AIBU to have just about fucking had it with men?

[PurpleFeather]

I’m sure some of you will pile on me to tell me “it’s not all men”, but right now I don’t fucking care.

Woke up to read about more horrific sexual attacks on women along my favourite running route (there have been many lately).

Dealt with some horrific sexism in my work meeting today (a “hilarious” conversation between male members of staff as to why men are just so much smarter than women).

Ended the day by receiving an e-mail from someone I line manage about how she approached inappropriately by a customer today.

So we can’t run safely, we can’t do our jobs and be seen as “equal”, and we can’t serve customers without getting harassed.

Today I am so so so angry. I am done with making excuses for men, and giving them the benefit of the doubt (“He probably brushed past me by accident”, and “he was only joking really”, etc). I am just totally, utterly done with male privilege and male violence rearing it’s fucking ugly head in every area of my life.

Fuck the patriarchy!

YANBU. Local news yesterday, young woman bruised, battered, damaged, photographed in her hospital bed. Sentence for this? X months community order. If she were a dog or a little donkey there would be lynch mobs out for the bastard boyfriend.

YANBU. Besides everything else, men as a group don't pull their weight with housework and caring responsibilities. This pandemic has really highlighted that.

yep, my former CEO has been found guilty of sexual harassment of two young staff members, now everybody else in the company (most are women) has to do a course on proper conduct in the office

I mean, I have managed 20 years of professional life without harassing anyone thank you very much!

and you know what? he still got a very generous severance package!!

I am interested to know why we go along with this and I bet it's the threat of violence...knowing men could kill us woth their bare hands...anyone else know why we accept patriarchy? Advertising? Culture?

Also as you get older you have seen more and are way more cynical. If a man travels with work by choice, lives away from his family or goes on holiday with male friends or alone anywhere like Thailand or Eastern Europe I just assume he is a grim shagger.

Yes, I am sick and tired of all the crap we have to think about or do daily to stay safe. Or the slights, subliminal or otherwise at work to relegate females to a secondary position.

In the summer I was doing my usual early morning walk and a guy followed me in his car, stopped, got out, looking me up and down, and asked me where I was going, and did I fancy going for a drink. He was in his 20s, a bit odd - he was wearing a thick winter coat and it was warm. I am middle aged, I was minding my own business, thought I was too old to attract attention (which I am pleased about) meaning I was too frightened for a few days later to walk in this perfectly normal suburban street. The shit starts at an early age and is seemingly never ending. My dad was violent and verbally abusive too. The sexual comments from men from the age of 12 plus were disgusting.

I saw a news item about a civil service lawyer who has been convicted of upskirting. He lost his job but his professional body have not struck him off. He claimed stress from work and his wife's illness made him stick his phone up a random woman's skirt who was sat next to him on the tube. A police officer saw him do it. Yes, when I am stressed the first thing I think of is trying to get a look at some bloke's pants. They are quite ridiculous and yet they are revered and in charge. Look at Boris and all his misogynistic shenanigans around women, looking like something that crawled from the laundry basket, but women throwing themselves at him despite knowing what he is and how he treats women. And he is our PM, it sends a signal that being like this is ok.

When you look back at life and realise all the contortions we make to attract men, stay on the right side of men for safety, or we have to clear up after them, make their lives easier. Seriously, younger women, don't bother. They are not worth the bother. There may be the odd gem amongst them but they take some finding.

PurpleFeather I totally get you! Coincidentally BBC Breakfast news talking to 2 Mums who had lost their gorgeous young daughters at the hands of their boyfriends .One was only 17 and had broken off the RL(only been going out a few months!) and he stabbed her to death .Absolutely heartbreaking .Worse still these "Domestic Killings" seem to warrant a lighter sentence somehow .(Didnt quite catch why) Fucking stupid! WTF is going on ?

Me and my friend had similar conversation yesterday discussing at what age men we noticed men acting inappropriately with us - for us both it was around 12 both shouted out while wearing our school uniforms- absolutely sick 😡

Yes and women being murdered during ‘rough sex’ and the men actually using it successfully in their defence and walking free.

I don’t know a single woman that can consent to being brutally murdered during sex. And I don’t know of any women that have murdered a man with their bare hands during sex and walked free.

I am simultaneously relieved and saddened that it is not just me😢

I have felt like this for years and it's not getting any better. My recent thing is male chefs. Can't stand to see fairly mediocre male chefs like James Martin and Tom Kerridge being praised and given tons of airtime. I was watching Great British Menu last night and in the final round there were 6 men and 1 woman. Of course the woman smashed it and the men just stood there with there with their broken ego's.

Apparently the reason there are so many famous male chefs, even though generally women cook a lot more, is because investors doesn't like to invest in female chefs because it's a job not seen compatible with having children. As far as I'm aware plenty of the male chefs have large families though. The women just don't get the same opportunity to start up their own businesses because they might give birth at some point.

"Was it really my fault?", asked the Short Skirt
"No, it happened with me too!" replied the Burkina
The Diaper in the corner couldn't even speak....

I read these 3 lines some years ago and it reminds me everyday that change will only come when when the male mindset changes and it begins in our homes, in our families, i our schools and in our communities!

I agree with you totally OP. Fortunately my line of work any sexism that is overt is dealt with quickly. But my DD has to fight x2 as hard and be twice as smart to get the same job as her brother.

I had a violent ex -even in court recently I was asked by a trained professional solicitor / barrister "why do you think he does this?" "why does he behave this way" "what do you think it is about what you do that causes this" about my ex -I responded I have spent 6 years victim blaming myself and wondering "why? What do I do? How am I causing him to behave like this" etc how about you ask him? and ask him why he beat his ex wife up? Why he harasses her? Why why why and not me the victim who has been proved in court to actually be blameless - actually been shown that I do not provoke him -or are you suggesting that me the victim is to blame for his actions-at least SHE looked mortified and back tracked and say she was thinking out aloud and was actually wondering if I knew of a formal diagnosis -I said diagnosis of mental problems or not -I have to dealt with his emotional and verbal abuse. How is that me being kept safe? Why don't you ask him? But still in 2020 you are attacked and somehow it is your fault as the victim. Constantly the court / solicitor etc find excuses for him -he is struggling with lack of contact? He is struggling with x,y,z -ok then but that doesn't excuse why he is verbally abusing me does it?

I think that one of the core problems is that our legal system is entirely predicated on the idea that a man’s freedom is the paramount value in culture. The worst possible miscarriage of justice is that a innocent man be convicted and his freedom taken away. That is enshrined in law.
Imagine if our guiding principle as a society was protecting life. If the lives of women and children were held in higher regard than the freedom of men?

No, it’s not just you. And it starts from early on. There is bias right the way down the line. Girls are encouraged into ‘softer’ less well paid areas of study. My DD is one of only three girls in a class of 30 pupils doing a GCSE in ICT. She’s in a year where over 60% of the pupils in top set maths are girls so there is clearly the aptitude and talent there. The three girls doing ICT all have at least one parent in an IT job. There is no encouragement from the school for girls to choose ICT; that has come from their families.

I have recently done a shirt course that looked at feminist issues. I spent every week getting angry.
I don't hate all men, I am fortunate to know many good ones...but as a section of society in general yes, many are vile.

Totally exhausted OP. I agree.

I’m sorry you feel angry OP. I’m l early 50, female, have 2 sons and predominantly male friends (which as I’ve grown older I’ve realised is probably down to not trusting women as my mum is a bit shit and my Dad is brilliant..). I also have female friends I do love and trust, but it took a long while.

Firstly, my experiences have not been anything like yours, despite working at a high level in a male dominated industry for a long time when I was younger. I am also lucky to be surrounded by amazing, kind, loving, respectful and loyal men in my life - these include my Dad, Brother, friends and my sons.

What I would like to know from all the women who are angry at, scared of and seem to hate ‘most men’ - are you mothers of sons and if so do they know you hate men and if so how does that make them/you feel!? Surely these awful examples of men are genuinely the exception not the rule!?

Hearing anyone generalise about women ‘women are...’ (unless you are talking about biological facts such as ‘women are the only members of the human race who can produce breast milk’ for example) winds me up. As does ‘men are’ - they aren’t, the men I love aren’t violent or predators or disrespectful to women, they’ve would view men like that as aberrations, not the norm. It saddens me that that’s clearly not the case for you OP and I apologise for essentially saying what you didn’t want to hear, but it is true & the outlook I hope (especially if we bring our children up correctly and without preconceptions or pre-conceived ideas about them probably being inherently evil simply because they own a penis..) then the world will become a better place!?

@Letitgohhhh

I think that one of the core problems is that our legal system is entirely predicated on the idea that a man’s freedom is the paramount value in culture. The worst possible miscarriage of justice is that a innocent man be convicted and his freedom taken away. That is enshrined in law. Imagine if our guiding principle as a society was protecting life. If the lives of women and children were held in higher regard than the freedom of men?

This so true. Have seen this attitude from "good" men who think if it cannot be proved in a court of law, within that framework that is already biased towards men, that it was a rape, then it would be a horrendous miscarriage of justice for a man to serve jail time. Even if he maybe did do it... The crime of rape itself, i think a lot of men deep down think it's not that big a deal. And not on a par with serving time.

I'm done with men after a lifetime of this crap. So much so I've just adopted a cat that can only be rehomed with a single woman as he has a pathological hatred of men.

I’ve had a few female bosses in my time and they were a nightmare, without exception. The guy who heads up our dept has worked everyday since April , consultant in acutely respiratory failure, and still has time to mentor and talk to junior , mainly female , nursing staff with appreciation and encouragement. Nothing is too much trouble for him to help others. Is he a shithead male tosser too ???

@madcatladyforever

I'm done with men after a lifetime of this crap. So much so I've just adopted a cat that can only be rehomed with a single woman as he has a pathological hatred of men.

I love this and i love your clever cat!

@Pyewhacket

I’ve had a few female bosses in my time and they were a nightmare, without exception. The guy who heads up our dept has worked everyday since April , consultant in acutely respiratory failure, and still has time to mentor and talk to junior , mainly female , nursing staff with appreciation and encouragement. Nothing is too much trouble for him to help others. Is he a shithead male tosser too ???

He probably fancies them.

What I would like to know from all the women who are angry at, scared of and seem to hate ‘most men’ - are you mothers of sons and if so do they know you hate men and if so how does that make them/you feel!? Surely these awful examples of men are genuinely the exception not the rule!?

I don't hate all men. I hate the way society still treat women as something that needs to be protected or owned.

And it gets ingrained into all of us for example

We use terms such as Princess to discribe someone who spoilt but Prince to discribe a brave man.

Boys will be boys, after one has just hit another child

I could actually go on and on about different terms that are used, there are so many

@Pyewhacket

I’ve had a few female bosses in my time and they were a nightmare, without exception. The guy who heads up our dept has worked everyday since April , consultant in acutely respiratory failure, and still has time to mentor and talk to junior , mainly female , nursing staff with appreciation and encouragement. Nothing is too much trouble for him to help others. Is he a shithead male tosser too ???

Really? Do you not understand the concept of being able to differentiate between decent humans, male or female, and the absolute fury that men in 2020 are still acting in horrific ways and not being held accountable?

Great that your boss is not a cock. It’s not about men at the individual level.