To think knocking back 3 bottles of wine per week represents alcohol abuse & an alcohol problem?

[Trying2Heal]

I honestly believe I have been abusing alcohol for 10 years or so. I don’t really find drinking fun or pleasurable, it feels more like taking medicine to relieve pain or something. I drink just enough to numb out feelings that I can’t cope with (from childhood trauma + an abusive relationship). Even while in therapy I continued drinking -- in fact I felt an even stronger urge to drink after any therapy session that involved discussing traumatic memories...

During the past 10 years I’ve consistently downed one bottle of wine 3 nights a week every week by myself. Sometimes I might do 2 bottles a week instead of 3. On an extremely bad week I’d do 4. I’ve reached out to my GP for help with quitting alcohol but he said the amount I am drinking is that not that extreme and is not escalating. I have been in therapy and the therapist said she didn’t consider me an alcoholic.

But how can drinking an entire bottle of wine by yourself and getting no pleasure from it yet feeling compelled to keep doing it NOT represent an alcohol problem?

During the past 10 years I’ve quit about 5 times — at one point I quit for 18 months and felt amazing. But each time I end up going back. After the 18 month teetotal stint I was up for an amazing lucrative new work contract and the CEOs had a thing for champagne. I told myself that I’d indulge in champagne with them just that day to build rapport, make sure I got the contract etc and then immediately switch back to teetotal. But that never happened. I clearly can’t just have a couple of drinks without then feeling compelled to slide back into the wine binges.

Anyone here have a similar drinking pattern? Do you drink to numb emotional pain rather than just for pleasure?

My drinking uncreased during lockdown and I was drinking about 5 bottles of wine a week alone and while I was enjoying it and was never hungover, I found it scary when I couldn’t seem to take a night off. I had a bit if a lightbulb moment and decided enough was enough and joined One Year No Beer and their 90 day challenge. I have lost track of days but am in my 5th month of being alcohol free. I found facebook support groups massively helpful and a lot of people swear by quit lit although I got my info/ support online.

You don’t have to be an alcoholic to have a dependent relationship with alcohol. If you don’t enjoy drinking , feel like you are medicating ir want to stop and can’t it is a problem for you, good luck on your journey.

I gave up drinking many years ago now. I'd say yes, you're an alcoholic. Then I'd qualify that immediately with what the fuck is an alcoholic. It's so loaded and conjures up unhelpful images.

You hate drinking yet you drink therefore stop it. You are not physically dependent, very few people are.

Do as a pp said and play the tape forward, you know the ending. Think of how much you hate drinking, focus on that feeling if your brain starts playing tricks on you.

Try Alan Carr's stop drinking book, he helps to think differently about alcohol and to do it yourself.

You can do it, I was drinking nearly 2 bottles of Bacardi in one sitting at the end. If I can give up, so can you.

You lose nothing, only your shackles.

alcohol is a poison so drinking a lot of it, or any of it come to that, can't really be ok.
A bit like someone saying they eat 3 giant bars of chocolate a day but it's not a problem because I haven't put on weight. It's just not good for your body.

@DogsnKids

I gave up drinking many years ago now. I'd say yes, you're an alcoholic. Then I'd qualify that immediately with what the fuck is an alcoholic. It's so loaded and conjures up unhelpful images.

You hate drinking yet you drink therefore stop it. You are not physically dependent, very few people are.

Do as a pp said and play the tape forward, you know the ending. Think of how much you hate drinking, focus on that feeling if your brain starts playing tricks on you.

Try Alan Carr's stop drinking book, he helps to think differently about alcohol and to do it yourself.

You can do it, I was drinking nearly 2 bottles of Bacardi in one sitting at the end. If I can give up, so can you.

You lose nothing, only your shackles.

Well I've not had any booze since starting this thread on Thursday and more importantly I've not wanted to drink at all. The mere act of writing down my thoughts about how disgusted I feel/felt about my drinking has helped immensely.

When you were drinking 2 bottles of Bacardi in one sitting did you not feel physically incredibly unwell? Thankfully the one thing that kept my alcohol consumption from ever escalating is the fact that even the amount I have been drinking up until now made me feel exceedingly unwell. I was actually unable to drink every day (I'd have loved to to be honest) but it just made me feel and look so ill.
I felt really rough today and it may have been the alcohol detoxing from my system as my body is not used to going more than about 48 hours without booze

There’s no objective benchmark for a drink problem, in my opinion.

If your drinking is a problem for you, then it’s a problem.

I stopped drinking in August. No, I wasn’t drinking first thing in the morning, no I wasn’t sinking a bottle a night or hiding empty bottles or displaying any of the classic ‘alcoholic’ behaviours.

But I felt constantly a bit shit, I was full of anxiety about how much I was drinking, I found it very very difficult not to drink, I wasn’t sleeping well and in the end I was just sick of thinking about booze all the time.

So it was a problem for me. And I approached quitting like a military campaign. Read a load of quit lit, signed up for the 30 Day Alcohol Experiment, bought in a truckload of Haribo, joined Club Soda on Facebook and hunkered down.

I’m not saying I don’t feel vulnerable at times - particularly in the run up to my first ever sober Christmas. But I feel amazing compared to my drinking days.

Quitting is hard. But drinking is hard, with no discernible benefits. You just have to choose your hard.

Good luck!

Oh, and I hate the word ‘alcoholic’. It’s bollocks. It implies that everyone should be able to drink alcohol, and if you can’t, then there’s something wrong with you.

You don’t hear ‘heroinaholic’ or ‘cocaineaholic’, do you?

@LunaNorth

Oh, and I hate the word ‘alcoholic’. It’s bollocks. It implies that everyone should be able to drink alcohol, and if you can’t, then there’s something wrong with you.

You don’t hear ‘heroinaholic’ or ‘cocaineaholic’, do you?

Personally I'm not yet sure how I feel about the word 'alcoholic.' I do believe that some people can just drink occasionally and can take it or leave it, while others have a strong tendency to have a problematic relationship with alcohol. Congrats on giving up. I've decided I'm done. The reason I was abusing alcohol in the first place was to help numb out trauma, but it no longer works effectively for that purpose. In the past alcohol served to help me forget/ignore emotional pain. Now it doesn't do that at all, it simply makes me feel like shit both physically and psychologically. So it no longer even serves a purpose. Goodbye alcohol.

3 bottles a week doesn't sound that much to me but then my perceptions could be warped considering my DH can put away 3 bottles in one night and maybe more

@Comps83

3 bottles a week doesn't sound that much to me but then my perceptions could be warped considering my DH can put away 3 bottles in one night and maybe more

Does your DH drink that amount quite frequently?

@Trying2Heal no thankfully . We've almost divorced over it a few times and he is getting help for it (apparently) it's a sore subject and our marriage is very rocky at the moment

It’s only recently it went to 14 units a week as the recommended amount, it used to be about 24 or something, a few years ago.

I also don’t think you’re an alcoholic. I do think you drink too much and you wish to change your lifestyle and stop doing it. That doesn’t make you an alcoholic though. I can see why a gp wouldn’t wish to dedicate scant resources to you, and stating it’s because your gp drinks even more is quite insulting to them.

[quote Comps83]@Trying2Heal no thankfully . We've almost divorced over it a few times and he is getting help for it (apparently) it's a sore subject and our marriage is very rocky at the moment [/quote]
Sorry to hear that. I hope him getting help with his drinking will help save your marriage x

@Bluntness100

It’s only recently it went to 14 units a week as the recommended amount, it used to be about 24 or something, a few years ago.

I also don’t think you’re an alcoholic. I do think you drink too much and you wish to change your lifestyle and stop doing it. That doesn’t make you an alcoholic though. I can see why a gp wouldn’t wish to dedicate scant resources to you, and stating it’s because your gp drinks even more is quite insulting to them.

I'm in touch with my local NHS addiction service now and they've been very helpful thanks.

Hi op. In my Experience off local addiction services you will get a limited number off sessions- though may still help. AA is great, you don’t need a religious belief but you do have to be able to use the word alcoholic which understandably is loaded/personal. I think online forums and with lot are great. You do sound conflicted as earlier in thread you said you don’t really enjoy it and then later that drinking more (pp mentioned) would be good to be able to do. That’s normal with the ambivalence it causes.... it’s mentally draining isn’t it x

@Bluntness100 It was something like 21 for men, years ago, but the limit for women has always been less.

I'll freely say I'm an alcoholic in that I can't sensibly handle alcohol.

Yes I was incredibly unwell after drinking that amount. But I drank like you for many years.

Amounts etc is all irrelevant, you don't like it, that's all that matters.

You don't really need help, it's all within your own remit. You're not physically dependant and you don't enjoy it.

Do you have a friend who is long term sober?

[quote PortraitOfAWoman]@Bluntness100 It was something like 21 for men, years ago, but the limit for women has always been less.[/quote]
Ok, but I think also we need to remember different countries also gave different levels. And the 14 is considered low risk. The more you drink over that the higher the risk is, it’s just a guideline. Drinking over it increases your risk of different illnesses, it’s not a rule.