Ex wife’s mother and her fucking card

[Nicholashaslosthisknickers]

Afternoon wise Mumsnetters,

This isn’t a huge issue but one I thought I’d seek your opinions on in a light hearted way.

If you’re married, living together and generally happy, do most people send Christmas cards to both of you?

Now I do appreciate it’s nice to receive a card in these days of round robin emails extolling the virtues of giving to charity instead of sending cards, just as I appreciate it’s entirely up to the sender who they address their card to.

In a show of enormous passive aggression my husband’s former MIL sends him a card to our home addressed just to him. Every.Single.Year. She knows my name, I am step mum to her grand children.

He never sends her one. Never speaks to her. Never sees her. We’ve been married for 3 years and together for 7. I wasn’t the reason her daughter and he split.

I am expecting a torrent of first wives to come down on me like a tonne of bricks with all the usual she’s fully entitled to send a card to who she wants, he was her SIL, etc. But why not just include my name?

AIBU? Really be kind, this isn’t a big deal, it won’t change the course of anything. I’m just interested if I’m being an over sensitive dick head over this because it’s really bloody annoying.

So the card is just to his or to him & his kid(s)?

I include people I've never met-especially if they live at the address that the card is being sent to.

We got one today addressed to me and my ex. We’ve been married for over 20 years and my ex and I separated 42 years ago!

Except she does know her so that’s not what’s happening here, is it?

But she doesn't know her, so yes, it is. Having met someone is not the same as knowing them. Do keep up!

Rude

I don't get why would you want your name included on a card from your OH's ex MIL. You said you barely know each other and that you don't send her a card anyway so why would she ?!

@Thorilicious

But you don't send her a card, despite her being grandmother to your step kids?

This^^ “I don’t send her a card because I don’t really know her”. But you said you do know her from dropping the children off.

Here’s a thought, send her a card this year and put your name on it!

Send her a card from just you and her grandchildren. She obviously sees you and your DH as separate entities so he can send his own.

I know you don't usually send her one but I'd have to send her some of her passive aggression back.

Or, in the world of the non paranoid/perpetually frothing people, she's merely sending a card to someone she knows and doesn't include people she doesn't know. Like a normal person.

I really agree with this, and I am not at all chilled. I can't imagine trawling through my husbands Christmas cards, policing whether everyone had included me in it - bizarre!

Do s she send her DGC separate cards?
In any case it's odd not to put dh and family.

You’re not her family? She’s sending a car to the father of her grandchildren. YABU

Maybe it's as simple as her feeling awkward and not knowing how you would feel about receiving a card from his ex-mil

I agree with this. My husband has an ex mil. She doesn't send him cards but if she did I wouldn't expect my name to be on it. I met her briefly once but other than that she's a stranger to me.

Why doesn't your dh send a card to his children's grandparent? That's rude.
Unfortunately it seems to be that in most households it's a woman's job to deal with Christmas and that includes the Christmas cards. So ex-mil never receives one and assumes that it's you that doesn't send HER one so doesn't include you on hers in case you get annoyed. She might have met you but doesn't know you. On the other hand she might just hate you. Who knows?

Rude and passive aggressive. She knows exactly what she's doing

Its rude I reckon. It seems deliberate. At best its just very thoughtless.
My husbands ex always wishes him happy Christmas 'I hope you have a good christmas' You. YOU. and only puts his name. We have been married 7 years and have 2 children. He puts her children's names in the card... I think its passive aggressive on her part honestly. Why bother wishing your ex happy Christmas for ten years just to not include his wife and children... (I wasnt the other woman or anything there was several years d two other girlfriends gap)
So I totally sympathise... why go to all the effort of sending someone a card to their home every year and not include everyone you know full well is living at that address... its passive aggressive and deliberate I reckon.

Why doesn't your dh send a card to his children's grandparent? That's rude

Good point. All of this "she's such a bitch, pass ag, shit stirrer, rude" frothing over the exMIL sending her ex SIL an xmas card...when he's the rude twat who never sends her one back. I mean, she foes to the bother, pays for a stamp, and not only does she not get one back, ex SIL's new wife rants and raves about what a bitch she is on the internet.

I mean, really, who are the rude ones here? Not granny anyway.

Oh for goodness sake. What does it matter? He used to be her son-in-law and is the father of her grandchildren. You yourself say you don't send her a card because "you don't know her".

If I send a Christmas card to someone's house I will include everyone who i know is loving at that adress otherwise it just seems like a pointed snub... its rude. It doesnt matter if I dont know the other people very well.. if I know they live there too and I know their names theres no excuse not to include them in the card.

Bit of a shame she can’t include you, but I wouldn’t lose sleep over it.
My Ex mil is lovely, still gives me gifts and we get a family card & she’s lovely to my boyfriend. She is an exception I suppose but my ex and I are still on friendly terms and co parent amicably. Just sometimes folk don’t think or can’t bring themselves to be grown up about things.

I would make a point to consciously not notice

If she doesn't mean it unkindly, all good and if she does, great, I wouldn't afford her the satisfaction of noticing.

Win: win

So funny that all the frothers ranting about how rude granny don't see that they are far ruder themselves.

Just send her a Christmas card with a really breezy 'Merry Christmas [insert name]! Thank you for our a Christmas card, hope to see you in the New Year with the kids.

I mean, really, who are the rude ones here? Not granny anyway.

She is being rude though. Maybe if she sent the card in a proper manner she would get a response.

Its a good idea to send her one back one year and address it from all of you by name. Then if she continues to send cards with just his name on you will know for sure its rude rather than just her not knowing whether or not to include you or having forgotten your name or something.

Sorry, but this isn’t about whether you know her, or how well, It’s about being acknowledged. You deliver her GC to her yet you are not even worth acknowledging in a Xmas card. Really, Really poor manners on her part. I don’t think it’s frothing or hysterical just to expect the courtesy of your existence being acknowledged!

I can see both sides TBH OP. However, unless it's part of something bigger sometimes you just need to put in in the fuck it bucket and move on.