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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be unhappy with daughters ex bf

246 replies

Littlemissgrump · 12/12/2020 01:24

My daughters ex BF is staying with us atm due to both his parents having Covid. He’s in his first year of Uni and has suddenly gone from being a lovely kind fun guy to a party animal. The problem is my elderly mother lives with me and since being here he is out till all hours despite telling me he’s meeting a friend and will be back at 11. My daughter doesn’t want me to cause a fuss ( they parted on very good terms) but I think he’s taking the p* quite frankly.
Tonight it’s already almost 1:30am, I’ve no idea where he is or when he’ll be back! AIBU to ask his parents to talk to him?
My daughter thinks we should just let him do his own thing, but I have my Mother to consider?

OP posts:
Leaannb · 12/12/2020 01:57

@Littlemissgrump

He’s just text me to say he’s still with his Uni friends and “dw we were all Covid tested before we left Uni”
Text back....And yoir point is what? Remove yoir belongings out of my home before noon tomorrow
Original poster
Littlemissgrump · 12/12/2020 02:04

I’m working myself into a pickle as it’s 2am I know as a teenager he won’t see what the problem is but the longer he’s out

OP posts:
Original poster
Littlemissgrump · 12/12/2020 02:04

The more anxious it’s making me

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 12/12/2020 02:04

What the hell is wrong with you OP, this isn’t your child, this isnt your problem- also don’t teach your daughter to be such a doormat, he’s an ex she should move on.
Just tell him straight that he can no longer stay with you, you no longer feel comfortable and he has to go home.

Mycircusmymonkey · 12/12/2020 02:09

He’s a piss taking little shit isn’t he! Time for him to go I’d say

kazzer2867 · 12/12/2020 02:09

This is absolutely crazy. You are willing to potentially infect your elderly mother by letting this unrelated irresponsible person stay at your house. You need to toughen up OP and put your family first. Let his family take responsibility for him. He's not your problem.

alexdgr8 · 12/12/2020 02:16

how will you feel if your mother gets covid.
and has to go to hospital. and no visitors allowed.
and doesn't come out.

you do know most mortality is in older people.
but, hey, at least you'll have this young fellow to make up numbers.
so that's ok then.

HooverWhenTheCoastIsClear · 12/12/2020 02:18

He's a little shit.
Kick it out tomorrow. Your elderly mum is being put at risk each time he goes out not to mention using your house like a bloody 18-30s resort. Outrageous behaviour.

lyralalala · 12/12/2020 02:18

That's ridiculous. To protect him from his parents you are putting yourself and your mother at risk?

Send him home. He's taking the absolute piss.

alexdgr8 · 12/12/2020 02:20

you're worried about him being out late.
but not worried about your own mother. a highly vulnerable person. who looks to you for help and protection.
your. own. mother.
only get one.
are you due an inheritance or something.
because i simply cannot fathom your attitude and behaviour.

Original poster
Littlemissgrump · 12/12/2020 02:21

So still nothing from him so I’ve locked the front door! Feel bad but really upset with him!

OP posts:
Lolapusht · 12/12/2020 02:29

It’s entirely possible for him to move back to his own ho,e and not get Covid! You are not responsible for him. He’s not moved back home because his parents have Covid so he’s come to live with you and spends his time out potentially exposing himself and your family to Covid? He’s obviously not that bothered about catching it! Tell him to go take his chances with his parents (again, he isn’t guaranteed to get Covid by sharing a home with his parents and if he did he may not get bad symptoms. The same cannot be said for your elderly mum). He’s a CF of the highest order!

CareBear50 · 12/12/2020 02:38

He's a complete and utter selfish CF.

I would Def be showing him the door. Get his stuff packed up now, when he does show up very nicely say ....I'm really sorry but this is now putting our family at risk. Do not let him in the house. This does not need to be confrontational and can be done in a kind, gentle way.
Alternatively you could drop his stuff off at an alternative address he gives, if that makes things more comfortable.

I'd also phone his mother, as you know her, and explain v kindly why this situation is not working and how it's putting your mum at risk.

You have bent over backwards for him and he has literally kicked you in the teeth.

Good luck oP. No good deed goes unpunished x

CuntyMcBollocks · 12/12/2020 02:39

Its nice of you to let him stay, but he should have some respect for you and your home. He's treating it like a hotel and is taking the piss.

FlyNow · 12/12/2020 02:40

Hmm I think yab slightly Ur.

Having him to stay at all - very kind of you, I wouldn't do this. If you are getting annoyed in general with having him stay fair enough.

But I'm not sure why the biggest issue is him staying out late. What does it matter if he goes out? He's an adult. You don't have to stay up waiting for him or worry about him. It's not really about covid because you seem happy for him to go out, just not to stay out late, which doesn't make sense. Covid doesn't become more infectious after 11pm.

isawthat · 12/12/2020 02:46

YANBU at all

UserEleventyNine · 12/12/2020 02:47

What does it matter if he goes out? He's an adult.

He's not behaving like one. Adults don't take the piss by rolling in at all hours when they're a guest in someone else's house.

PleaseLetIanBeDead · 12/12/2020 02:50

So you've put your elderly mother at risk????

I hope this is a joke!

TinkerPony · 12/12/2020 03:01

Text him to stay put and not come back.

that1970shouse · 12/12/2020 03:03

I have ticked YANBU but in fact YABVU for allowing him to put your DM at risk. He can stay with these friends he has met up with. Don't give him another chance, get rid right now.

that1970shouse · 12/12/2020 03:06

[quote Littlemissgrump]@Sparklesocks no they have no family close and his other 2 close male friends have at risk parents[/quote]
YOU have an at risk parent. Age is the biggest risk factor. This is ridiculous.

Zagziggirl · 12/12/2020 03:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Saniteyes · 12/12/2020 03:43

If you really feel obligated to keep him staying at your house then fine, but don't give him a lift to the train station, and don't pick him up from the train station.

Why are you running around facilitating him going out?

justilou1 · 12/12/2020 04:03

Taking the piss. He can jog on.

CJsGoldfish · 12/12/2020 04:13

What's the issue with him staying out late? I don't get it.

I don't see why his staying with you is a big deal either. It's nice of you and I'd do the same. I'd ensure he has a key if he's going to be out late so he doesn't disturb anyone coming back in.