AIBU to have just about fucking had it with men?

[PurpleFeather]

I’m sure some of you will pile on me to tell me “it’s not all men”, but right now I don’t fucking care.

Woke up to read about more horrific sexual attacks on women along my favourite running route (there have been many lately).

Dealt with some horrific sexism in my work meeting today (a “hilarious” conversation between male members of staff as to why men are just so much smarter than women).

Ended the day by receiving an e-mail from someone I line manage about how she approached inappropriately by a customer today.

So we can’t run safely, we can’t do our jobs and be seen as “equal”, and we can’t serve customers without getting harassed.

Today I am so so so angry. I am done with making excuses for men, and giving them the benefit of the doubt (“He probably brushed past me by accident”, and “he was only joking really”, etc). I am just totally, utterly done with male privilege and male violence rearing it’s fucking ugly head in every area of my life.

Fuck the patriarchy!

@wetasstenalady

In my experience most men are like that Even the 'well to do' wouldn't harm a fly men

Absolutely this. Scratch the surface of a seemingly reasonable man and you will find a deep seated burning rage towards women.

No @Pyewhacket, he is not. He sounds awesome. Literally every poster has put a disclaimer not all men. Which is interesting in itself. For if there was a thread about OW posters wouldn't be putting a disclaimer that *not all women.

Oooh my first asterix has changed the text to bold.

Totally agree with you all. It's exhausting.

I feel exactly the same OP and I get more and more angry as I get older. I have a lovely DH and DF both of whom have supported me in every area of my life. But everywhere else I look I see awful, entitled men who behave terribly with seeming impunity.

Queenbee , and the male members of staff too ?

I'll hazard a guess that the posters defending men are (generally) younger. I didn't start properly paying attention till I was in my forties. Now I'm wiser, thus angrier.

OP, I feel the same and for that reason I have been single for almost 6 years, I have dated but they have proven to me that ‘most men are pricks’, I have been verbally, mentally and sexually abused over the years, I have had many male friends who have stepped over the line and tried it on with me, one was married and obviously didn’t give a fuck about cheating on his wife. I have been lied too, ghosted and used to the point I no longer trust any man. I hear so many stories of men cheating, men being abusive and women being raped .

I'm afraid I hit this wall a few years ago. My lovely colleague twenty years younger hit it around the same time. She's very attractive and constantly inappropriately hit on/made stupid remarks to (and worse) just as I was all those years ago.

I have two girls and I fear for them so much sometimes.

I wish I didn't still fancy men sexually, but there it is!

Nah. It's just people. Plenty of horrible, selfish, bitchy, aggressive, entitled women out there (I've had far more problems with women in my life than men). Some people are just shit.

I work with lots of nice men, well, they aren't openly sexist or making passes at the younger staff (most of the time). However, the whole tone of my workplace is that they had to be forced, by HR and society, to share power with women. They are sharing now, because they had to, but only ten years ago there was no women with children at all in the department, and they didn't think that was odd?

How many women are serial rapists? Peadophiles? Murder men because they met a new woman? Murder their children because their husband left them? Stab random women or men in the street? Kill other women because they’ve drank too much and they looked at them wrong?

Women are not perfect, but if you TRULY think that women are worse than men, then I guess you must be a man.

Scratch the surface of a seemingly reasonable man and you will find a deep seated burning rage towards women..

This is what's so exhausting and frightening.

@sheworkshardforthemoney Treat all women like your daughter/ sister/ mother because guess what we were all born from a woman!

This is something my husband has always said, to treat people how he’d expect his mum to be treated.

A conversation about why men are smarter that women wouldn’t take place where I worked, it would be classes as inappropriate, even made as a joke.

OP I do think that the men you’re describing are thankfully in the minority, but it’s definitely annoying.

Interestingly as I’ve got over 50 I’ve become invisible so I’ve never felt so safe!

yup- even the 'good guys' (of which DP is one) are markedly 'the good guys' and get angry if challenged

I'm sick of women being blamed for their reaction to things that men turn a blind eye to

so if I have trust issues - DP will get angry at being not implicitly trusted- despite him standing quietly by when his friends behave poorly to women- so it is

" see my friends treat women badly and have secrets and cheat, but don't you dare extrapolate that and then feel worried it might happen to you as I am A GOOD GUY and I've told you that so just immediately and whole heartedly believe that"

@PurpleFeather

Thanks *@43abc*

To the person who voted that IABU, I would like to say... If you are not angry, you are not paying attention...

You are being unreasonable though.

Some men are shit sometimes. The patriarchy is a thing. Misogyny is a thing. Everyone knows that. But yeah, as you actually said in your very first sentence, it's actually NOT all men. And you know that. So to say "I've just about had it with men" is no different to saying "I've just about had it with women/ gay people/ muslims/ jews/ young people/ old people/ fat people/ insert any other category here".

Talk about the problems with the patriarchy. Learn about feminism. But don't put all men under the same umbrella - that way lies madness.

YANBU at all. There’s a droning background noise of disrespect, complacency and contempt that, once you become aware of it, is maddening.

Also... just because I think you are being unreasonable here, does not mean that I am not angry at the patriarchy and misogynistic men. I just think the way you are saying it is ridiculous.

@blubberball

I agree with you. It's too exhausting to even go into it. If you find a nice, decent man, then you are incredibly lucky. It should be the norm, but it's not.

I agree with this. I am married to a lovely man and I know I am lucky to have him. If he is walking late at night and there isn't a lone female front of him, he will cross the road so as not to make her nervous. It's automatic to him, as it should be.

The thing is, I shouldn't have to feel lucky for that though, should I?

There are some decent men out there, but not nearly enough. It's disgraceful. ☹️

If a man said "I've just about fucking had it with women" there would be a complete pile-on.

Find more productive ways to express yourself, is what I'm saying. Maybe when you're less emotional (what a typical woman.... ;) )

Ad the lyrics to my favourites song go
“Sexual Violence doesn’t start and end with rape, it starts in our books and behind our school gates”
Seemingly innocent and innocuous statements towards boys at a young age drive them to this.
“Boys will be boys” .. fuck off
“He’s only hitting you because he likes you” duck off

@wildraisins

If a man said "I've just about fucking had it with women" there would be a complete pile-on.

Find more productive ways to express yourself, is what I'm saying. Maybe when you're less emotional (what a typical woman.... ;) )

You are right to be angry, and this is one of the only places women can be angry, not in the real world. We as women have to deal with so much shit living in the patriarchy. It's good to tell your stories of sexism, harassment and worse. How else will it change? I would be very cautious about bringing children into this pornified culture. We need to tell our stories, listen to each other, join together and protest. We are already in a war, we may as well fight.

I haven't got to the hate all men stage, but I do look back over my lifetime at the harassment's, sexual assaults, rapes, following, cat calls, sexist comments, leering comments, inappropriate jokes thats have all been forced on me because I'm a woman and I just don't look at men the same way. The worst part for me is watching the cycle continue with my DD17 who has been battling this behavior for about the past 5 years and has already been subjected to ALL of the above behaviors. My heat is breaking for her and what she is going through thanks to the men that think they are entitled to do and say what they want to her.

And no I'm sure not all men are like this, but I'm really hard pushed to think of 1 man that I know that's hasn't demonstrated one of the above actions.

I used to work with a batch of very right on guys. Very left wing, anti racist etc and seemingly on the surface pro women. However they thought they were on their own one day chatting to Trade Union reps (all men). They did not realise that me and a female colleague were in an outer office and could hear the way they were talking about women, was this one worth fucking, yes with a bag over her head. Their dislike of women was palpable. Taking the piss out of them, calling one a stupid bitch. These were people I very much respected and it was quite the eye opener. The nice dad, the nice brother and son - get them away from female ears and it is quite a different story. I was too young and frightened of them after that to do anything about it, I would not have been believed anyway.

Heard an awful story on radio the other day, woman who had been attacked by a serial rapist/killer whilst on a cycling holiday. Thankfully, she escaped from him mostly unharmed. Whilst giving details of the attack to police she was asked "Why do you think he attacked you? Were you cycling provocatively?"