat might be more appropriate?

You do seem more invested in the responses of a new acquaintance that I’d expect, tbh. Most people have lots going on in their lives, problems to handle; doubly so this year. It’s not untrustworthy or mean to not follow up a friendship overture immediately - it probably just slipped her mind when other stuff came up. Don’t take it personally.

And yeah, woman is better than girl for someone in her 30s.

Original poster
Gloriainexcelcis · 15/12/2020 16:36

Your 'intense' comment is not true, so will not take it to heart.

OP posts:
Strangedayindeed · 15/12/2020 16:37

Non issue. You have too much time on your hands op.

Original poster
Gloriainexcelcis · 15/12/2020 16:37

Ok

OP posts:
Original poster
Gloriainexcelcis · 15/12/2020 16:37

Might start taking weeks myself to reply to people.

OP posts:
Brieminewine · 15/12/2020 16:38

She's clearly a bit flaky and you're clearly too intense for someone like that, so you probably shouldn't pursue a friendship any further

This x100

Original poster
Gloriainexcelcis · 15/12/2020 16:40

Alright, thanks for the non rude replies, won't be posting anymore.

OP posts:
nanbread · 15/12/2020 16:41

You seem to be taking it all very personally OP

Sometimes it's not about you

goldielockdown2 · 15/12/2020 16:41

You're not entitled to quick replies from this woman, OP. She isn't your friend- a friendship hasn't developed. Anyone else would shrug.

Original poster
Gloriainexcelcis · 15/12/2020 16:42

'anyone else', right, ok
Glad all of you are perfect.

OP posts:
goldielockdown2 · 15/12/2020 16:43

Thanks for the lovely compliment.

WiseOwlWan · 15/12/2020 16:43

Ignore her unless she starts wendying you.

user8888 · 15/12/2020 16:43

OP sorry you have had the misfortune of posting in AIBU. I believe there are a specific type of miserable *s who get their sick jollies from being a*holes on here.

It's best to ignore them, and also to ignore the flaky acquaintance!!

Flaky people don't deserve much thought --- they aren't worth it.

EileenGC · 15/12/2020 16:43

@Gloriainexcelcis

Might start taking weeks myself to reply to people.
If it's not urgent or you love communicating with a person and both of you feel like that, I don't see why not.

My dad used to show me the letters he'd write to his parents once a week updating them on his life at uni Grin I don't suggest we go back to 1989 but the social norms today tend to dictate that once the double tick on WhatsApp has turned blue, you should be acknowledged within two minutes.

We need to chill. I believe a lot of the social hysteria and mental health issues we see in teenagers and young people these days, are aggravated by this social expectation that you have to always be available and on your phone 24/7.

Eckhart · 15/12/2020 16:50

Her behaviour has bewildered you before you've even started a friendship. You are not compatible. It doesn't matter why.

When grown ups meet somebody and find themselves to be incompatible, they move on.

When girls do it, they ask endless questions about why they can't understand the other person and how much it doesn't make sense and how they're lonely and how other people should behave more like them and.... etc etc

Would love to know how people on here claim to make new friends, or does nobody do it at all past the age of 30? Does 'life' mean we can't /shouldn't make any new ones

  1. Mix with people. 2. Hang around with the ones who don't make you feel like posting on MN. 3. Forget the rest.
Londontown12 · 15/12/2020 16:59

I think if she’s your friends friend stay out of the relationship unless your invited sorry to be harsh but it cud get awkward if u meet up without your mutual friend