Unemployed girlfriend

[Frannnnnasa]

(I'm a girl too btw, just so there's no debate about whether i'm a girl or boy).

We are both 26 and been together a year and a half. Both still live at home with our parents (suits us).
My job pays well and I am saving for a house deposit. Girlfriend was also saving for a house deposit so we can move out within the next 2 years.
Girlfriend found out 2 months ago she lost her job in a pub (covid-related).
She has since been looking but struggling to find work. She has had interviews but feedback is always she was a "close-second".

She is currently doing temp work as a supply TA whilst completing her masters but work has dried up the past week with christmas half term coming closer.
So that's an extra week of no pay along with the christmas half-term.

She has her masters finance coming through in around a month but she's stressed and feeling very anxious about.money. she has savings of about £4000.
I feel it's affecting our relationship because she keeps crying that she'll never afford a deposit. I love her but it's been so strained the past 2 months since she lost her job.
Temp work was going well but supply TA isbt amazing pay and it's inconsistent.
It does feel we will be at home witb parents forever. I can probably afford a mortgage on my own but how will her inconsistent wage affect me getting a mortgage?

It doesn't sound like you are suited. You need someone with high earning potential in a secure job who is money orientated. You can't deny it as you have pretty much spelt it out in your posts.

She sounds fab to be honest and unfortunately you have not come across well at all.

I think MGTOW is the perfect way to ensure the eradication of a particularly useless gene pool @oakleaffy. Off you pop now. Deliveroo is waiting with a lukewarm korma for you.

My DH lost his job in hospitality at the end of September. We have a mortgage and a young DC. How did I react? Well I didn't get annoyed with him for being out of work. He's applying for every single thing going. He's doing the best he can. I picked up some extra hours delivery driving in the evening. On top of my full time job because we are a team.

After calming down, I think you are 'exactly' struggling. However, not with monetary, status, or situational issues but with Atype behaviour, pressure and control issues (even possible trauma avoidance) . You won't until its too late, I know I've been there done that, but you need to prioritie self care, therapy and perspective. You'll never be good enough, happy enough, rich enough, perfect enough. Your girlfriend is highlighting your 'flaws' as much as you are hers. I doubt it will work out but if you want it too look inside and address the nerves & triggers she's hitting inside you.

You mention you are in medicine, I really hope you are not in a patient facing role, you have as much empathy as a stone.

Do her a favour and show her this thread, she deserves to see the real you.

As PillowPrincess said, find someone rich next time.

I don’t know what else you expect from her? She’s studying and picking up jobs where she can. She sounds sweet and I hope she finds someone more supportive. As a previous poster said you sound money orientated so this relationship is not going to work. I hope she passes all her exams and meets a lovely woman and lives a happy comfortable life. You can enjoy your wage in your empty home or with another money oriented women arguing over splitting every bill equally.

I work in medicine. I'm happy and comfortable with my wage.

Until life pulls the rug from under you as well - you never know what's around the corner, stop taking your privileged life for granted and maybe you won't remain an awful snob who doesn't deserve their girlfriend.

Oakleaffy - imagine if you read the OP properly to him. Especially the opening sentence where it says they're both women.

And your son is a prize tool. I wouldn't be proud of that statement.

@ oakleaffy you’re a fucking charmer and so is your son I hope your sons girlfriend comes to her senses and leaves him.

I guess maybe it is the case that you have different priorities. OP values financial stability, GF values doing a job she loves. Relationships are about giving up some of your dreams and compromising eg maybe think about buying a smaller place in a cheaper area, or cut spending on other things right down? Maybe GF would prefer to wait longer to save for a place than to switch to being a teacher (which sounds v stressful with high burnout rate).

Hopefully will be easier when she is able to work more after completing masters. But if you want to be with her, then accept that you won’t be able to earn as much. You can still have a happy, stable life on a smaller budget.

I have reported oakleaffy for investigation. Purhaps their posts are a genuine difference of views but I have doubts. My hope is that mum's net is a place where people can discuss inportant issues, air their different views, help people or give them clarity and harsh truths. It's not with me to judge I've left it with the moderators.

I think MGTOW is definitely a thing younger men are into now.
I think MGTOW men are miserable pricks with an ego complex when the reality is they are pathetic misogynists who are angry that no woman wants to sleep with them (mainly due to their unpleasant misogyny).

I think your getting a hard time, lots of poster saying your partner is earning low now but won't be forever, think they missed your post where you said she has said she is happy to be earning roughly that much in the future too.

This is a massive difference in attitudes and mindset.

There is nothing wrong for you wanting financial security or holding that with more importance but if your other partner doesn't and you can live with that then it doesn't bode well for the future.

If she is feeling pressure of saving for a deposit, fine cut her some slack maybe you end up buying the house in your name and you work out some legal arrangement to ensure its fair to both.

think they missed your post where you said she has said she is happy to be earning roughly that much in the future too

No, we didn't. OP said this later in the thread.
Beside, the point still stands. For a variety of reasons, OP may not make as much money or have the amazing well-paid career she thinks is guaranteed to her at all times. OP's partner may change her mind and progress in her chosen profession or a different one. Nobody can predict the way they'll be thinking in 5 or 10 years time, especially at their age.

Watch out burnouts a real problem with medical professionals and it's bad!

Definitely! They tend as a group to be extremely hard on themselves and the job is hardy low stress especially at the moment!

Is this a reverse? It's frightening if there are medics out there who are this lacking in self-awareness :/

 ooh if you only knew...

@oakleaffy

1 the op is a woman too

2 do you agree with your son? That's quite a poor attitude he has

3 why have you posted his opinion and not yours? Is his opinion more valid because he's a man in your eyes?

Very odd post

Then the follow up comment about MGTOW what on Earth?!

[quote oakleaffy]@Frannnnnasa
I have my son visiting and mentioned your thread to him.

He said “ It sounds like his girlfriend not as committed in getting a house together as he is, and that is a valid worry- especially if she is being a bit flaky.. crying&c that many blokes find incredibly irritating.
Imagine if blokes cried that easily, people would say “ Come on, Get a grip!”[/quote]
Ladies, ladies! Why are you all still arguing? Don't you realise that A Man has spoken and the debate is over?

I feel sorry for your girlfriend. She obviously didn’t ask to lose her job, she’s one of thousands this year in the same position. She’s doing her best to find more work and studying for a masters to boot so she clearly has strong work ethic. Don’t beat her to the curb anymore, she’s doing a great job by the sounds of it. 4K savings as well! That’s pretty substantial for someone your age.

If you're planning on getting a mortgage in your name only her income won't matter, it'll only be decided on yours.

MGTOW....excellent. This sounds like a brilliant project. Do you have flyers or business cards we could hand out? I’m sure we all know a few men who’d really benefit from a bit of direction

I find it strange that either of you are particularly stressed about the situation given that it's such a recent occurrence. Buying a place together is a long term commitment yet a bumpy 2/3 month patch has you/her doubting the future. You both need to chill out a bit really.

I do laugh when it’s announced a man has spoken.As if pipe down you loud irascible gaggle, a man is here
Man he’s spoken and he’s clearly not twigged op is a woman.
Man has spoken but it’s on mums mn logon because she lets him read posts. Bless

Mumsnet deleted the 'hate speech comment' so forget it now.

Forget it now? Nah don’t think so, there is way more mileage to be had in his stupidity

I particularly like the MGTOW business cards and flyers suggestion

I wonder if she comes a "close second" because someone is constantly chipping away at her self-esteem, even though she's clearly a competent, hard worker?

@HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee

Forget it now? Nah don’t think so, there is way more mileage to be had in his stupidity I particularly like the MGTOW business cards and flyers suggestion

🤣🤣🤣 Ever heard the expression 'don't give oxygen to a fire' but fuck it this treads already a shit show. Entertain me 😂