To ask if you have all DS’s??

[Pumpertrumper]

Considered Nc for this but I’m just going to own it. Please be kind not looking for abuse.

I’m 12 weeks with number 2 and starting to feel gender anxiety ducks for cover it’s come from nowhere. Never thought I’d mind as long as baby was healthy.

I have a very small DS already and I’m sure this is another boy. It’s just a feeling. I don’t think one gender is ‘better’ than the other at all and understand that kids don’t always follow ‘gender norms’ (although the majority do at a young age- I’ve spent a fair amount of time around kids).

I guess two of one gender just isn’t what I imagined. That doesn’t mean it’s bad just I’m struggling to picture it. I see mess, fights, mud everywhere, fart jokes, dinosaurs EVERYWHERE and football on every weekend.
(I grew up in a family of boys and it was exactly like this ^ I felt so different and left out)

Can people with all boys possibly share how amazing it is? The unexpected upsides? The non stereotypical stuff?

Everyone and Thor dog is telling me ‘how lovely it would be if you have a girl this time’ but no one and I mean no one seems in any way positive about the prospect of me having another boy! It’s so deflating.

Think hearing some positivity would make a huge difference xx

I'm gonna guess...your boys have long hair, play with dolls and have never been taken to a football match. It always amazes me how parents who go on about their boys 'not conforming to a gender' tend to actively encourage the 'female' traits and hobbies but not the 'male' ones. Funny that

No none of them have long hair - they all get to choose their own hairstyles. If they wanted long they could have it. They choose short and shortish.

They played with dolls when they were younger because that’s what kids do. They are all teens / adults now so they don’t.

Why woudo we take them to football when they don’t like football?? What a weird suggestion ! They all play the sports that they like.

As I said in my first post, we don’t have your rules “ you are a boy and football is masculine and therefore we must take you to encourage this masculine trait “.

You sounds a bit deranged TBH. You do know, don’t you, that’s it’s just a ball. You don’t kick it with your penis - women and girls play football too.

Children and adults of both sexes play sports with balls of all sizes and shapes. It’s got nothing to do with their sex or sexuality.

Honestly cannot understand the rush on these threads to try to convince the op that there is no difference between having a ds or a dd. I'm sure the op will love her children whatever they are but it's ok to be a bit sad that you won't have a dd or a ds if it's the other way round. You'll have endless poster queuing up to tell you that their sons are really sensitive and their daughters are brutes. However look at families with adult DC...be honest, there will always be the odd outlier, but generally daughters stay closer to their family and sons invariably do their own thing.

It’s sex, not gender. Your baby doesn’t have a gender. The two words are not synonyms.

I’m afraid YABU. You don’t know what it’ll be like with two boys as it’s personality dependent. My MIL has three boys - all of whom are completely different to each other. My DGran had 3 boys, different again.

If you had a daughter you don’t know what she’d be like- she might be a tomboy and loathe shopping or dolls or sitting quietly. And good for her if so.

Children are humans, not accessories. Be grateful you may have two healthy children.

We stayed at a B&B this summer- the owners had three grown up sons. We have one DS. They told us that generally boys are harder work when young, but easier as teenagers. Count your blessings.

3 boys and love them. Actually had a wobble when thought number 2 and 3 may be girls. They all bit different. My youngest two love a craft or art project. Oldest has no interest. I really didnt want to be stood at football pitch every weekend and dh isnt that keen on football so we directed them towards swimming, gymnastics, martial arts. They discovered love of bmxing so we have been doing that as a family and now getting into mountain biking. It's great as we do it as a family together.

My 3 boys actually are great company together and fight like all siblings but also play really well together even though they are getting older now.

I absolutely adore my two sons. Neither of them behaved in the way you describe. It's how you bring them up that determines how they behave.

Christ the stereotypes on these threads really bug me. Having all boys doesn't always mean chaos and dirt like having girls doesn't mean sparkles and dolls.
Also the people out there that don't have girls love to push the narrative that having girls is a bitch fest and boys are so much more cuddly - what utter crap. The same ppl who don't want ppl stereotyping their boys stereotype girls. Or come up with horror stories of fights if you have one of each. Honestly really annoying!
I have one of each they hardly ever fight, they are great playmates, my girl (this is going to shock ppl) super affectionate and cuddly. My boy cuddly too but not as much as my daughter. She really loves mummy and her time, more than my son.
So ppl and there stereotypes can just........
OK rant over! Carry on 😩😂

3 DS here and 1 DD. My boys were pretty straightforward, all play sport mainly rugby. Weekends spent on the rugby pitch. All three are very different in personalities. Eldest didnt have any dramas growing up, has a tight network of friends and minor blips in teenage years. My middle DS plays rugby too but is quieter, doesnt go out apart from school and rugby. Happy to hang out. A little grumpy now he is a teenager but no issues. My youngest DS is into sport but also very into arts and crafts, has lots of squabbles with his older brother. My DD was a nightmare, lots of dramas with friendship groups during primary and senior school. Nastiness via social media, being targetted by boys on snap chat and asked for nude shots, some girls had been groomed by boys for months, pretending to like them, sending dick shots and repeatedly asking for nudes and when they finally sent a nude shot the boys screen shot it and shared it. She is pretty tough herself as a young lady, very driven but girls have a very difficult time now

Three boys each a year apart and now early teens. I was initially really sad not to have a girl, but honestly I think it is a blessing I don’t. Our house is so much fun in a really boisterous noisy way that I cannot imagine it would be with a mix. We have family with a boy and a girl with the same age gap as ours and there just isn’t the closeness that mine share as they are not into the same things and don’t share the same bond. They disappear into their own rooms and do their own thing much more. I totally understand your disappointment, but really the reality of the same sex is better than the ‘dream’ of one of each.

@Pumpertrumper

Considered Nc for this but I’m just going to own it. Please be kind not looking for abuse.

I’m 12 weeks with number 2 and starting to feel gender anxiety ducks for cover it’s come from nowhere. Never thought I’d mind as long as baby was healthy.

I have a very small DS already and I’m sure this is another boy. It’s just a feeling. I don’t think one gender is ‘better’ than the other at all and understand that kids don’t always follow ‘gender norms’ (although the majority do at a young age- I’ve spent a fair amount of time around kids).

I guess two of one gender just isn’t what I imagined. That doesn’t mean it’s bad just I’m struggling to picture it. I see mess, fights, mud everywhere, fart jokes, dinosaurs EVERYWHERE and football on every weekend.
(I grew up in a family of boys and it was exactly like this ^ I felt so different and left out)

Can people with all boys possibly share how amazing it is? The unexpected upsides? The non stereotypical stuff?

Everyone and Thor dog is telling me ‘how lovely it would be if you have a girl this time’ but no one and I mean no one seems in any way positive about the prospect of me having another boy! It’s so deflating.

Think hearing some positivity would make a huge difference xx

Just so you know - girls like mud, dinosaurs, fart jokes and football too. And brother/sister fight too.

@Ilovesugar

Boys are so much nicer than girls. Girls are manipulative while boys are straight up talking.

I would pick boys over girls anyway!

That's lovely. Want me to be equally straight talking? How about raising the sex that grows up to rape, murders on average two of their partners/ex-partners a week, is almost universally the sex that abandons their children (your grandchildren) and then don't support them financially, and are the ones who perpetuate the stinking misogynistic society we have in place today?

I'd rather have adult human females end up making up the rest of my nuclear family when you put it like that - and like it or not, that's the fear women have when we talk about 'gender'* disappointment. Nobody wants to say it though.

*sex not gender.

I feel really sad for all these kids whose parents feel they have to “ actively encourage traits and hobbies” according to the parents’ gender rules. It must be so stressful for the whole family, trying to make your kids into someone they are not, just to meet the parents expectations and provide photos for their social media.

No wonder so many of them are so very unhappy, when they can’t just be themselves.

Why can you just encourage your children in human values such as kindness, generosity , hard work, helping others?

I have two sons. Both as different as day and night (even looks wise! Same father, but you would never pick them as brothers). Both are polite, and kind, and funny, and get on like a house on fire, then don't get on like a house on fire. They share a room and snuggle together at night, help each other out in computer games, play silly idiots with water pistols in summer, cook and draw and play with bows and arrows, and love their cats, and swimming, and do their homework and come to me for hugs.

The only difference if they were girls is I suspect there would be less wee on the seat (despite continually telling them to lift it, or wipe it after....)

I totally understand your disappointment, but really the reality of the same sex is better than the ‘dream’ of one of each

So to convince yourself that your own situation is perfect you tell people in different situations that theirs is worse. Hmmm

And all ds when small had tea parties and kitchens and trellises and tills and cleaning carts. You can still play all those things with boys. Husband wouldnt have dolls but we did tea parties with teddies. They loved dressing teddies too. Ds1 had particular passion for dressing up in dresses at nursery as we didnt have them at home.

My ds is great. He's sweet, kind, cuddly and very loving.

I have two DDs who play football, fight, like dinosaurs, get muddy etc. They like other stuff too.

Well said, Worldwide2. Most of that stereotypical boy/girl stuff is caused by upbringing. If you have a husband who is determined to create a rowdy, football-mad fart-joking mini-me, then that's what you'll probably get. Likewise, if you dream of having a girl so that you can have nail-painting sessions and do quiet crafting with lots of glitter and sparkles... Not that the result is guaranteed, but parental influence is obviously a big part of it.

I do love a good trolling on these sort of threads...well done for biting. I had a little bingo board ready 😂🤣

I feel really sad for all these kids whose parents feel they have to “ actively encourage traits and hobbies” according to the parents’ gender rules. It must be so stressful for the whole family, trying to make your kids into someone they are not, just to meet the parents expectations and provide photos for their social media.

What on earth are you on about? I ca assure you as a mum of a naturally sporty, outdoorsy boy, I'd much rather be indoors than walking through muddy field. Do you honestly think I dragged my ds kicking and screaming to the park with a football so I could take photos to put on social media..wft

Try not to worry op. I had a DD first, she would never entertain a doll! She liked tea parties sure. DS came along 2 years later and lo and behold he also adored tea parties! They spent many happy hours together on this.
Age 5 things he loved are Lego Friends (never the stereotypically boy sets), Trains, swimming, joining in nail painting with me and DD, writing stories. Things he doesn't care about so far: dinosaurs, football.
He is a very neutral boy, gorgeous in every way and I immensely enjoy being his mum. You never know what yours boys will be into.

@Pumpertrumper

Tbh I think it’s a really selfish thing from my point of view which is why I feel pretty guilty.

I grew up in a ‘mine craft, Lego, starwars, football and gaming’ family of boys (DB and male cousins) and I somewhere along the way developed a total aversion to it! I can’t even listen to football on the TV as it’s like nails down a chalk board. I really worry I’ll spend the rest of my life trying poorly to fake interest in these things.

Whereas when I look after my god daughter I love role playing dolls and tea parties. I never got to do that stuff growing up so it’s probably just novelty.

I adore DS and keep thinking to myself ‘two of him would be amazing’ but I know he won’t stay so small forever and I just worry he’ll ten before I know it and wanting to talk about gaming/starwars/football and I’ll just be fed up and bored.

I think my gender disappointment is stemming from my own concerns about my parenting abilities. I can fake interest well... but not for long.

I mean, one way of thinking is this is that actually if you do have a girl you're going to have a much bigger challenge, as you're saying that you'd massively prefer spending time with her than with your son - that surely isn't what you want for your little boy? If you have such strong, gendered ideas then it'll actually be much easier for you to build a healthy family dynamic with two boys than with a boy that you find makes you 'fed up and bored' and a girl who you expect to interest you?

If you have a husband who is determined to create a rowdy, football-mad fart-joking mini-me, then that's what you'll probably get

My dh isn't into football or any sports really. Ds is football mad, like every boy, except one, in his class.

Two boys here! Aged 7 and 10.

There is no fighting. They get on brilliantly.

They are interested in the same stuff, so play together really well.

Neither are particularly interested in football.

There is a lot of mud, because it's wet and we spend a lot of time outside. I guess this would be the same with girls though!

They both enjoy crafts, baking, cooking, playing the piano and drawing. They also love Minecraft, Lego, board games, Pokemon, cricket and days out. A pretty normal mix of things I think!

Neither went through a dinosaur phase. I did have to feign an interest in cars and transformers when they were young though! But my sister's daughter likes Barbies and I have to feign interest in that too...

There is a lot of bum/fart hilarity. I see this with their female friends too! If It gets too much I ask them to stop!

I've never parented a girl so don't know how different an experience it would have been, but I don't feel like I have missed out on anything.

I have two girls age 5,6 and a boy age 1 I wasn't fussed if it was boys or girls long as they were healthy . Girls are hard work and boys are wild lol