Ex wife’s mother and her fucking card

[Nicholashaslosthisknickers]

Afternoon wise Mumsnetters,

This isn’t a huge issue but one I thought I’d seek your opinions on in a light hearted way.

If you’re married, living together and generally happy, do most people send Christmas cards to both of you?

Now I do appreciate it’s nice to receive a card in these days of round robin emails extolling the virtues of giving to charity instead of sending cards, just as I appreciate it’s entirely up to the sender who they address their card to.

In a show of enormous passive aggression my husband’s former MIL sends him a card to our home addressed just to him. Every.Single.Year. She knows my name, I am step mum to her grand children.

He never sends her one. Never speaks to her. Never sees her. We’ve been married for 3 years and together for 7. I wasn’t the reason her daughter and he split.

I am expecting a torrent of first wives to come down on me like a tonne of bricks with all the usual she’s fully entitled to send a card to who she wants, he was her SIL, etc. But why not just include my name?

AIBU? Really be kind, this isn’t a big deal, it won’t change the course of anything. I’m just interested if I’m being an over sensitive dick head over this because it’s really bloody annoying.

If she's never met you then why would she put your name on the card?

Because she’s gone to the effort of sending a card to our home?

And I have met her when dropping the children to her house.

I really couldn't get worked up about this.

No - it’s rude and unnecessary. It’s not like she has no way of finding out your name.

She knows my name.

I’m not worked up about it, I’m just interested to see other peoples reactions?

She doesn't know you. This wouldn't bother me at all, she is just sending a card to the person she does know.

If it bothers you then make the effort to send her one back signed from you both.

So it’s not passive aggressive at all?

Rude and weird in my book. Sounds like she’s making some point but I’m not sure what!

Of course it’s rude. She’s purposefully omitting you as some twisted us and them stance.

She knows you; she knows exactly who you are. It’s hardly an additional feat to say

To Kevin and Sue rather than To Kevin.

It’s passive aggressive, throw it straight in the bin.

It does seem passive aggressive and just plain weird. What was their relationship like when he was married to her daughter?

Ah, don't worry about it op. My in-laws have sent a Christmas card just to the dh in the past - more than once. And we've been married for years.

Oh people are so odd. What strange responses. If it was a work colleague of his sending a card then yes no need for both names but this is someone who you have met and whose grandchildren you have regular contact with. If she’s going to send a card, it’s very weird that she makes a point of only addressing it to your dh.

Oh I posted while more reasoned people replied! Sorry!

But you don't send her a card, despite her being grandmother to your step kids?

If she knows your name then I think it's a bit rude.

They had a normal SIL/MIL relationship as far as I’m aware. Friendly, polite, never a cross word. All perfectly cordial.

@AriesTheRam

If she's never met you then why would she put your name on the card?

Manners

She's being passive aggressive. Even if I don't know someone's partner / kids I address cards to 'x and family', and we get several cards each year to either DP or Wee and family. I think that's the normal thing to do isn't it?!

Yes, passive aggressive and weird.

I'd send a lovely card back signed from you both.
It would annoy me but this is how I'd deal with it

I really don't think its passive aggressive at all.

She probably has a name and address book and simply has his name in it, so sends a card with no further thought.

Is him not sending a card to her a passive aggressive move?

She's being very rude. My DH's ExW sends us a christmas card, she puts all our names on!

I don’t send her a card because I don’t really know her, I don’t send many, parents and special friends. I’ve met her a handful of times, if I did I’d include her and her husband. I don’t want a card from her but I think it’s weird she sends one just to DH. If she’s going to the effort of sending a card just put both names on.

We keep getting cards to our house that say

‘For Mr and Mrs smith (old owners)
C/o Mr and Mrs Turner (us)
Full address ‘

With ‘please forward’ in the corner.
None of these people send us a card but know who we are and put our name on the envelope to forward to previous owners. Who I have no fucking idea where they live.
That pisses me off.

A card off MIL to the one she had the relationship with, don’t think it would bother me. (Would love current MIL to leave me off though so hahah)