To think knocking back 3 bottles of wine per week represents alcohol abuse & an alcohol problem?

[Trying2Heal]

I honestly believe I have been abusing alcohol for 10 years or so. I don’t really find drinking fun or pleasurable, it feels more like taking medicine to relieve pain or something. I drink just enough to numb out feelings that I can’t cope with (from childhood trauma + an abusive relationship). Even while in therapy I continued drinking -- in fact I felt an even stronger urge to drink after any therapy session that involved discussing traumatic memories...

During the past 10 years I’ve consistently downed one bottle of wine 3 nights a week every week by myself. Sometimes I might do 2 bottles a week instead of 3. On an extremely bad week I’d do 4. I’ve reached out to my GP for help with quitting alcohol but he said the amount I am drinking is that not that extreme and is not escalating. I have been in therapy and the therapist said she didn’t consider me an alcoholic.

But how can drinking an entire bottle of wine by yourself and getting no pleasure from it yet feeling compelled to keep doing it NOT represent an alcohol problem?

During the past 10 years I’ve quit about 5 times — at one point I quit for 18 months and felt amazing. But each time I end up going back. After the 18 month teetotal stint I was up for an amazing lucrative new work contract and the CEOs had a thing for champagne. I told myself that I’d indulge in champagne with them just that day to build rapport, make sure I got the contract etc and then immediately switch back to teetotal. But that never happened. I clearly can’t just have a couple of drinks without then feeling compelled to slide back into the wine binges.

Anyone here have a similar drinking pattern? Do you drink to numb emotional pain rather than just for pleasure?

I don't think it's a huge amount. The guidelines of 14 units a week at the end of the day is just a made up figure.

Op, just because you say you hate drinking doesn't make your drinking a special kind of drinking. Hating it and saying that even one glass makes you feel terrible doesn't change the fact that you are choosing to drink.

You are getting angry and defensive that posters don't understand the special reasons that you have to drink.

All alcoholics have a reason.

@MrsMiaWallis

Op, just because you say you hate drinking doesn't make your drinking a special kind of drinking. Hating it and saying that even one glass makes you feel terrible doesn't change the fact that you are choosing to drink.

You are getting angry and defensive that posters don't understand the special reasons that you have to drink.

All alcoholics have a reason.

Oh FFS mate, give it a rest.

@CoronaIsWatching

I don't think it's a huge amount. The guidelines of 14 units a week at the end of the day is just a made up figure.

I respect that not everyone considers this an excessive amount. Bottom line is what I'm doing re alcohol doesn't feel good to me psychologically or physically. I know plenty of people who drink more than this and are, from what I ca tell, fine with it. But I genuinely believe my drinking is a problem.

OP this has not been a straightforward thread for the you with nearly as many people dismissing your drink problem as people who are calling you an alcoholic.

It must be very invalidating for you when for you when you are clearly acknowledging a problem. After professionals doing the same to you, I can see why you might be feeling defensive. It must be really frustrating especially while dealing with unresolved trauma.

@Sally872

Try "the alcohol experiment" by Annie Grace. Really good for changing your habits around alcohol while being really kind to yourself.

Someone else just recommended this, or was that you? Either way I am actually about to type The Alcohol Experiment into Google and find out more! Thank you very much.

Savourysenorita recommended Annie Grace earlier.

@20shadesofgreen

OP this has not been a straightforward thread for the you with nearly as many people dismissing your drink problem as people who are calling you an alcoholic.

It must be very invalidating for you when for you when you are clearly acknowledging a problem. After professionals doing the same to you, I can see why you might be feeling defensive. It must be really frustrating especially while dealing with unresolved trauma.

Awww thank you for this. Yes I am clearly acknowledging that in my view I have an alcohol problem. I mean, for God's sake it's not exactly a flattering post is it!? I could do without the one or two hecklers claiming I'm making excuses for my drinking. LMAO.

Anyway, there've been some good pointers on this thread, including the possibility of self-referring to an addiction treatment programme and something (a website I think) called The Alcohol Experiment

@MrsMiaWallis

Op, just because you say you hate drinking doesn't make your drinking a special kind of drinking. Hating it and saying that even one glass makes you feel terrible doesn't change the fact that you are choosing to drink.

You are getting angry and defensive that posters don't understand the special reasons that you have to drink.

All alcoholics have a reason.

We're not going to help the op. Oh well at least we tried. I think the point were both trying to make Is everybody has valid reasons for feeling extremely affected by past traumas. But the WAY In which you deal with them is a choice that can me made (or changed) as the case may be. CARRYING on using coping mechanisms that you recognise aren't helping you and not making steps to change it IS an excuse.

I recommended Annie grace @Trying2Heal but I don't think you were interested in the majority of my post. I'm one of the 'hecklers'

@TableFlowerss

It’s like anything, only the most severe cases get any attention when there isn’t the funding, whether it be the need for counselling, children with SEN, people with mental health issues etc....

Whilst you recognise you feel like you have a problem, I suspect because you can hold down a job etc and it hasn’t got any worse, you don’t meet their criteria.

I don’t think 3 bottles of wine is great, however it’s not 3 bottles of whisky either. I also think many people drink to unwind after work rather than loving the taste of it, so I don’t necessarily think your reason to drink is overly concerning.

It does seem a shame you’re seeking help to quit an unhealthy habit yet there’s no help available to you.

Have you read the thread? Help is available

@ilovesooty

What you on about??!

The DR isn’t fussed with the OP’s situation- hence the thread, to see what constitutes as normal.

Had she said she drinks half a bottle of vodka every day then I’m pretty sure the door would be open

I'm on about the fact that the doctor's unwillingness to support doesn't mean that the help is unavailable. Community support can and does offer intervention for this level of alcohol use and a GP referral is not necessary.

3 bottles of wine a week isn't addiction, maybe a habit but you are by no means an alcoholic. You have at least 4 days a week when you don't drink, cut down the number of units you drink by either reducing the amount of wine or the strength of the wine you drink. There is no way consuming a bottle of wine in a night will make you an alcoholic unless you let it, keep an eye on the numbers & have as many alcohol free days as you can.

OP you absolutely can refer to the drug and alcohol team- google your area and you should find a number.

They can help with 1-2-1 and group therapies. My service has a weekly nurse clinic where they can supervise gradual reduction of units. Also they run groups for recovering and recovered people to get peer support. In addition they can signpost you to AA/NA meetings locally.

Don't be disheartened by the GP x

I think you are an alcoholic. You can’t stop or regulate your drinking.

But it is an illness, and it is important you remember this, it is not just because you don’t have the willpower to stop . It is an illness that is partly psychological and partly physical because your body is now dependant on the alcohol, so you are a person who needs real help, as with any other illness. You won’t be able to stop on your own.

In my experience (watching a close relatives relationship with alcohol over many years) your dependence on alcohol won’t stay stable, it will increase, and your ability to function normally will decrease. Your work will suffer, your relationships will suffer, and your general and mental health will suffer.

I am happy for you that you recognise that you have a problem. It’s the first step in getting the help you need.

@Savourysenorita

I recommended Annie grace *@Trying2Heal* but I don't think you were interested in the majority of my post. I'm one of the 'hecklers'

Great, you've mentioned this a few times now. Thanks so much. Enjoy your evening.

@PurpleFrames

OP you absolutely can refer to the drug and alcohol team- google your area and you should find a number.

They can help with 1-2-1 and group therapies. My service has a weekly nurse clinic where they can supervise gradual reduction of units. Also they run groups for recovering and recovered people to get peer support. In addition they can signpost you to AA/NA meetings locally.

Don't be disheartened by the GP x

Well said.

@Nat6999

3 bottles of wine a week isn't addiction, maybe a habit but you are by no means an alcoholic. You have at least 4 days a week when you don't drink, cut down the number of units you drink by either reducing the amount of wine or the strength of the wine you drink. There is no way consuming a bottle of wine in a night will make you an alcoholic unless you let it, keep an eye on the numbers & have as many alcohol free days as you can.

Thank you v much for your input. For me I think the best course of action is to completely stop ANY alcohol at all. The fact I don't even enjoy drinking says it all really. The fact that I continue drinking albeit not every day and sometimes with a year or so off at a time is a problem. Because it's not like an alcohol is an essential food group is it? The only possible reason to consume it would be if you enjoy it, surely?

Alcohol services won't be interested, it is hard enough getting them to accept someone who is totally dependent on alcohol in to the service due to cuts in funding, people who are dying from alcoholic liver disease may have to wait months for an appointment, by the time they get one it is too late.

In your shoes I would pursue counselling/therapy for your trauma as I think you said you have been. There isn't a physical addiction here thankfully at those levels so it's about dealing with everything underneath, and also about trying to introduce healthier coping mechanisms to deal with moods and feelings. Not as simple as it sounds when you've been engaging in bad habits/negative ones for so long I know. But totally possible to turn this around for yourself. I understand that there are some "sober bus" boards on MN that are meant to be really good - for people trying to give up or cut down. I haven't used them, but I've heard others refer to them.

For context, I'm a recovering alcoholic. Things got extremely bad for me and at my worst I was day drinking bottles of vodka and nearly lost everything. I was also hospitalised due to my drinking. But 20 years before that I could have written your post. I would have been drinking roughly what you were and was already aware that I had a problem. One of the most difficult things I've found to deal with along the way is that I have a lot of self-awareness (my counsellor comments on this a lot and I've always known exactly what I am) but it matters f**k all because knowing I was an alcoholic didn't stop me drinking for decades. That side of it is extremely hard to unpick - you know you've got this problem, and you know what you should do, but you continue not to do it. I've been sober for 6 years now anyway. You're right to try and knock this on the head now as there is a happier way to live.

@Nat6999

3 bottles of wine a week isn't addiction, maybe a habit but you are by no means an alcoholic. You have at least 4 days a week when you don't drink, cut down the number of units you drink by either reducing the amount of wine or the strength of the wine you drink. There is no way consuming a bottle of wine in a night will make you an alcoholic unless you let it, keep an eye on the numbers & have as many alcohol free days as you can.

This is very dangerous and uneducated advice to someone that themselves recognise they have a problem they'd like to sort out. 'advice' like this stopped me seeking life changing help. One of the first 'myth busters' on alcohol support is thinking you don't have a problem because of the amount you drink in comparison to other people.

@viques

I think you are an alcoholic. You can’t stop or regulate your drinking.

But it is an illness, and it is important you remember this, it is not just because you don’t have the willpower to stop . It is an illness that is partly psychological and partly physical because your body is now dependant on the alcohol, so you are a person who needs real help, as with any other illness. You won’t be able to stop on your own.

In my experience (watching a close relatives relationship with alcohol over many years) your dependence on alcohol won’t stay stable, it will increase, and your ability to function normally will decrease. Your work will suffer, your relationships will suffer, and your general and mental health will suffer.

I am happy for you that you recognise that you have a problem. It’s the first step in getting the help you need.

In my experience (watching a close relatives relationship with alcohol over many years) your dependence on alcohol won’t stay stable, it will increase, and your ability to function normally will decrease. Your work will suffer, your relationships will suffer, and your general and mental health will suffer.

When will all this happen?
I believe this is what has made the professionals I've asked for help not take it all that seriously. What they see is a physically healthy middle class professional who's had no issues with her career or finances, and has been drinking 2 to 3 bottles of wine per week for the past 10 years, with the amount and frequency never escalating in ten years.

All I know is that I don't feel comfortable with my relationship with alcohol. And I want to stop.

Three things strike me about your drinking.

1. You drink to numb difficult emotions
2. You can’t just have one drink once you start drinking
3. You aren’t happy with the way you drink

I’m an (sober) alcoholic. Nobody can tell you whether you’re an alcoholic or not, but this sounds like an unhealthy relationship with alcohol and in my experience, this kind of drinking very, very often eventually gets worse. The three bottles a week creeps up to 4 bottles then 5. Or the bottle in one sitting creeps up to two. Or the consequences of your drinking on your health or relationships suddenly kicks in.

You’ve very sensibly identified you could do with some help to sort this out. There is lots of sober literature, apps etc you can use these days, and depending on your local area’s provision, you might find drug and alcohol services good. They weren’t in my area, as they were over stretched. I got sober in AA, but I had decided I wanted to stop drinking completely. You don’t say if you do or not?

I was a 2-3 bottles of wine drinker for years, btw. Maybe a decade or more. But over a 2-3 year period I lost control of my drinking and it was extremely frightening. It crept up without me realising until it was suddenly so awful I had no choice but to confront it. It’s brilliant that you’re addressing it at an earlier stage .

This is very dangerous and uneducated advice to someone that themselves recognise they have a problem they'd like to sort out. 'advice' like this stopped me seeking life changing help. One of the first 'myth busters' on alcohol support is thinking you don't have a problem because of the amount you drink in comparison to other people.

I agree that this comment could be harmful to somebody else reading this thread who's also abusing alcohol.
For me personally this comment will have no bearing whatsoever. I read the comment earlier and just thought "Fair enough, she's entitled to her opinion. But it doesn't change my belief that I have an alcohol problem.. Doesn't change it even a tiny bit."

@Nat6999

Alcohol services won't be interested, it is hard enough getting them to accept someone who is totally dependent on alcohol in to the service due to cuts in funding, people who are dying from alcoholic liver disease may have to wait months for an appointment, by the time they get one it is too late.

That's simply not true. I got a very timely appointment (within a week) and live in a deprived town where there's a lot of hard core dependent folk. I was not in this category and drank less than the op. But like the op mine was an unhealthy coping mechanism that I had grown addicted to psychologically regardless of reasons by that point. So anyway... To say they won't be interested is a lie. My counsellor was excellent and we worked through lots of psychological material that was so simple yet I'd never come across before. E. G the cycle of addiction. Also I worked in a senior role in healthcare and did not wish to be seen by other service users who may recognise me so they even arranged to home visit me.

Just realised I cross posted with you, OP.

It might not happen. You might drink 2-3 bottles of wine a week forever. I can only speak from my experience in A.A., of seeing so many alcoholics who drank like this for years, but eventually lost control. Alcoholism - especially, I’ve found, in professional women who generally have their shit together - can be a slow burn, insidious, creeping illness.