To be unhappy with daughters ex bf

[Littlemissgrump]

My daughters ex BF is staying with us atm due to both his parents having Covid. He’s in his first year of Uni and has suddenly gone from being a lovely kind fun guy to a party animal. The problem is my elderly mother lives with me and since being here he is out till all hours despite telling me he’s meeting a friend and will be back at 11. My daughter doesn’t want me to cause a fuss ( they parted on very good terms) but I think he’s taking the p* quite frankly.
Tonight it’s already almost 1:30am, I’ve no idea where he is or when he’ll be back! AIBU to ask his parents to talk to him?
My daughter thinks we should just let him do his own thing, but I have my Mother to consider?

Why exactly is her ex in your house?

He is old. Enough fo rent an air bnb, kick him out

A) you shouldn’t wait up for an adult

B) in Covid times his behaviour is unsafe and threatens your mother’s health. Your house, your rules. He behaves or he leaves in the morbing

Lock the door. Why is he even coming to your house let alone taking the piss. Just lock him out and go to bed he's not your problem!

@Gigheimer they have stayed v good friends, dated for 3 years and I get along v well with his parents. Bcos he had nowhere to go after Uni finished for xmas I said he could stay here until after his parents 2 weeks quarantine.

Surely it’s awkward for your daughter that her ex is living with his family - good terms or not??
Surely there are actual family and friends he is better off staying with?

@frayday I so wanted to do that. I’m lying in bed now. He asked me to collect him at midnight from the train station as he had said he was meeting 3 Uni friends for a drink but after I chased him on text he said he would be a bit longer and he would make his own way back! I’m thinking non of his friends live here so they’ve traveled to a London, what on earth are they doing at 1:30 in the morning

So that you end up in quarantine and your mother ill? Insane.

Kick him out.

If he has uni mates he can fuck off out and stay there!

This is insane, he is not your problem and you don’t need to deal with him. Out.

@Sparklesocks no they have no family close and his other 2 close male friends have at risk parents

I don’t understand why you offered and why you’re ferrying him about giving him lifts etc. Also staying with you while going out and mixing with other households means he could get infected and bring it home to your household (particularly bad if you live with an elderly relative). I’m guessing he doesn’t normally stay in uni housing?

He should have gone home and quarantined with his parents.

i'm not sure if this is even serious.
so you're saying you are willing to risk the life and health of your elderly mother, to appease your daughter, and keep in with ex boyfriend's naice parents, so as to accommodate him in the bosom of your family. and he doesn't give a flying fox. jog on.
yeah, sounds just about right priorities to me.

@Sparklesocks he’s at a campus based Uni so they couldn’t stay on campus after last Sunday.
Because of where we are in London it’s not easy to reach which is why I’m having to ferry him back and to to the train station

Surely he shouldn’t be meeting up with friends? Anyway sorry I would be sending him back to his parents, or he can go and stay with one of his other friends

Your house, your rules

I’d message his mother along the lines of

Sorry to bother you, but X hasn’t come back and I’m worried. Have you heard from him?

Just push the door open a little

@PomBearWithoutHerOFRS his parents didn’t want him to risk becoming infected. I honestly thought I was just doing a favour to a family I like, but I didn’t anticipate how much he had changed since the summer

Oh right - I haven’t heard of uni accom kicking students out over Xmas, normally your contract covers full calendar months rather than just term time - otherwise you’d have to move all of your stuff in and out for holidays which must be a huge pain. Which uni is it?

It just sounds like a huge risk for your mother to take him in, as kind as the intentions are. He probably would’ve been better off travelling home.

@Sparklesocks he’s at Oxford. Yes I drove up there and collected his things and brought him back!

@BluebellsGreenbells that’s what I was thinking but wondered if it was possible unreasonable

Tell him he either gets on board with the household rules and respects the fact your keeping outside of household contacts to a minimum for your mothers safety or finds a new place to stay.

Stop accomodating his wants and think of your families needs.

He’s just text me to say he’s still with his Uni friends and “dw we were all Covid tested before we left Uni”

@Mypathtriedtokillme yes, I think that has to be the conversation in the morning! I mean I wouldn’t tolerate it with my daughter so I shouldn’t with him

I wouldn't let him back in. You don't know how many people he's been hanging around with. Regardless of if he was covid tested or not, you don't know where those other people have been.
No way would I be putting an elderly relative at risk.