To think knocking back 3 bottles of wine per week represents alcohol abuse & an alcohol problem?

[Trying2Heal]

I honestly believe I have been abusing alcohol for 10 years or so. I don’t really find drinking fun or pleasurable, it feels more like taking medicine to relieve pain or something. I drink just enough to numb out feelings that I can’t cope with (from childhood trauma + an abusive relationship). Even while in therapy I continued drinking -- in fact I felt an even stronger urge to drink after any therapy session that involved discussing traumatic memories...

During the past 10 years I’ve consistently downed one bottle of wine 3 nights a week every week by myself. Sometimes I might do 2 bottles a week instead of 3. On an extremely bad week I’d do 4. I’ve reached out to my GP for help with quitting alcohol but he said the amount I am drinking is that not that extreme and is not escalating. I have been in therapy and the therapist said she didn’t consider me an alcoholic.

But how can drinking an entire bottle of wine by yourself and getting no pleasure from it yet feeling compelled to keep doing it NOT represent an alcohol problem?

During the past 10 years I’ve quit about 5 times — at one point I quit for 18 months and felt amazing. But each time I end up going back. After the 18 month teetotal stint I was up for an amazing lucrative new work contract and the CEOs had a thing for champagne. I told myself that I’d indulge in champagne with them just that day to build rapport, make sure I got the contract etc and then immediately switch back to teetotal. But that never happened. I clearly can’t just have a couple of drinks without then feeling compelled to slide back into the wine binges.

Anyone here have a similar drinking pattern? Do you drink to numb emotional pain rather than just for pleasure?

@Seychelles98

Yes *@Trying2Heal* I consider that quite a lot of alcohol to drink in one week but maybe I'm out of touch! I know someone who drinks 9 - 12 of those individual bottles of wine (they have 1 and a half glasses in them) on a night out! I think that's a lot to have in one night but she thinks it isn't and says she could drink more!

She's in a professional job and frequently goes to wine bars and nice restaurants with clients during non-Covid times etc who equally drink as much according to her.

Does anyone think I'm old fashioned or a party pooper for saying that this is excessive?

so surely that is like her having at least 10 glasses of wine in a night? What the actual....??? That's the equivalent of maybe 2 and a half bottles of wine.

I don't know how she does it!!!!!!

I think part of the reason I don't drink more than I do is that 1 bottle of wine makes me feel very very ill. And if I was to drink any amount of wine daily I simply would not be able to function. Even one glass of wine makes me feel like shit, which makes it all the more ridiculous and destructive that I am drinking it at all.

That is a lot of alcohol in those circumstances. I'd easily down that (and more) in my student days/twenties but now, in my 30's and drinking mostly at home, it's max a bottle per weekend and that's usually just one or two weekends per month. Any more and I feel grim and it would definitely effect my mood and energy.

I don't have any suggestions for you but yes you're definitely dependent considering you don't even enjoy it and yet it's still a compulsion.

3 bottles of wine a week is more than I normally drink, but I'd still class that as light consumption. If I were staying over with a friend and we were both drinking wine, I'd expect us to get through at least 3 bottles between us over the course of a night. For drinks out, probably more like 5 bottles between 2, especially if including wine with a meal.
However, you know yourself best and if you feel it's an issue, then of course YANBU to seek support.

I don't think the amount alone would be cause for concern, it amounts to 9 large glasses, some people have a glass of wine with dinner each night and maybe two rather than one on a Friday and Saturday. However your reasons for drinking would be a cause for concern in my line of work, this isn't a habit or social drinking above healthy guidelines (which is pretty common) you are drinking to block emotional trauma. DH works closely with local alcohol and drug services and in this area they would offer you nothing, one of his cases was drinking multiple bottles of vodka every weekend but because she could abstain Monday to Friday plus Covid reductions in service they said there was nothing they could do to support her.

You've identified why you drink, and that's what needs exploration, as painful as it is and it might increase your alcohol use in the short term, if you don't develop other coping mechanisms for managing your trauma, it's unlikely you will be able to reduce or change the nature of your alcohol misuse. Counselling or psychological work is likely the best route to take in this scenario. If you can afford private psychotherapeutic care I'd recommend it over GP referred CBT

Isn't 10 units of alcohol in one sitting binge drinking?

I think it is a lot I'm surprised your GP didn't. It is a vicious cycle of routine boredom and addiction the excessive drinking will destroy your body it creates anxiety too.
It is really hard to give up a vice I hope you can access proper help.

I’d say it’s not a lot or a problem volume wise, my parents easily drink that as older middle class daily drinkers. But it’s the compulsion and the lack of enjoyment you get from it that is the issue. I don’t think expecting the NHS to help you deal with it is fair, sign up to AA or another support group if you really think it’s a problem. Can you try and get it down to half a bottle? It is actually possible to buy half bottles from vintners online. Or only buy those mini bottles?

but I'd still class that as light consumption. If I were staying over with a friend and we were both drinking wine, I'd expect us to get through at least 3 bottles between us over the course of a night. For drinks out, probably more like 5 bottles between 2, especially if including wine with a meal.

@CremeEggThief
Wow!! It's so interesting hearing other people's views and experiences. I'm a relative lightweight in comparison then I guess. I have a friend who knocks back two bottles of champagne in one night and considers that light consumption. When out with her a while back I drank 1.5 bottles of wine and was so drunk from that that I could barely even stand up or speak properly.

@notalwaysalondoner

I’d say it’s not a lot or a problem volume wise, my parents easily drink that as older middle class daily drinkers. But it’s the compulsion and the lack of enjoyment you get from it that is the issue. I don’t think expecting the NHS to help you deal with it is fair, sign up to AA or another support group if you really think it’s a problem. Can you try and get it down to half a bottle? It is actually possible to buy half bottles from vintners online. Or only buy those mini bottles?

@notalwaysalondoner

my parents easily drink that as older middle class daily drinkers. But it’s the compulsion and the lack of enjoyment you get from it that is the issue. I don’t think expecting the NHS to help you deal with it is fair,

I'm amazed your parents livers can cope with that amount. Also I think 30 units a week is more than double what an average size woman is meant to be drinking so I'd have thought it's totally fair to seek help from NHS for support with stopping this destructive compulsion.

Can you try and get it down to half a bottle? It is actually possible to buy half bottles from vintners online. Or only buy those mini bottles?

Wouldn't it make more sense to simply stop altogether? Sitting on my tod drinking wine because I can't cope with the trauma of my past can't be healthy, even if i were to switch to smaller bottles of wine.

@Shetoshe

That is a lot of alcohol in those circumstances. I'd easily down that (and more) in my student days/twenties but now, in my 30's and drinking mostly at home, it's max a bottle per weekend and that's usually just one or two weekends per month. Any more and I feel grim and it would definitely effect my mood and energy.

I don't have any suggestions for you but yes you're definitely dependent considering you don't even enjoy it and yet it's still a compulsion.

This makes sense.

DH works closely with local alcohol and drug services and in this area they would offer you nothing, one of his cases was drinking multiple bottles of vodka every weekend but because she could abstain Monday to Friday plus Covid reductions in service they said there was nothing they could do to support her.

Bloody hell that is really sad. @KarlKennedysDurianFruit

@Hollyhobbi

Isn't 10 units of alcohol in one sitting binge drinking?

Yes I'd say it is

@Emeraldshamrock

I think it is a lot I'm surprised your GP didn't. It is a vicious cycle of routine boredom and addiction the excessive drinking will destroy your body it creates anxiety too. It is really hard to give up a vice I hope you can access proper help.

I can't say I'm experiencing boredom either when drinking or during my teetotal months

You can self refer to alcohol support services if you feel they're needed? AA and others.

Bloody hell, I've just got back from a hospital appointment and thought I'd pour myself a glass or two, but maybe I won't now!

I agree with some PPs that 3 bottles a week isn't a huge amount, but you plainly feel it's a problem and want to reduce/stop but can't.

I wonder if exploring the triggers that make you want a drink might help, and maybe if you can do that, you might be able to find different strategies to deal with those triggers instead of reaching for a drink? And why only 3 or 4 days a week? What's different about the days when you don't open a bottle? Do you feel compelled to drink the full bottle once you've opened it, or could you stop before you've finished it?

I'd say you're a long way short of being an alcoholic, but that your relationship with alcohol is less than healthy. But I'm not best placed to judge in some ways, having worked with clients who drink 2 bottles of vodka a day and had a friend who regularly drank 3 bottles of wine a night, three bottles a week doesn't seem like much to me!

And I think in most areas you can refer yourself to drug and alcohol services.

Hey, it doesn’t really matter about the amount, it’s how you feel about alcohol that matters. Do you wake up the next day with feelings of guilt / shame / self disgust at medicating with alcohol ?
Do you tell yourself you’ll just have a glass and can’t only have one ?
Do you look for excuses to have a few drinks (to celebrate/commiserate/relax). Essentially, if it is taking something from you, from your life, it’s not good.
I had a similar pattern for years - not getting excessively drunk, but drinking quite a lot regularly, and maybe putting a bit of extra gin into my glass when we had a g and t, never saying no to another glass of wine. I used to wake it the night from the alcohol, have feelings of self hatred and disgust for drinking too much again, then would give up totally for a while and then start again.
Before lock down I knew enough was enough and I just decided to stop. Now, if I fancy a drink I just “play it forward”, how will I feel tomorrow ? What will I feel in the night time when I wake up?
Now, If I feel sad or low, I feel those feelings, I don’t want to smother them with alcohol any more, and because alcohol is such a depressant, it now seems those feelings are easier to bear. I feel like I’ve finally shaken free of its claws. Best of luck to you.

@TableFlowerss

It’s like anything, only the most severe cases get any attention when there isn’t the funding, whether it be the need for counselling, children with SEN, people with mental health issues etc....

Whilst you recognise you feel like you have a problem, I suspect because you can hold down a job etc and it hasn’t got any worse, you don’t meet their criteria.

I don’t think 3 bottles of wine is great, however it’s not 3 bottles of whisky either. I also think many people drink to unwind after work rather than loving the taste of it, so I don’t necessarily think your reason to drink is overly concerning.

It does seem a shame you’re seeking help to quit an unhealthy habit yet there’s no help available to you.

Have you read the thread? Help is available.

OP, I agree with you. It is problematic drinking. A bottle alone in one go is alcoholic behaviour. It's three nights a week now. You just have to have a bad run and let it become four or five and you are immediately into a very high danger zone. The issues are that it is binge drinking and that you need a whole bottle in order to numb your feelings. I agree that you need help. It's not the quantity over the course of a week that is the problem, it's the underlying habit and emotional reliance. I think AA or similar would take you seriously if you wanted their help.

I'm surprised to hear so many people say that the OP isn't an alcoholic "because 3 or 4 bottles of wine a week isn't much" That's 40 units a week, that is a lot.

I don’t personally think it’s the quantity, but it’s your relationship with it that’s the problem.

It’s like anything, only the most severe cases get any attention when there isn’t the funding, whether it be the need for counselling, children with SEN, people with mental health issues etc....

Whilst you recognise you feel like you have a problem, I suspect because you can hold down a job etc and it hasn’t got any worse, you don’t meet their criteria.

I don’t think 3 bottles of wine is great, however it’s not 3 bottles of whisky either. I also think many people drink to unwind after work rather than loving the taste of it, so I don’t necessarily think your reason to drink is overly concerning.

It does seem a shame you’re seeking help to quit an unhealthy habit yet there’s no help available to you.

Have you read the thread? Help is available

@ilovesooty

What you on about??!

The DR isn’t fussed with the OP’s situation- hence the thread, to see what constitutes as normal.

Had she said she drinks half a bottle of vodka every day then I’m pretty sure the door would be open

Our perception of drinking is skewed due it being endemic in our society, also if one person admits it’s a problem it means other people have a problem too.

@ilovesooty

You can refer yourself to your local drug and alcohol team for assessment. You don't need to get a referral through your GP.

And like other services, they’ll triage the situation.

Just because you can refer yourself to something, doesn’t mean you’ll get seen. If they have more sever cases she may have to wait for months and months.

www.nhs.uk/Service-Search/other-services/Alcohol%20addiction/LocationSearch/1805

@Suzi888

I don’t personally think it’s the quantity, but it’s your relationship with it that’s the problem.

I think it's both. 3 entire bottles of wine per week is actually an enormously unhealthy amount.