To be unhappy with daughters ex bf

[Littlemissgrump]

My daughters ex BF is staying with us atm due to both his parents having Covid. He’s in his first year of Uni and has suddenly gone from being a lovely kind fun guy to a party animal. The problem is my elderly mother lives with me and since being here he is out till all hours despite telling me he’s meeting a friend and will be back at 11. My daughter doesn’t want me to cause a fuss ( they parted on very good terms) but I think he’s taking the p* quite frankly.
Tonight it’s already almost 1:30am, I’ve no idea where he is or when he’ll be back! AIBU to ask his parents to talk to him?
My daughter thinks we should just let him do his own thing, but I have my Mother to consider?

Is this a parallel universe where tiers and restrictions just don’t exist?!

If you let him back in to your home then you cannot be surprised if someone in your home catches Covid. Sorry to be so blunt.

I'd be up very early and packing his stuff, there's no way he'd be coming back into my home. His parents are at no risk from him, he can go home and isolate in his room. If they are decent people they will feel really bad that he has put you all at risk after you've been so accommodating.

'The chances of him becoming very ill are extremely low' that should say

What an abuse of his hospitality. You have choices

1. Say nothing too unpleasant and let it continue
2. Angry confrontation and parting of the ways
3. A civil “sorry this isn’t working out for us and you obviously have alternate accommodation- please confirm when you will collect your thing”.

I’d go with an unrelenting 3. No change of mind, no apologies, firm but friendly. But very very firm with no discussion or negotiation. End.

Your hospitality...not his

"My house, my rules. Abide by those rules or go abide somewhere else." That simple.

Is t it 10 days self isolation now? I’d kick him out.

YANBU to be annoyed at him. However, YABU as you're enabling him. Just send him packing for goodness' sake!

So he hasn’t gone to his parents so he can go out as he wishes? He could have isolated with his parents... not fun but totally doable.. he just wants to party and not care about the risk he is putting anyone else at. I would text him this morning and tell him he needs to stay somewhere else for the next 10 days (due to COVID risk he has now exposed himself too) and that you will have his stuff ready for him to collect. If you are friends with his parents give them a heads up but I would be done.

Don't be such a pushover op. You are risking your dm health by allowing this. You are more worried about pleasing everyone (your daughter, her ex parents, he ex) rather than doing the right thing. kick him out now.

This is bonkers. This is your daughter's ex, why does he have so much power over you? You know he's taking the piss but I get the feeling he'll turn up hungover this morning and you'll cook him all his meals and you'll drive him to his next night out.

He's quite happy to keep you up worrying after he said he'd need collecting from the station at 12 .... when he had no intention of being there.

He's quite happy to put your mother at risk as he spends the night with a bunch of random people.

His parents were quite happy not to have him home. His uni were quite happy to let him stay.

Why the fuck is he in your house?

Pack his stuff up, stick it in the car and either take him back to Oxford or to his parents. He's not your problem.

His parents might not want him to risk catching Covid from them, but obviously he's not bothered.

However, since his friends have an Airbnb where he is staying overnight, problem solved. He can move in with them.

I can't believe you put the risk of him getting Covid from his parents above the risk of him to your family! Anyway, he's an adult so don't contact his parents just tell him to pack his bags and leave by noon.

I'd be contacting his parents this morning and laying it out clearly:

• he's not respecting your home by lying, not respecting covid and tier rules
• he's putting vulnerable family members at risk

He can come by to collect to his stuff but he worn be staying a day longer. He can go to his friends air BnB

I’d be calling his parents to come and pick him up today. & I would message him to explain why he’s not welcome back into your home.

I wouldn’t be tolerating his behaviour - it puts you all at risk.

Pack up his stuff. Leave it outside. Neither him nor his parents need to come into your house to collect his belongings.

If I were his parents, I’d be fucking fuming. You are doing them & him a huge favour.
If the parents moan & try to wheedle for him to stay - you can see where the son gets it. CFs.

I really want to believe this is made up by a troll, because I cannot believe anyone could be this much of a pushover! If it's true, why on earth are you enabling his shitty, irresponsible behaviour knowing it is putting your mother's life at risk? Sod his at risk family situation, what about yours????

Chuck his stuff out on the doorstep and when he turns up tell him he needs to find somewhere else to stay because his illegal overnight stay in an AirBNB with mates in Tier 3 means he's no longer welcome at yours. Do not let him back in.

He wouldn’t be coming back inside my house, no bloody way. I get that his parents didn’t want him to get covid, but tbh unless he’s got underlying health condition he’d probably be fine anyway. You have an elderly mother who’s health you have to think of, it’s nearly Christmas and his actions are at best going to put you all in quarantine for 2 weeks and at worst your mother in hospital. Or worse. No, he and his parents should have found somewhere else for him to stay. I would stop listening to what your daughter wants regarding this as protecting your mum is more important.

I do hope op will not be letting the inconsiderate little shit back into her home.
Pack his belongings and tell him they are waiting in the doorstep for him! Do not risk the life of your own mum for this dick. You owe him nothing, just remember to treat him with the same respect he has treated you and your family. 🥴

Getting rid of him doesn't have to be confrontational. Just text him that unfortunately, as he has put your vulnerable mother at risk you can't let him come back, and make arrangements to put his things out to be collected.

You’re a doormat.

If your daughter doesn't live with you perhaps she could host him...

Why does he have a bubble of 4 other people? He doesn't live in a single adult household so he doesn't get a bubble at all

You can't let him back into your house! He's burst the "bubble" and if he's got enough money to go and get drunk, he's got enough money to rent an Airbnb. He's not your child but your guest and has thrown your favour and hospitality back in his face.

All that needs to be said is "sorry you can't come back as I am not prepared to put elderly DM's life at risk". What he does next is not your problem.

And tell his folks so they can sort him out as he's evidently too immature.

I would leave it for now but point out you have an elderly mother and he needs to be more considerate. If all his friends were tested as clear he probably thinks he is safer than you. I couldn't get worked up over it, and certainly not lose sleep.