Ex wife’s mother and her fucking card

[Nicholashaslosthisknickers]

Afternoon wise Mumsnetters,

This isn’t a huge issue but one I thought I’d seek your opinions on in a light hearted way.

If you’re married, living together and generally happy, do most people send Christmas cards to both of you?

Now I do appreciate it’s nice to receive a card in these days of round robin emails extolling the virtues of giving to charity instead of sending cards, just as I appreciate it’s entirely up to the sender who they address their card to.

In a show of enormous passive aggression my husband’s former MIL sends him a card to our home addressed just to him. Every.Single.Year. She knows my name, I am step mum to her grand children.

He never sends her one. Never speaks to her. Never sees her. We’ve been married for 3 years and together for 7. I wasn’t the reason her daughter and he split.

I am expecting a torrent of first wives to come down on me like a tonne of bricks with all the usual she’s fully entitled to send a card to who she wants, he was her SIL, etc. But why not just include my name?

AIBU? Really be kind, this isn’t a big deal, it won’t change the course of anything. I’m just interested if I’m being an over sensitive dick head over this because it’s really bloody annoying.

@Glitter7

To those whom have asked why I'm responding now. That's my point of view and I have every right to share. Just like you do. I have just read this from OP so thought I'd give her some support.

I'm sure that your support on the matter is much appreciated but how did you come across the thread I'm wondering?

Send a card to her, just from you, raise her petty PA with your petty PA 😊

@Isthatitnow

I don’t send her a card because I don’t really know her

Yet you expect her to send you a card?

This. Does your husband send a card back? Is a card sent to her from her grandchildren?

Under the circumstances I think it's fine. She doesn't know you. I think it's a bit mad putting two names on a card if you don't know both people.

I'm just posting to see if the OP comes back with an update.

She’s rude.

Thank your lucky stars she’s not your MIL. And then give it no more thought

I'm with you, OP.

She probably isn't putting her grandchildren's names on the card because then it would be very obvious that she's excluding you.

She's probably doing it out a sense of duty to her dd. Was the split acrimonious?

It doesn't sound from your replies that she is spiteful, or that there's generally animosity anywhere. I'd suggest it's likely more awkwardness than anything heavily loaded. Send her a card next year addressed from you both.

No! Don't take on the wife work of sending cards to his ex-MIL!

I would bin it, I detest Christmas cards anyway, annoying bits of clutter.
My DH wouldn't even look at it, he hates them too.

I read it on here. Like majority of these, I came across it. Is this a joke question? "Why did I post?" Why not - someone somewhere may be in a similar situ.

ZOMBIE

Zombie, Dolores...Zombie.

I'd actually be quite irritated if my mother sent a card to my ex-H. He was behaving like an arse so I left him.
So I think she is being unreasonable, and you are not, but I am aware that I'm biased.

Send one back with just her husbands name on it.

Just write her address on the envelope cross your out and put no longer at this address! Then post it back

@Glitter7

I read it on here. Like majority of these, I came across it. Is this a joke question? "Why did I post?" Why not - someone somewhere may be in a similar situ.

Weird thing to do though, innit, reviving a dead thread. Your bon mots wasted, as pearls before swine. [Said with straight face]

There's no harm in reviving a zombie thread is there?

Depends what it's about. Revived zombie threads are always long ones then posters just read the opening post then reply to the long gone OP. All a bit pointless really, especially about Christmas cards in March.
Maybe if it was December 2021...

@Thorilicious

But you don't send her a card, despite her being grandmother to your step kids?

Why would she? That's the job of the children's father, surely?

Oh fucks sake!

@Nicholashaslosthisknickers

They had a normal SIL/MIL relationship as far as I’m aware. Friendly, polite, never a cross word. All perfectly cordial.

Sending the card is friendly, polite and cordial.

I mean it's a bit weird to me but also she doesn't know you and the card is literally for him

@Glitter7 I can guarantee you that your MILs best friend wouldn’t give a shit that you throw away her cards.