Ex wife’s mother and her fucking card

[Nicholashaslosthisknickers]

Afternoon wise Mumsnetters,

This isn’t a huge issue but one I thought I’d seek your opinions on in a light hearted way.

If you’re married, living together and generally happy, do most people send Christmas cards to both of you?

Now I do appreciate it’s nice to receive a card in these days of round robin emails extolling the virtues of giving to charity instead of sending cards, just as I appreciate it’s entirely up to the sender who they address their card to.

In a show of enormous passive aggression my husband’s former MIL sends him a card to our home addressed just to him. Every.Single.Year. She knows my name, I am step mum to her grand children.

He never sends her one. Never speaks to her. Never sees her. We’ve been married for 3 years and together for 7. I wasn’t the reason her daughter and he split.

I am expecting a torrent of first wives to come down on me like a tonne of bricks with all the usual she’s fully entitled to send a card to who she wants, he was her SIL, etc. But why not just include my name?

AIBU? Really be kind, this isn’t a big deal, it won’t change the course of anything. I’m just interested if I’m being an over sensitive dick head over this because it’s really bloody annoying.

Id probably send a card to her, just from you, or your name in a different colour, to be just as petty back.

But it wouldn't change anything.

Yeah, it’s fucking rude.

Perhaps she's just making the point that you don't send her a card.

Yeh i can see why you feel it is passive aggressive.

He is the father of her grandchildren but if things are amicable enough that she sends a card, then why not put your name on it too?

But meh his xmil. 🎶 dont worry.

@Palaver1
🤣🤣🤣Thanks for sharing that tidbit from your aged aunt. I'm still chuckling at her response, also...made my day....can you ask her some more questions about the modern way of doing things and post her hilarious responses?
For pp saying that OP isn't family...of course she is...she's her grandchildren's stepmother ( note:mother following step)
I have to say though @Nicholashaslosthisknickers
Since your DH doesn't seem to care one bit about his exMIL, I'd be pitching that card right in the outside bin without even opening it so that none of the vitriol that exMIL
stuffed in the envelope with the card could escape into your happy home

Yeah, it’s fucking rude. How about the OPs partner never sending a card, is that rude? Maybe if he sent a card from him and OP they'd get one back. Personally it wouldn't bother me either way but if OP wants to be included maybe she needs to join in.

I understand how you feel. I'd look out for the handwriting and throw it in the bin. If she can't be kind enough to include you after 7 years then I'd throw it. We used to get one from my MIL best friend. Not only did she insult my weight twice in front of people, tell me her anorexic daughter (same age as me,) had the same ring size as me when my hubby and I were engaged, she also insulted her daughter in law by saying she was obease when pregnant and she was invited to our Wedding (which I was furious about,) basically she wanted her daughter to marry my hubby.

Anyway my point is, despite attending our Wedding she spells my name completely incorrectly every Christmas. So every Christmas I throw her card away and will do until she learns to spell my name correctly! Been together 20 years now and she was so rude to me.

I left my MIL's house the day she offended me so much I couldn't stay and have refused to give her my time ever since.

Some people have no manners and I reject anyone who causes me upset in my life now - I'm older and wiser. I say throw her negative energy away!

Zombie Thread

Why has a thread about Xmas cards suddenly been resurrected at the end of March?!

Maybe she's trying to be tactful and avoid giving you any offence?

I suspect it’s a passive aggressive attack on him not you. She would be expecting him to send a card back with your name on it first to signify the fact that you are a couple and she should include your name on it.

He hasn’t so she doesn’t include you on it. See what happens if you do

I think that is odd, Nicholas. It might best if she just didn't send a card at all.

Perhaps she is just letting your partner know that she is till fond of him and wishes things had worked out with him and her daughter, we cannot know her motives which may come from a good place. It is rather tactless though no doubt she doesn't think it out.

Just ignore.

I often got cards from people at work addressed to me and husband even though they didn't know him from Adam, often signed not just by my colleague but their partner and family. I always thought that was silly and never did it but it was harmless. My cousin said to me a while back that I never put (son's name) on cards and I told her he is a grown man who doesn't live with me.

@chatw00

Why has a thread about Xmas cards suddenly been resurrected at the end of March?!

Well @Glitter7 - can you tell us?

ZOMBIE ZOMBIE ZOMBIE

Still March. Phew.

Assuming the negative energy has gone 4 months on...

It is very passive aggressive and this type of behaviour is not good for the children.

I'm intrigued by the thought process behind somehow coming across or searching for a thread about Christmas cards at the end of March and writing a whole long reply. Have you been ruminating on this for over 3 months @Glitter7

I got a birthday card from my grandad signed Mr B Thomas when I was 9.
Some people are just weird.

Several questions here — why do you expect to be included on a card when you never send her a card, because you say you don’t know her? Yet you meet when dropping off her GC. And why doesn’t your husband send his ex-MIL a card? It may of course be mysterious why she sends him one, but maybe she wants to maintain some semblance of relationship with the father of her GC? I know you say you weren’t the reason he and her daughter split, but maybe the split was awful, the ex MIL picked up the pieces, and your existence reminds her of her former SIL’s bad behaviour with other women?

Or maybe she semi-automatically just bangs out cards to the same names in her address book annually?

Maybe it’s not that mysterious?

i think its a bit off. You obviously send a birthday card to one person but Christmas cards imo should be addressed to the household. If you can't include names for whatever reason, then i would write, 'To DH and family'

To those whom have asked why I'm responding now.
That's my point of view and I have every right to share. Just like you do. I have just read this from OP so thought I'd give her some support.

What a cow bag, that would really piss me off too. I don’t think it matters that she’s never met you. You’re now SM to her grandchildren to you’re a family member whether she likes it or not. Just throw it in the bin where it belongs.

@BigPaperBag

What a cow bag, that would really piss me off too. I don’t think it matters that she’s never met you. You’re now SM to her grandchildren to you’re a family member whether she likes it or not. Just throw it in the bin where it belongs.

It's not the op's to throw in the bin, it's her husband's!

I don't think it is worth the energy necessary to stress about it, frankly.

Very rude and pass-agg. FIL send late DH's ex-wife a Christmas card and when he heard she had a new partner he went out of his way to find out his name so he could include him.

Argh. Zombie. How annoying.

@Glitter7

To those whom have asked why I'm responding now. That's my point of view and I have every right to share. Just like you do. I have just read this from OP so thought I'd give her some support.

But she needed ‘support’ about a Christmas card last December. It’s nearly Easter. I doubt she’s still mulling it over!