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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be unhappy with daughters ex bf

246 replies

Littlemissgrump · 12/12/2020 01:24

My daughters ex BF is staying with us atm due to both his parents having Covid. He’s in his first year of Uni and has suddenly gone from being a lovely kind fun guy to a party animal. The problem is my elderly mother lives with me and since being here he is out till all hours despite telling me he’s meeting a friend and will be back at 11. My daughter doesn’t want me to cause a fuss ( they parted on very good terms) but I think he’s taking the p* quite frankly.
Tonight it’s already almost 1:30am, I’ve no idea where he is or when he’ll be back! AIBU to ask his parents to talk to him?
My daughter thinks we should just let him do his own thing, but I have my Mother to consider?

OP posts:

MaryLeeOnHigh · 12/12/2020 07:58

@worriedandannoyed

Why does he have a bubble of 4 other people? He doesn't live in a single adult household so he doesn't get a bubble at all

OP is presumably talking about the bubble he was in at university. But that's history now they have all been out and mixed with other people.

NerrSnerr · 12/12/2020 08:01

I wouldn't be contacting his parents. He's an adult himself. Just tell him the facts. Tell him he can't come back as it's too risky for your mum. Tell him you'll pack up his stuff and he can collect it or you'll drop it round to where he's staying if it's local.

ThelmaNotLouise · 12/12/2020 08:03

caringcarer Seriously? He's stayed overnight in London which is about to go into Tier 3 while on the piss with a group of people he's had no previous contact with, and you think OP should just forget about it and let him back into her home to watch telly alongside her elderly mother? Your username suggests you're a healthcare professional so I'm gobsmacked you're advocating that this is okay.

beavisandbutthead · 12/12/2020 08:04

His behaviour is putting your mother at risk and others in the household. His own parents are isolating and keeping him safe whilst he is taking the mick. Sorry but I would be calling his parents and advising that he is being asked to leave. He is not your responsibility

teaorwine · 12/12/2020 08:04

@Littlemissgrump, please listen to what others are saying. A group of students did similar here, renting an Airbnb and all got COVID and it created a wider cluster. He could go home, isolate in part of his family home from his parents but doesn’t want to because it would be inconvenient. If he was worried about COVID risk he wouldn’t be behaving the way he is.
If your daughter doesn’t like your decision, you’re going to have to ride that one out, keep thinking about how you’d feel about letting him stay if your mother got COVID as a result of him.

In the kindest way, maybe spend some time on looking at your need to please others and fix things for others as it appears to be impacting negatively on your wellbeing.

Eviebeans · 12/12/2020 08:05

Sadly a lot of men don't mature until 35 and start their second childhood at 38

Branleuse · 12/12/2020 08:12

Id message him and say " look, youre taking the piss and you KNOW youre taking the piss. I care about you and your family very much, but not enough to put mine at risk. You are going to need to find somewhere else to stay. Ill pack your things up and drop them at your mums/at the door

FrangipaniBlue · 12/12/2020 08:13

@PomBearWithoutHerOFRS

He should have gone home and quarantined with his parents.

This!!! Basically he wanted to carry on partying so he's using your house as a B&B and putting you all at risk!!

Fuck that shit. Kick him out.

Winterwoollies · 12/12/2020 08:14

Why are you bending over backwards for and ferrying this little Prince around?? Being desperate to appease the mother of your daughter’s ex boyfriend is insane.

Especially when this entitled little twerp is KNOWINGLY putting your elderly mother at risk by getting shitfaced with all and sundry.

He should be ashamed. And you need to grow a serious backbone and kick him out and tell his parents exactly what he’s been like.

Penners99 · 12/12/2020 08:20

OP. Please do not let that piss taker back in your house. Bag his stuff and drop outside front door when he does turn up.

User158340 · 12/12/2020 08:23

Threads like this leave me gobsmacked. Get a grip ffs. Don't let him back in your house.

seven201 · 12/12/2020 08:24

Do not let him back in. He can rent an air bnb until he's allowed back into his parents house. Do not let him put you all at risk. What an idiot!

glencoco · 12/12/2020 08:26

Agree with pp, don’t let him back in the house. Pack up his stuff for him and put it outside when he comes, and don’t give him a lift anywhere either!
It was really kind of you to let him stay and he’s thrown it back in your face

Neolara · 12/12/2020 08:36

Well your update makes the outcome a while lot easier to decide IMO. I definitely wouldn't have him back. He can either isolate with his mates or with his parents. You'd be completely mad to agree to him coming back to yours. He, and his uni friend, have clearly not been social distancing in any way and the risks to your family and your mother are too high.

And in terms of the ex learning a life lesson in being a decent human being, it's actually pretty important to learn that you don't take the piss out of people who are doing you a massive favour. So a natural consequence for behaving like a thoughtless arse wouldn't go amiss.

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 12/12/2020 08:36

Simply read the rules for tier 2 and note, he is NOT permitted to stay in your house.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 12/12/2020 08:42

Your DD is worried that you putting restrictions on him will affect their friendship?

quite frankly, if he falls out with her because of something YOU say or do, he isn't worth having as a friend anyway.

Dcadmam001 · 12/12/2020 08:46

He is NOT in a bubble with any of the people he met with. That bubble only existed when he was at uni. He is therefore high risk - don’t let him back in

Audreyseyebrows · 12/12/2020 08:48

Stop being a mug. Protect your mum!

TillyTopper · 12/12/2020 08:54

You are doing his parents and him a massive favour - but you have to think of your own family and mother.

If he'd come to yours, stayed in most of the time, been helpful, then fine. But socialising to that extent and getting you to give him lifts is bang out of order. If he wants to stay with you he he goes. He can go home, Airbnb, Travelodge, hotel - plenty of options.

Camphillgirl · 12/12/2020 08:56

Why post on here and ignore the responses. His parents obviously don’t want him in their home for a reason - he is a selfish twit. Get rid of politely but firmly and don’t give him a second thought. Your dd had a narrow escape there.

viques · 12/12/2020 08:56

Can’t stay at his parents because they are isolating. Can’t stay at friends because they have vulnerable parents.

But can stay in your house , with your at risk elderly mother, and go out socialising god knows where ,illegally , in groups of random friends, who are also presumably not sticking to social distancing rules in an area of the country which has just about the highest infection rate at the moment.

Of course you want him to stay at yours. Who wouldn’t .

If I was you I would also be telling my daughter to sort out where her priorities lie , a disrespectful ex boyfriend or her family.

Hellotheresweet · 12/12/2020 09:00

I truly am struggling with the idea that there is a grown assed woman out there who has children and presumably a job, responsibilities etc... and is this weak and indecisive

Changedmynameagain1 · 12/12/2020 09:00

Honestly I’d contact his parents, yes he maybe 18/19 but your assuming that parent role whilst he staying with you and that even as an adult child comes with boundaries if they are in your home.

Those need to be clear, ultimately you are doing them a favour- it’s not your child and you shouldn’t have to wait up all night as you’ve assumed that responsiblity. Please contact them

Newmumatlast · 12/12/2020 09:02

This is ridiculous. I wouldn't tolerate my own child going out at all hours drinkig during covid. Too risky, unnecessary and disrespectful to the family. I certainly wouldn't have my child's ex doing this. He should stop or leave.

Newmumatlast · 12/12/2020 09:05

I should also say I've had a family member seriously ill with covid in and out of hospital due to long term impact, another friend hospitalised who is thankfully ok now, a work colleague hospitalised, and another friend's mate is dying of it. This is serious. If he is taking the piss he stops or leaves. London is about to go tier 3 anyway isnt it? For an intelligent lad hes not that bright

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