AIBU to have just about fucking had it with men?

[PurpleFeather]

I’m sure some of you will pile on me to tell me “it’s not all men”, but right now I don’t fucking care.

Woke up to read about more horrific sexual attacks on women along my favourite running route (there have been many lately).

Dealt with some horrific sexism in my work meeting today (a “hilarious” conversation between male members of staff as to why men are just so much smarter than women).

Ended the day by receiving an e-mail from someone I line manage about how she approached inappropriately by a customer today.

So we can’t run safely, we can’t do our jobs and be seen as “equal”, and we can’t serve customers without getting harassed.

Today I am so so so angry. I am done with making excuses for men, and giving them the benefit of the doubt (“He probably brushed past me by accident”, and “he was only joking really”, etc). I am just totally, utterly done with male privilege and male violence rearing it’s fucking ugly head in every area of my life.

Fuck the patriarchy!

I often have days when I feel like this. And yes as you say it’s no all men but there’s plenty of these men!!

Thanks @43abc

To the person who voted that IABU, I would like to say... If you are not angry, you are not paying attention...

Yeah, it's draining. I don't care if it's not all men, it's too bloody many.

It annoys me that everything gender neutral is essential male

Draining is exactly what it is. And sooo fucking disappointing.

I actually forgot to mention another hilarious part of my day! I was part of a conversation about what women could do when out late at night to avoid being raped! It was well intended but I was like - How about men stop raping women?!? How about that?!?

In my experience most men are like that
Even the 'well to do' wouldn't harm a fly men

It’s utterly shit isn’t it.

What is the saying again?

“Men are afraid women will laugh at them. Women afraid men will kill them”.

YANBU. 2 DDs here and am dreading them getting older.

Totally agree with you.

In my last job I had to deal with men like this on a daily basis, including my boss. It drove me mad and I eventually went freelance to avoid dealing with it ever again.

If you are not angry, you are not paying attention...

Exactly. And so many women don't pay attention because today it doesn't impact them in a way they noticed. Far easier to think that they keep themselves safe, they behave properly, they do t hang around with men like that.

And then one day something will happen to them. And if they're lucky they'll think it's just a one off. If they're unlucky they'll blame themselves.

Because it's far easier to make believe you have control over what happens to you, than accept that society - and the state - effectively supports horrific male behaviours (aka rape statistics vs rape prosecutions).

@PurpleFeather

What is the saying again?

“Men are afraid women will laugh at them. Women afraid men will kill them”.

Yes. I've never read anything more true tbh.

Yes @PurpleFeather it's fucking shit

There are awful human beings many women BUT we make excuses for men. There are 'boys will be boys' people and 'he's mean to you at school because he likes you' people and 'you can't go out like that, people will think you're asking for it'

Until we raise our boys to stand up to their peers and disengage in this language and culture it won't change.

And unfortunately it probably won't change because (broadly speaking) young boys have dads, dads enjoy lads time, men and women enforce stereotypes. Peers encourage the patriarchy.

Does it benefit men to change?
Do they want to?

Already pisses me off when young adult males earn their friends off their sisters but egg them on with other girls.

Treat all women like your daughter/ sister/ mother because guess what we were all born from a woman!

*warn them off their sisters

@HotelliFinlandia yes yes yes.

I probably would have voted that I was being unreasonable two decades ago! That’s because I was a lucky little princess living a sheltered life blissfully unaware of the real world.

Two decades later, and several sexual attacks later (I’m not even counting the verbal ones, or the millions of instances of everyday sexism) I now look back on what a fool I was.

Yanbu, men are in the main, dick heads. Not all, but many. Selfish, entitled, arrogant, completely oblivious to their privileges

But, I do think it'll change and get better with every passing generation. Parents (mums) are much better now than say 30 years ago to not put their sons on pedestals.

So what’s your AIBU? If it’s “I’ve had it with men” then you are being unreasonable. If it’s I’ve it with condescending, threatening, misogynistic men then yep I’m right behind you

I agree. What I discovered recently is how bad the law is in protecting women who suffer DV. There is no law specific to DV and as a result sentencing guidelines are really vague. A man can beat his partner to within an inch of her life and get 2 years (I know someone who this happened to). If it was a complete stranger the sentence would be harsher.

@Canyoncall yes you are right!!! I’m so angry I can’t even write an AIBU anymore!

I am a 51 year old , with no more fucks to give really - well into grumpy middle aged ness . I have a 9 year old DD and trying to instil some knowledge into her that I wished I had. She is doing karate. I am talking to her about boundaries, assertiveness, personal space , already - on a general level at the moment . I have already spoken to her about not being ‘nice’ eg a couple of times when men have been a bit creepy. But I have been there. She’s 9 , and I’m already having to say these things., I hope I am providing her with the tools .

The one that gets me is contraception. Why the fuck did my partner and I think that it was acceptable that I was on the pill (which gave me a headache 4 days EVERY month, and put chemicals in my body) rather than him putting a condom on and therefore having a 9.9/10 experience instead of a 10. The efforts we/I/women go to when we're younger to make things slightly better for men, regardless of the inconvenience to ourselves, is absolutely shocking.

Dealt with some horrific sexism in my work meeting today (a “hilarious” conversation between male members of staff as to why men are just so much smarter than women).
It sounds rather OTT to me to describe that sort of conversation as "horrific".

In my experience most men are not as you describe them OP. Yes, I've heard colleagues bantering over the years and they make it clear it is a joke.

In relation to the sex attacks on your running route, could it be one serial sex attacker rather than many attackers?

"That’s because I was a lucky little princess living a sheltered life"

I don't think even that language is helpful. You hadn't been exposed to the real world and even if you did have iffy experiences your socialisation would have meant that they wasn't thought of as they should have been. There's nothing lucky about that and it didn't make you a princess.

The workplace stuff needs to be addressed and sex needs to be replaced by race and then ask if it's acceptable.

It's always a 'when' not 'if'with men.

Calmandmeasured1, why is it ok if it is made out to be a joke? It stil feeds, everyday sexism. Do you joke in a racist way? Would that be ok?