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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be unhappy with daughters ex bf

246 replies

Littlemissgrump · 12/12/2020 01:24

My daughters ex BF is staying with us atm due to both his parents having Covid. He’s in his first year of Uni and has suddenly gone from being a lovely kind fun guy to a party animal. The problem is my elderly mother lives with me and since being here he is out till all hours despite telling me he’s meeting a friend and will be back at 11. My daughter doesn’t want me to cause a fuss ( they parted on very good terms) but I think he’s taking the p* quite frankly.
Tonight it’s already almost 1:30am, I’ve no idea where he is or when he’ll be back! AIBU to ask his parents to talk to him?
My daughter thinks we should just let him do his own thing, but I have my Mother to consider?

OP posts:
MushMonster · 12/12/2020 09:06

Send him to his parents.
You have gone well above and beyond, but his behaviour is appalling. No way you should risk your own health and your mother's. He is old enough to think of this.

Retiremental · 12/12/2020 09:07

Is this for real?
You’re a mug OP.
Kick him out.
Never heard anything so utterly ridiculous in my life.

Nomorepies · 12/12/2020 09:09

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request

SeaMoonWave · 12/12/2020 09:09

[quote Littlemissgrump]@Sparklesocks no they have no family close and his other 2 close male friends have at risk parents[/quote]
You have an at risk Mother! Seriously no one should be mixing at all currently.
Tell him that it, you can’t risk covid in your household and you are leaving his stuff at the door. OP, you’ve probably sadly already exposed you mother with him going out each night.

Original poster
Littlemissgrump · 12/12/2020 09:24

I appreciate everyone’s response, agree I think I have been taken for a mug. Absolutely wouldn’t let my daughter behave this way.
Will let you know what happens later. He’s supposed to leave here until Thursday morning.

OP posts:
BreatheAndFocus · 12/12/2020 09:25

Unbelievable! He’s a rude, immature entitled little twat. Why on Earth are you letting yourself be treated like this? He’s taking the piss big-time and has no respect for you or care for your family.

Text him to tell him that this isn’t working out and that now he’s exposed himself to further Covid risk, you can no longer have him in your house. Leave his things on your doorstep and don’t open the door to him.

Phone his parents and detail just what a rude, selfish little twat he’s been and explain his latest escapade and that you can now no longer have him in your house.

Ignore any ‘apologies’ from him. He’s laughing at you behind your back.

WotWouldCJDo · 12/12/2020 09:25

Does anyone know anybody like the OP in real life? I really can't think of anyone who would behave like her.

diamondpony80 · 12/12/2020 09:25

He has absolutely no right or reason to be in your house. He's a grown man and either needs to look after himself or go back to his parents. How can you let your mother be put in that kind of danger? My mother has my elderly grandmother living in the house and we her children (who don't party at all) aren't even allowed to visit. We respect her wishes and want to protect my nan. Start putting your OWN family first and kick this guy out!

WotWouldCJDo · 12/12/2020 09:26

Text him to tell him that this isn’t working out and that now he’s exposed himself to further Covid risk, you can no longer have him in your house. Leave his things on your doorstep and don’t open the door to him.

Just this.

Oct18mummy · 12/12/2020 09:28

Wow he’s out and about galavanting and you have your elderly mother at home. Your family and safety comes first kick him out.

IEat · 12/12/2020 09:30

You mean he's having a great time and it's being young. Bring those days back

ReetDortyLass · 12/12/2020 09:31

Get a shed with a heater and a key.

I wouldn't be bothered though. The minute you make other peoples problems your own you're fucked!

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 12/12/2020 09:33

Glad you’ve seen the light OP. Don’t drive him anywhere. Just say you’ll put his stuff outside at a time of his choosing and wish him a merry Christmas. I would work on the basis that he’s already chosen to leave your home, so all you need to facilitate is him getting his stuff.

SeaMoonWave · 12/12/2020 09:35

Seriously don’t let him back through the door! The risk to your mum is huge with his exposure. He doesn’t give a shit about you or his understanding of covid spread. He thinks he’s invincible and will have not work a mask or SD with anyone

Ginfordinner · 12/12/2020 09:37

and his other 2 close male friends have at risk parents

So, your parents are more expendable than his friends’ parents?

What the hell is wrong with you OP, this isn’t your child, this isnt your problem- also don’t teach your daughter to be such a doormat, he’s an ex she should move on

This ^

DD’s ex BF turned into an incredibly arrogant self-obsessed unpleasant young man when he went to university - thank goodness he is now an ex.

Your daughter’s ex BF is massively taking the piss. You need to pack his bags and send him home. He isn’t your son. He isn’t your responsibility. The doormat behaviour you are modelling is a really poor example to set your daughter.

Nootkah · 12/12/2020 09:38

I've put YABU. Not becauae i think youre u reasonable to have an issue with this, but because YABU not to speak directly to him and to consider going through his parents! Just tell him its not on.

madcatladyforever · 12/12/2020 09:38

Can you imagine how awful you would feel if his behaviour caused the death of one of your family members?
This happens all the time, I have several patients who have been exposed to covid and have died via adult children who won't follow the rules and one elderly couple who were totally reliant on their adult son, the adult son contracted covid and died leaving them destitute.
Family comes first each and every time.
I miss my son and daughter in law terribly, I haven't seen them since December last year but my DIL has type 1 diabetes and neither of them go out, I simply would never expose them to risk.

ThatsMySantaHisBeardIsSoFluffy · 12/12/2020 09:41

@Littlemissgrump

I appreciate everyone’s response, agree I think I have been taken for a mug. Absolutely wouldn’t let my daughter behave this way. Will let you know what happens later. He’s supposed to leave here until Thursday morning.
Jesus wept. You still don't get it. Just tell him he's not welcome back in the house. He's not safe to return now he's been out partying.

Are you actually for real?!

BerriesAndPineCones · 12/12/2020 09:41

At his age he'll be far less at risk living with his parents than your mother is from being infected by him and his socialising. Get him out

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 12/12/2020 09:42

*Text him to tell him that this isn’t working out and that now he’s exposed himself to further Covid risk, you can no longer have him in your house. Leave his things on your doorstep and don’t open the door to him.

Phone his parents and detail just what a rude, selfish little twat he’s been and explain his latest escapade and that you can now no longer have him in your house.

Ignore any ‘apologies’ from him. He’s laughing at you behind your back.*

This ^

littlefireseverywhere · 12/12/2020 09:42

I think I’d get him to leave this morning, by taco. He’s broken his own rules putting you & others at risk.

JillofTrades · 12/12/2020 09:42

You are a mug op. Why are you so scared of upsetting anyone?
no wonder everyone is taking advantage of you- right down to your own daughter!.

Goldencurtain · 12/12/2020 09:44

What have you decided to do OP?

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 12/12/2020 09:45

Stupid doesn't even start to cover it.

lunar1 · 12/12/2020 09:47

There is no way he would be coming back in my house.