Ex wife’s mother and her fucking card

[Nicholashaslosthisknickers]

Afternoon wise Mumsnetters,

This isn’t a huge issue but one I thought I’d seek your opinions on in a light hearted way.

If you’re married, living together and generally happy, do most people send Christmas cards to both of you?

Now I do appreciate it’s nice to receive a card in these days of round robin emails extolling the virtues of giving to charity instead of sending cards, just as I appreciate it’s entirely up to the sender who they address their card to.

In a show of enormous passive aggression my husband’s former MIL sends him a card to our home addressed just to him. Every.Single.Year. She knows my name, I am step mum to her grand children.

He never sends her one. Never speaks to her. Never sees her. We’ve been married for 3 years and together for 7. I wasn’t the reason her daughter and he split.

I am expecting a torrent of first wives to come down on me like a tonne of bricks with all the usual she’s fully entitled to send a card to who she wants, he was her SIL, etc. But why not just include my name?

AIBU? Really be kind, this isn’t a big deal, it won’t change the course of anything. I’m just interested if I’m being an over sensitive dick head over this because it’s really bloody annoying.

Why doesn't your dh send a card to his children's grandparent? That's rude. maybe not rude, but not particularly thoughtful either since cards are obviously important to his ex-MIL.
I loathe my SIL's new partner and, pathetically, make sure I purchase a card that wishes her and "all at her home" seasons greetings rather than mention the tosser by name. Not sure if SIL has noticed!

I’m not worked up about it, I’m just interested to see other peoples reactions?

Seems not to chime with the thread title “Ex wife’s mother and her fucking card”

Yep. This is done on purpose. Just chuck it in the bin.

So you don’t want a card from her but you are ranting and raving that she doesn’t put your name on a card to her son? Does it really matter? Would you rather she “lied” and added your name to the card when it’s clear she doesn’t want to include you in her Christmas wishes (rightly or wrongly)?

Ranting and raving?? lol!

I don’t think there’s any frothing involved.
There’s a fair bit of second wife/step mum biase finding it’s way into the thread though. Unsurprisingly.

As I said in my OP I’m not all that bothered but some of the funny suggestions made me smile.

Maybe she’s still gutted about the divorce, or very religious and sees marriage as something that can never be undone. I’m sure you’ll cope.

Thank you, I’ll try and cope.

I don’t think she’s very religious.

Start posting them back

Fairly sure my DM has never sent a card to the exes of dsis and dbro.

How weird

I send DGC’s father a card and I haven’t included his new partner as I’m not sure of the current situation.

If I knew her name and that they were definitely still an item I’d include her, but would also worry in case she thought that was odd.

Never worried me if XH or I received cards with only one name on.

Not rude, she may know your name but she doesn,t Know you in the same way.

I would assume she does it to cause an effect. Especially if he does not send a card back. Very rude of her, but she clearly thinks she is making a point. Odd though.

Humm, he's her ex SIL, who presumably she spent a lot of time with in the past and felt fondly about .... and you don't have a relationship with her at all: so not that weird tbh: I can imagine it would feel very odd to send your ex SIL's new partner a card actually. And it seems a little one sided that you don't send her a card because you don't know her ... but you expect her to send her cards in a way that suit you/fits your sense of the world. I would start making sure she gets a card signed from your whole family, and only then can you claim the moral highground.

@WitsEnding you make a fair point.
But we’re married and very much still together.
Her DGC were bridesmaids at our wedding so I’m fairly sure she knows we’re married.

@Nicholashaslosthisknickers

She knows my name.

I’m not worked up about it, I’m just interested to see other peoples reactions?

Shes being a passive-agressive idiot.

I hope he puts it straight in the recycling

I’m a first wife and a second wife.
My Exs mother AND step mother both send me Christmas and birthday cards and are on my FB page with frequent interactions. The world still turns

The card has gone in the bin. He looked at it and ripped it up.
He knows it would probably bother me at least a little as I have pretty bad MH issues.

It is generally the done thing that if someone is married, you send Christmas greetings to both them and their spouse, even if you've never met said spouse.

I would assume she does it to cause an effect

It appears a lot of you assume that...but its a very strange thing to assume. Do you always assign malice to everything? What a way to live!

Why make a big deal out of it? If she does it to annoy you, she's succeeded, hasn't she? And if not, you're getting annoyed for literally no reason at all. Seems like a big deal over nothing.

It is generally the done thing that if someone is married, you send Christmas greetings to both them and their spouse, even if you've never met said spouse

Says who? Load of bollocks. My friends send cards to me, why would they address them to Mr Piano Player, unless they are his friends as well?

Turning the situation around, a very old friend who I do not see because of distance, but we keep in touch through email and cards - every Christmas and birthday I receive a gift and card signed with love from both her and her DH. I have never met him, and I know the card and gift is her doing, so I am always slightly irritated by it (though grateful for such a lovely long standing friend). I feel my relationship is with her alone, not her and her unknown DH. But she is just being very kindhearted, so I don't really mind.

I don’t think there’s any frothing involved

There is, and you started it. Pretending youre not actually bothered but posting about her "fucking card"? Why don't you send her a fucking card?