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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you have all DS’s??

213 replies

Pumpertrumper · 08/12/2020 05:39

Considered Nc for this but I’m just going to own it. Please be kind not looking for abuse.

I’m 12 weeks with number 2 and starting to feel gender anxiety ducks for cover it’s come from nowhere. Never thought I’d mind as long as baby was healthy.

I have a very small DS already and I’m sure this is another boy. It’s just a feeling. I don’t think one gender is ‘better’ than the other at all and understand that kids don’t always follow ‘gender norms’ (although the majority do at a young age- I’ve spent a fair amount of time around kids).

I guess two of one gender just isn’t what I imagined. That doesn’t mean it’s bad just I’m struggling to picture it. I see mess, fights, mud everywhere, fart jokes, dinosaurs EVERYWHERE and football on every weekend.
(I grew up in a family of boys and it was exactly like this ^ I felt so different and left out)

Can people with all boys possibly share how amazing it is? The unexpected upsides? The non stereotypical stuff?

Everyone and Thor dog is telling me ‘how lovely it would be if you have a girl this time’ but no one and I mean no one seems in any way positive about the prospect of me having another boy! It’s so deflating.

Think hearing some positivity would make a huge difference xx

OP posts:
CarolinaWeeper · 08/12/2020 10:14

Two boys here and they're completely different from one another, one is into everything.... loves cars, loads of energy, one much quieter, sensitive and generally calmer.

I did have a couple of weeks after having DS2 of mourning the idea of a daughter that I'd never have....but in reality it's brilliant. I do feel that for my children, having a brother is a gift. They are very close and in my personal experience, closer as siblings than others I know with a boy and a girl. My brother has all girls and it's constant drama and fighting.... I think my boys are simpler in that respect.

CarolinaWeeper · 08/12/2020 10:15

I'm also the only princess in this house, which I secretly love Grin

formerbabe · 08/12/2020 10:16

And these boards are full of posters whose boys wear dresses and play with dolls and whose girls climb trees and love football...I don't see that much myself in real life

Ilovesugar · 08/12/2020 10:17

Boys are so much nicer than girls. Girls are manipulative while boys are straight up talking.

I would pick boys over girls anyway!

BrumBoo · 08/12/2020 10:18

@Ilovesugar

Boys are so much nicer than girls. Girls are manipulative while boys are straight up talking.

I would pick boys over girls anyway!

I hope you're not being serious.....
speakout · 08/12/2020 10:19

*Boys are so much nicer than girls. Girls are manipulative while boys are straight up talking.
*

I cringe for you reading this- so much internalised misogyny.

insiwinsi · 08/12/2020 10:19

@ilovesugar "Boys are so much nicer than girls. Girls are manipulative while boys are straight up talking."

Wow, sexist, mysoginist, much!??

formerbabe · 08/12/2020 10:19

@Ilovesugar

Boys are so much nicer than girls. Girls are manipulative while boys are straight up talking.

I would pick boys over girls anyway!

What a vile comment.
BrumBoo · 08/12/2020 10:19

@formerbabe

And these boards are full of posters whose boys wear dresses and play with dolls and whose girls climb trees and love football...I don't see that much myself in real life
Of course you don't, because most parents make sure (whether consciously or not) that their children fit their gender stereotypes.
WishingHopingThinkingPraying · 08/12/2020 10:20

Thank God my 4th was another boy. My 5yr old eldest and his brother are inseparable. I hate gender divides but honestly, they just get each other in a way the two girls, closer in age to him, don't. My eldest is a bit if a loner, but not with his brother. He adores him and would spend all day with him so happily.

They are all individuals OP but same gender siblings can be pretty special in terms of relationship in a way it's rarer with mixed gender siblings.

formerbabe · 08/12/2020 10:23

Yes I agree that its easier to have two of the same sex in terms of them getting and having things in common. My ds and dd have very little in common to be honest

formerbabe · 08/12/2020 10:24

*getting along

Atrixie · 08/12/2020 10:24

1 have 2 boys and a girl. My girl was a proper tomboy, football, trees, skateboarding, boys clothes although she has grown out of it and is much more girlie now. One of my boys is totally stereotypical with erm, football, football, football and more football. My other boy is much more creative. But, the boys are so much easier. They love their mum (teenagers), we've had no friendship dramas, no mind games, they're just simple.

My daughter, who actually gives me very little trouble is all about the gossip, teenage girl traumas, and she costs me far more than the boys do too.

I love both but have to be honest, I wouldn't want more than one girl. I don't think that my sanity and bank balance would be able to handle it

User85630296481 · 08/12/2020 10:25

None of my 3 sons are into mud, dinosaurs or football. However we don’t have these strict gender rules that you mention, OP . They are allowed to like / dislike any hobbies / sports / interests / clothes they want.

Fortunately we live in a country where sex is observed at birth but their is no allocation of gender.

So that’s my best and most positive recommendation to you OP - let your children be who they want to be and don’t insist that they confirm to your strict rules and regulations. Please don’t punish them if they don’t meet up to your expectations - just let them be themselves. They are human beings in their own right and not just accessories for your social media pages.

If you find this too hard then please go for counselling / therapy. There is support out there for you.

Meatshake · 08/12/2020 10:26

I've got a 4 year old girl who is constantly outdoors, climbing and riding her bike.

I've got a 2 year old boy who loves cars, his toy kitchen, his baby dolly.

She loves pink and sparkly, but to be fair so does he. They both play at doing their hair and like me painting their nails.

They both draw for hours and love curling up with a story. Their favourite game to play together is jumping off furniture or throwing a balloon.

Honestly, I'm not sure I see much difference between the two. He's maybe a bit bolder and bounces a bit more whilst she's a bit more sensitive but that could be birth order as much as anything else.

DickKerrLadies · 08/12/2020 10:31

Boys are so much nicer than girls. Girls are manipulative while boys are straight up talking.

I promise you it's the other way round in this house!

ClaireP20 · 08/12/2020 10:32

Hi OP, I have 3 boys. I wanted 2 brothers (or 2 sisters) and secretly hoped my third would be a girl. The third is still a baby but I am of course completely in love and at the same time resigning myself to a life of boys...It is all farts and poo jokes at the moment with the older 2. And if I hear one more unhappy knock knock joke I shall scream...however they are very close and that is wonderful to see. One of my sons is a very good dancer and so that is something I get to be involved in, because I take him, prepare for shows, etc. My younger boy is football mad, but I've found that I've quite enjoyed being a footie mum on Sundays. Just because they are boys, and typical boys in many ways, they both have different interests and that means I can just about cope with the endless poo and fart gags. Xx

DickKerrLadies · 08/12/2020 10:32

Manipulation-wise that is.

They can both be nice and not-nice!

BrumBoo · 08/12/2020 10:37

@ClaireP20, and what if you have a girl who also loves poo and fart jokes? Or do you expect that having a girl means its less likely in her biology to enjoy those things?

PhantomErik · 08/12/2020 10:37

I have DD & two DS's.

Ds1 is a total bookworm. Very sensitive & affectionate. Loves lego, minecraft, marble runs, Harry Potter & greek mythology. Swims, rides his bike & will play a game of football but not into teams or anything like that. Naturally very clean, tidy & quietly spoken.

Ds2 is full of energy, loves animals, dinosaurs, trees, rocks & is very creative. Loves making models using plasticine & draws a lot. Can get dirty just by looking out the window & has a voice that really carries! Hates any sort of sport other than swimming.

Both very different to each other but both fabulous.

Dd is also fabulous in her own dancing musical & artistic ways but not the subject of this thread.

ClaireP20 · 08/12/2020 10:38

@User85630296481

None of my 3 sons are into mud, dinosaurs or football. However we don’t have these strict gender rules that you mention, OP . They are allowed to like / dislike any hobbies / sports / interests / clothes they want.

Fortunately we live in a country where sex is observed at birth but their is no allocation of gender.

So that’s my best and most positive recommendation to you OP - let your children be who they want to be and don’t insist that they confirm to your strict rules and regulations. Please don’t punish them if they don’t meet up to your expectations - just let them be themselves. They are human beings in their own right and not just accessories for your social media pages.

If you find this too hard then please go for counselling / therapy. There is support out there for you.

I'm gonna guess...your boys have long hair, play with dolls and have never been taken to a football match. It always amazes me how parents who go on about their boys 'not conforming to a gender' tend to actively encourage the 'female' traits and hobbies but not the 'male' ones. Funny that.
HeyDuggeesCakeBadge · 08/12/2020 10:40

I have a girl and a boy, my DD is so highly strung and a complete meance and my DS so cuddly, such a mummy's boy and will do exactly as I've told him as he doesn't want to ever disappoint me. I was a little sad when I found out I was having a boy because I wanted to have 2 of the same sex but my DS is an utter delight and I wouldn't change him for the world.

BrumBoo · 08/12/2020 10:44

@ClaireP20, what are female traits and male ones then? They only exist as gender-based 'traits' if you believe gender is a thing to start with. I have two boys - neither has long hair, only one loves getting messy, one likes dolls and soft toys and the other never even looked at them, one is sensitive and quiet the other is very boisterous, one loves kicking a ball around the other is obsessed with craft videos. None of these things has anything to do with the sex they were born, it's just natural personality.

mistermagpie · 08/12/2020 10:45

I do have a daughter but before she came along I had two sons.

They are both boys, but that's where the similarity starts and ends. They are completely and utterly different in every way. One is quiet, quite sort of studious and shy but sporty too and the other is boisterous, outgoing and into dancing, singing etc. They are very very different. So even if you get two boys they aren't necessarily going to be the same anyway!

premmie09 · 08/12/2020 10:45

Another one here with boys who very much dislike team sports. Never cared about what team won what, or ever needed to get outside to burn energy off. I am always 'forcing' them to play outside and run around (which drives me mad). They are all about books, musical theatre, film, computer games, board games, food, being with friends - all things I like too.

Try not to overthink it, really.