To think knocking back 3 bottles of wine per week represents alcohol abuse & an alcohol problem?

[Trying2Heal]

I honestly believe I have been abusing alcohol for 10 years or so. I don’t really find drinking fun or pleasurable, it feels more like taking medicine to relieve pain or something. I drink just enough to numb out feelings that I can’t cope with (from childhood trauma + an abusive relationship). Even while in therapy I continued drinking -- in fact I felt an even stronger urge to drink after any therapy session that involved discussing traumatic memories...

During the past 10 years I’ve consistently downed one bottle of wine 3 nights a week every week by myself. Sometimes I might do 2 bottles a week instead of 3. On an extremely bad week I’d do 4. I’ve reached out to my GP for help with quitting alcohol but he said the amount I am drinking is that not that extreme and is not escalating. I have been in therapy and the therapist said she didn’t consider me an alcoholic.

But how can drinking an entire bottle of wine by yourself and getting no pleasure from it yet feeling compelled to keep doing it NOT represent an alcohol problem?

During the past 10 years I’ve quit about 5 times — at one point I quit for 18 months and felt amazing. But each time I end up going back. After the 18 month teetotal stint I was up for an amazing lucrative new work contract and the CEOs had a thing for champagne. I told myself that I’d indulge in champagne with them just that day to build rapport, make sure I got the contract etc and then immediately switch back to teetotal. But that never happened. I clearly can’t just have a couple of drinks without then feeling compelled to slide back into the wine binges.

Anyone here have a similar drinking pattern? Do you drink to numb emotional pain rather than just for pleasure?

Obviously it represents a problem if you find you can’t stop. There should be more help available. Whether or not your therapist considers you an alcoholic is irrelevant; do you?

I don’t think you are an alcoholic and I don’t think the volume of alcohol is what dictates alcoholism.

I do think you have recognised you have a dependent or at least unhealthy relationship with alcohol that you are not happy with.

As such, you’re fine and right to want to change: I don’t think you need a title of “alcoholic” to do that though.

I'd think a bortle at a time that regularly was quite a lot. And it's clearly a problem for you, so it's a problem.

I'm also put in mind of that old saying, 'an alcoholic is someone who drinks more than their doctor'. (I have no idea if you are an alcoholic btw, but I do think that was a pretty poor response from your GP.)

YANBU. You’re recognising that you are self medicating with alcohol. You’re not an alcoholic or alcohol dependent, but you right that you are mis-using it.
Personally, I’d tell the GP that you are struggling with past traumas which constantly affect your mood/emotional stability and so you turn to alcohol to numb your emotions. Ask for a referral to a psychiatrist so they can assess you for some proper medication that will stabilise your emotions 24/7 instead of you being in a cycle of feeling horrible, suffering from the trauma and reaching for alcohol to numb yourself every third day because when it gets too much to deal with on your own.
The fact you can’t quit alcohol completely proves you are self medicating with it, and you need proper psychiatric medication to help you live day to day.

I think your alcohol intake, whilst above guidelines, is very far from exceptional.

Services are stretched at the moment so in the bigger scheme of things I can see why your GP sees you as very low priority for help.

@candycane222

I'd think a bortle at a time that regularly was quite a lot. And it's clearly a problem for you, so it's a problem.

I'm also put in mind of that old saying, 'an alcoholic is someone who drinks more than their doctor'. (I have no idea if you are an alcoholic btw, but I do think that was a pretty poor response from your GP.)

So so so true. I could tell from the look on my GP's face that he's drinking a lot more than that LMAO

From what I have gathered from various people I have know plus the wisdom of MN, GPs don’t actually do much anyway, they just refer you to a local drug and alcohol service, which is also something you can do yourself if you want to. Can you look them up and give them a call? It’s not up to your doctor or anyone else to diagnose, you know whether your level and way of drinking is an issue or not, and specialists at an addiction service will understand better than your GP.

If you are not happy with your alcohol consumption and feel like you can't be without it, then yes, you have a problem. But I agree with your GP and therapist that this does not constitute alcoholism. And to be honest, your drinking and mine sound similar in quantity - I drink between 2-3 bottles of wine per week. Usually by drinking every day - so 1/3 - 1/2 a bottle per night. Quite frankly, in my day to day life at home, I do feel like I "need" that drink at the end of the day, so I do sometimes wonder about my dependency. But, at the same time, if for some reason I can't have it ( we don't have any in or I have a sick child or something) I cope just fine plus I regularly don't drink at all if I'm doing something else so I figure it's fine.

@Whatisthisfuckery

From what I have gathered from various people I have know plus the wisdom of MN, GPs don’t actually do much anyway, they just refer you to a local drug and alcohol service, which is also something you can do yourself if you want to. Can you look them up and give them a call? It’s not up to your doctor or anyone else to diagnose, you know whether your level and way of drinking is an issue or not, and specialists at an addiction service will understand better than your GP.

If a drug and addiction service will accept me I can certainly look into self-referring. I assumed they would not take me seriously due to anyone else I've reached out to seeming to think my intake/situation is "mild"

You can refer yourself to your local drug and alcohol team for assessment. You don't need to get a referral through your GP.

Sorry, cross posted. I spent years working with them and they will certainly take you seriously.

Your first paragraph indicates you have a problem. You want to stop but can't. Is that alcoholism? I don't know.
In terms of units per week it's quite high. The guidelines are 14 units per week, and 3 bottles of wine is 30.
I'm surprised GP just dismissed your desire to quit/reduce consumption. You could ask them to do blood tests for liver function and so on, if he says it's not a problem.

I regularly see my GP in various supermarkets. He only every has wine in his basket.

I don’t think 3 bottles a wine a week, by that I mean, the amount itself is at all problematic. It’s just barely over the guidelines and it’s probably pretty similar to what most people who drink socially drink (2-3 drinks on a Friday and Saturday and a glass of wine or gin with or after dinner throughout the week). But if it’s causing you pain and it’s a damaging coping mechanism, then isn’t unhealthy for you emotionally, if not necessarily damaging in a physiological sense.

If you feel like you have a problem you have a problem. I was the same. I tried to give up several times and managed it for months but still something broke me. I've now given up for good. I use an app called 'I am Sober'. You check in every day and it counts up the milestones and there are loads of posts from the sober community. That has helped a lot, although the real reason I managed to quit for good (7 months and counting) is my best mate died of cancer (not alcohol related) and I thought I owed it to her to make the most of still being alive. I have a photo of us together that pops up every day when I check in on the app and it really helped in the early days.

OP I think your local addiction service would be a lot more receptive than either your GP or a bunch of randoms on the internet who want to minimise your concerns to justify their own alcohol consumption.

You clearly feel that the way you drink is an issue, even if the amount you currently consume may not be especially problematic. Your instincts are the best indicator as to whether you have a problem or not and you are brave to admit to yourself that you think you have. Regardless of whether your current level of alcohol intake reaches someone elses bar for problem drinking or not, it is a problem to you, and from what I have experienced myself why drug and alcohol services, they go on how you feel about it, not some sliding scale of whether you drink/use enough t be considered to have a problem. I’m pretty confident that if you approach them you will be pleasantly surprised. Remember, they see people every day whose drinking was once at the evel yours is and they see the consequences of what happens when it’s not tackled early enough, so they should be only too happy to offer you whatever support you feel you need so you adon’t end up one of the seriously physically addicted people they have to deal with. They aren’t like many areas of the NHS in that they like to intervene as early as they can, rather than leave things until it’s too late and the damage is done.

Sorry, that last post is full of errors.

I dont know if its alcohol abuse or not but you are obviously want to change your lifestyle, so go for it. You don't need a reason to be healthier.
I think a problem will arise if you find you cant make the changes you want. I think you need to be careful about giving alcohol more power than it has and mentally making it more difficult to cut down.

It’s like anything, only the most severe cases get any attention when there isn’t the funding, whether it be the need for counselling, children with SEN, people with mental health issues etc....

Whilst you recognise you feel like you have a problem, I suspect because you can hold down a job etc and it hasn’t got any worse, you don’t meet their criteria.

I don’t think 3 bottles of wine is great, however it’s not 3 bottles of whisky either. I also think many people drink to unwind after work rather than loving the taste of it, so I don’t necessarily think your reason to drink is overly concerning.

It does seem a shame you’re seeking help to quit an unhealthy habit yet there’s no help available to you.

It seems like you aren’t happy with it so definitely refer yourself to the local drug and addiction service

What you're doing is the equivalent to saying "I feel dead inside, therefore I'm dead"

One is a feeling, the other a medical condition, neither are pleasant. No you're clearly not an alcoholic but you are in a lot of mental stress and suffering.

I am not a fan of reliving or discussing previous trauma, it never helped me and always made it much worse. People might not agree, but what works for me is burying the past in a very deep pit and covering it over with a lot of support that tells me how well/good etc I am in the now and present. I'm sorry for all the people I hurt in the past and who hurt me, but talking about it every week changes nothing for me.

In short, knowing that I am 'improved' today helps me deal with yesterday, which is in every sense in the past.

I don't drink, but I eat instead, so yes I'm fat. I doubt that quantity of drink is going to be good for you.

@79andnotout

If you feel like you have a problem you have a problem. I was the same. I tried to give up several times and managed it for months but still something broke me. I've now given up for good. I use an app called 'I am Sober'. You check in every day and it counts up the milestones and there are loads of posts from the sober community. That has helped a lot, although the real reason I managed to quit for good (7 months and counting) is my best mate died of cancer (not alcohol related) and I thought I owed it to her to make the most of still being alive. I have a photo of us together that pops up every day when I check in on the app and it really helped in the early days.

Thanks for this! I downloaded the app you mentioned last month. I decided to stop drinking on 25th November. Felt absolutely great a week later and thought "Oh it won't hurt if I have some wine tonight" Aaaaaaaargh

I've reset my "sober start date" on that app as of yesterday. I just want out of this vile pathetic ongoing cycle

Well done for quitting!!!! What a beautiful way to honour your friend

@oldshoeuk

What you're doing is the equivalent to saying "I feel dead inside, therefore I'm dead"

One is a feeling, the other a medical condition, neither are pleasant. No you're clearly not an alcoholic but you are in a lot of mental stress and suffering.

I am not a fan of reliving or discussing previous trauma, it never helped me and always made it much worse. People might not agree, but what works for me is burying the past in a very deep pit and covering it over with a lot of support that tells me how well/good etc I am in the now and present. I'm sorry for all the people I hurt in the past and who hurt me, but talking about it every week changes nothing for me.

In short, knowing that I am 'improved' today helps me deal with yesterday, which is in every sense in the past.

I don't drink, but I eat instead, so yes I'm fat. I doubt that quantity of drink is going to be good for you.

Burying trauma in a pit like you suggested is an almost guaranteed way to end up with problems. Like you said, you are abusing food.

Food issues might not be as damaging to the body as abusing alcohol but it's all very similar really.

Trauma won't magically disappear if we pretend it doesn't exist, unfortunately. Instead it will fester and spill out in other ways.

@Whatisthisfuckery

OP I think your local addiction service would be a lot more receptive than either your GP or a bunch of randoms on the internet who want to minimise your concerns to justify their own alcohol consumption.

You clearly feel that the way you drink is an issue, even if the amount you currently consume may not be especially problematic. Your instincts are the best indicator as to whether you have a problem or not and you are brave to admit to yourself that you think you have. Regardless of whether your current level of alcohol intake reaches someone elses bar for problem drinking or not, it is a problem to you, and from what I have experienced myself why drug and alcohol services, they go on how you feel about it, not some sliding scale of whether you drink/use enough t be considered to have a problem. I’m pretty confident that if you approach them you will be pleasantly surprised. Remember, they see people every day whose drinking was once at the evel yours is and they see the consequences of what happens when it’s not tackled early enough, so they should be only too happy to offer you whatever support you feel you need so you adon’t end up one of the seriously physically addicted people they have to deal with. They aren’t like many areas of the NHS in that they like to intervene as early as they can, rather than leave things until it’s too late and the damage is done.

Thanks so much for this. I will see what's available in my area

@DoraTheImplorer

Your first paragraph indicates you have a problem. You want to stop but can't. Is that alcoholism? I don't know. In terms of units per week it's quite high. The guidelines are 14 units per week, and 3 bottles of wine is 30. I'm surprised GP just dismissed your desire to quit/reduce consumption. You could ask them to do blood tests for liver function and so on, if he says it's not a problem.

I regularly see my GP in various supermarkets. He only every has wine in his basket.

so funny about your GP. I wonder how much he is drinking per week