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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that DB and SIL should not have more children

221 replies

Fustratedsister · 22/10/2007 10:49

They have 4 children already, he is currently unemployed due to redundancy, she refuses to work, he is desperately trying to find a job that pays well and now she is pregnant again.

They have financial difficulties, my DM is bailing them out, I and my other DB have given them money to help pay bills. Why are they having more children for heaven's sake?

We know why She has got herself pregnant deliberately so that she won't have to go out to work. We have been pressing her, my DB has been encouraging and her family have also been putting pressure on her to find a part time job that would enable DB to take a lower paid job.

Her excuse is that the youngest needed her. The 3yo is now in nursery so she had no excuse so she goes off and gets herself pregnant again.

Next time I see my DB I'm going to tell him to get the snip or start using condoms because she obviously can't be trusted.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
Fustratedsister · 22/10/2007 11:30

Babies, there is a 90% chance this voluntary work will lead to paid work - his bosses have been very impressed with his work ethic and have asked him to consider an opening that is likely to arise.

OP posts:
lissiethevampireslayer · 22/10/2007 11:31

aaaaah, so she STOLE your brothers sperm!

juuule · 22/10/2007 11:31

And He doesn't need this pressure

Original poster
Fustratedsister · 22/10/2007 11:32

If my DB thinks that she is taking the necessary protection and then she deliberately does not take it, don't you think that she is deliberately getting herself pregnant?

OP posts:
BabiesEverywhere · 22/10/2007 11:32
  • 90% chance this voluntary work will lead to paid work-

But there is a 10% chance it will lead nowhere.

He is not a child, he is a husband who has 4 kids a wife whom he has got pregnant...he needs to find a paid job today not wait around for a possibility.

lissiethevampireslayer · 22/10/2007 11:32

then whats the problem? if he is going to be working again and they have decided to have sex, that sex has created another baby, whats the prob?

apart from the fact that the babies auntie blames its mother for everything?

JodieG1 · 22/10/2007 11:33

Sounds to me like they don't need his busybody sister interfering in their lives

TellusMater · 22/10/2007 11:35

"97% effective, so 3% bloody ineffective. It should say that on the label"

Only funny line in the film 'Nine Months'...

BabiesEverywhere · 22/10/2007 11:35

Sounds to be the first issue is the lazy brother who doesn't want a paid job and the second a nosey family trying to cause more problems.

Poor SIL, hope she has a nice supportive family.

lissiethevampireslayer · 22/10/2007 11:35

how do you know its deliberate?
you can forget to take it.
you can be ill.
you can take medication that affects it.
if he's so certain that he wants no more children then shouldn't HE take precautions too?
maybe they decided to try for another and he didnt tell you because he knows that you'd sit in judgment on them

Original poster
Fustratedsister · 22/10/2007 11:36

You guys must be on a differnt planet to me. Sorry I asked!

OP posts:
claraenglish · 22/10/2007 11:36

Message withdrawn

Carmenere · 22/10/2007 11:37

So if he is going to get a decent job soon, there is no problem. And accidents do happen and he is her husband and he loves her and his family and there is going to be a new baby.

There seems to be no one on this thread who is agreeing with your small minded, judgemental take on this situation. I would either reconsider your attitude or just leave it alone.

LittleMissNervoustWitch · 22/10/2007 11:37

anybody who has 4 children to look after can hardly be called 'bone idle' imo and why shouldnt your DB comb his DD hair! he is her parent too, are fathers not suposed to comb their childrens hair and so what if the dishes dont get done right away?
YABVU! sounds to me like you should mind your nose!

lissiethevampireslayer · 22/10/2007 11:38

why ask then?

TellusMater · 22/10/2007 11:38

I think the brickbats are for the heaping the blame not on your DB and SIL, but on SIL alone.

Original poster
Fustratedsister · 22/10/2007 11:39

Babies, my DB has worked full time since he was 17yo. He was made redundant last year, gone on govt training courses to improve his IT skills and he found this voluntary position which is likely to lead to paid work. He is not lazy.

OP posts:
BabiesEverywhere · 22/10/2007 11:39

FS, Just have a break for five minutes...have a nice cup of tea and come back and reread this thread when you are calm and relaxed.

Maybe then you can see what everyone else can easily see from the outside...I think you are too close to the situation to see it clearly.

A lot of this situation is your brothers doing and it is logically for you as a loving sister to try and find another target for your anger...but this does not mean that your SIL should shoulder your pain.

BabiesEverywhere · 22/10/2007 11:41

If your brother is not lazy and will be back in full time PAID work soon, there is no issue to worry about.

Smile, relax and look forward to the new family baby arriving next year

Original poster
Fustratedsister · 22/10/2007 11:43

How is it my brother's fault? She is the one taking the contraception. She is the one who does not want to work. She is the one controlling the situation.

OP posts:
BabiesEverywhere · 22/10/2007 11:44

Pregnancy is always two peoples responsibility

(I don't like the word fault..a baby is a blessing whatever the situation)

It is just as much your brothers responsibility as it is your SIL.

If you have sex you might have a baby...if you can not cope with the idea...don't have sex or have the snip.

Your brother did neither.

RubyShivers · 22/10/2007 11:44

FS - why do you dislike your SIL so much?
you act like your DB is a paragon, trapped in a terrible situation by a scheming wife
if they had an "accident" 3 years ago, then they should be using other forms of contraception as well to stop it happening again

claraenglish · 22/10/2007 11:45

Message withdrawn

BabiesEverywhere · 22/10/2007 11:46

But as I said earlier this is not a bad situation.

Your brother will be back in full time PAID work soon, therefore there is no issue to worry about.

Smile, relax and look forward to the new family baby arriving next year

Carmenere · 22/10/2007 11:46

How is it any of your business how they choose to live their lives? It's not. You choose to help them out but that does not give you a right to judge them.
If your sil is 'tricking' your db into more babies that is NOTHING to do with you. That is a private matter between them.

I feel for the poor cow, not only does she have to bring up a family of four on feck all money because her dh is doing voluntary work but her inlaws are nasty too and can't be happy for her in her new pregnancy.

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