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Original poster

To ask how my “d” h spent £400 in a strip club

1000 replies

porcelaine · 07/12/2020 01:34

Posting for traffic. Please know that I am obviously naive as I have no idea what really happens in strip clubs and I don’t know what they cost, but H has just told me that his night out ended in a strip club in zone 1 and when I checked the balance there were 2 atm withdrawals for £200 apiece. So he’s spent £400 (we do not have) in a fucking strip club.
Can anyone enlighten me as to what this might buy as he claims it was just ladies dancing on tables in their lingerie which sounds pretty fucking suspect to me. £400.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
11
TyneTeas · 07/12/2020 01:38

Flowers sorry OP

Worriedandabitscared · 07/12/2020 01:40

Yeeeeeeeah, I can't say I've been in a strip club but £400 sounds more than a dance on a table to me. Don't they do that for free anyway and then people give them money that way?

But he spend £400 you don't have possibly having an affair with a stripper? I don't know what relationship boundaries you have but I think I'd be showing him the door.

Sorry this happened Thanks

Beketaten · 07/12/2020 01:43

Do you know how many people he was with? It's possible he spent that on several bottles of champagne or rounds of drinks, which are very expensive in these places. You're also expected to tip the performers. He could have been giving away £50 notes to look flash.

It's possible he was ripped off, or his card was stolen or cloned.

I'm afraid it's more likely he paid for several private dances - lap dances, plus tips. The cost of these can rack up quickly and could easily reach £400.

If the place isn't legit, it's possible that more services were offered beyond the lap dances.

You need to ask again what has been going on.

Beketaten · 07/12/2020 01:44

Sorry you're having to deal with this.

GlummyMcGlummerson · 07/12/2020 01:44

He's bought personal lap dances obviously. Sorry OP

joanwinifred · 07/12/2020 01:44

Gross.

Helpmylecreuset · 07/12/2020 01:48

Okay, here’s the Flowers firstly.

Taxis x 2 £25?
Entrance £25
Four dances £100? Last 5 minutes each?
Nose candy???? £100 Hate to say it but possible
Bottle/drinks £100 (or more, these places will ask the girls to ask if he wants champagne etc.

That’s almost £400 already without going in to any VIP rooms or the like.

What an utter shit you must be furious!

It’s not cheap. My DH went to a place on a stag do and ended up giving this girl €50 to leave him alone.

MerchantOfVenom · 07/12/2020 01:53

He’s blown £400 of family money on one night in a strip club, and thought you’d be OK with this??

It could ‘just’ be ludicrously over-priced drinks. Or it could be personal entertainment. You’re unlikely to get the full truth from him.

But the fact that he made cash withdraws, makes it at least somewhat suspicious...

Not OK...

Original poster
porcelaine · 07/12/2020 01:55

He was with 2 or max 3 other friends. All engaged or married. It wasn’t a stag do. It was just a post lockdown night out (they “had” to go to the strip club as obv no bars are open in a tier 2 area.)
He said he only spent £280 not £400 but he only had a tenner left in his wallet and the bank transactions are 2 lots of £200. Now I’ve seen the price of private dances is (relatively) low I think he must have had a few, best case scenario. I’m not stupid. Yet he claims it was ONE dance and the lady was wearing her underwear. I know there’s more to it, and I feel just sick. I’ve had 3 kids under 10 to look after all weekend, he was out from midday yesterday, got in at 2am then lay in bed til midday today, then a few hours later came clean about the strip club. But he’s just minimising. I’m sleeping in with dd tonight but I can’t sleep at all.

OP posts:
Worriedandabitscared · 07/12/2020 01:57

@porcelaine

He was with 2 or max 3 other friends. All engaged or married. It wasn’t a stag do. It was just a post lockdown night out (they “had” to go to the strip club as obv no bars are open in a tier 2 area.) He said he only spent £280 not £400 but he only had a tenner left in his wallet and the bank transactions are 2 lots of £200. Now I’ve seen the price of private dances is (relatively) low I think he must have had a few, best case scenario. I’m not stupid. Yet he claims it was ONE dance and the lady was wearing her underwear. I know there’s more to it, and I feel just sick. I’ve had 3 kids under 10 to look after all weekend, he was out from midday yesterday, got in at 2am then lay in bed til midday today, then a few hours later came clean about the strip club. But he’s just minimising. I’m sleeping in with dd tonight but I can’t sleep at all.
I think strip club aside, the fact he spent £400 (family money) on one night out when you have 3 small children (and being this close to Christmas as well) - that'd be serious conversation from me but the fact he's spent it in a strip club under these circumstances would be a deal breaker for me, as if the woman being in her underwear makes it all okay I'm so sorry he's done this Thanks
CoffeeCreamandSugar · 07/12/2020 02:01

I’m really sorry OP. That sounds like hell. I couldn’t put up with that. Whatever you decide to do please take care of yourself Flowers

grassisjeweled · 07/12/2020 02:02

What worried said.

He's a selfish, stupid idiot.

tectonicplates · 07/12/2020 02:07

Apparently this sort of thing happens quite a lot. There are clubs that are deliberately misleading about how much things cost, even the drinks, and you don't realise unto the next day. They get away with it because most people would be too embarrassed to query it. I imagine most people would be too embarrassed to report it to their credit card company either, and so it continues. It's happened to a couple of men I knew when I was younger, and it's deliberately designed to charge you lots of money without you realising. The only real way to avoid this is to just not go to the clubs in the first place.

Crustmasiscoming · 07/12/2020 02:08

It's really difficult to say for certain. Just entry and drinks in strip clubs can be very expensive, depending on the type of club, and some wouldn't offer any "extra" services anyway, and many that do would expect cash payment... it's all very variable. I think whatever happened in there is really between him, his mates and the club. I know that's so frustrating as you want to know, but unless he's prepared to volunteer information it's very difficult to guess.

I would be pissed off regardless because he's spent £400 that you don't have. That's a lot of money to piss away on a night out, and the fact that it was in a strip club just rubs salt into the wound.

Sorry OP :(

Chocaholic9 · 07/12/2020 02:12

I couldn't be with someone who has done that. I don't blame you for not wanting to be in the same bed as him. Really grim.

user686833 · 07/12/2020 02:13

Why did he get cash out though? Not just pay on card? I'd assume drugs/prostitutes with that much cash, not strip club.

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/12/2020 02:13

Lap dances are cheating in my relationship. You make your own decisions.

And cocaine. ExDH did it and I'm not doing that with DH. Again, your decision.

Also, do you get to spunk 400 quid up the wall while he looks after the kids all weekend?

Anordinarymum · 07/12/2020 02:14

If he got cash out it would be to pay for the dances/services/whatever.

Heyahun · 07/12/2020 02:19

I’d be Really bloody pissed off about the money (what a bloody waste)

I’d doubt there’s anything too sinister about it though - I’ve been to a strip club once in my life for a male friends stag - everything’s expensive - it’s misleading - they don’t really tell you the price of things - scantly dresses girls do table service and put pressure on you to buy things like bottles of champagne and stuff that could cost over a hundred a bottle - it’s all designed to have you spend spend spend an out of control amount - you’ve no idea what you spent til the end! And the men who are there are stupid enough to be convinced to spend all this money because oh a hot girl in her underwear is talking to me 🙄

So I’d be inclined to believe what he says that nothing happened with any of the girls or anything - he was just an absolute idiot who got roped into spending 400£

Sherin18 · 07/12/2020 02:21

That’d be a dealbreaker for me OP. It’s incredibly disrespectful to you

WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo · 07/12/2020 02:26

I'm pretty easy going but I couldn't forgive this........mainly because of the money wasted just weeks before Christmas. That could have been a holiday with the kids or important bills cleared.

Nope, time to draw that line in the sand and make some big decisions about where your priorities lie because he clearly isn't capable of looking after anyone but himself.

HooverWhenTheCoastIsClear · 07/12/2020 02:32

Grim.
His wife's at home looking after his kids and mighty husband takes himself out for a bender from midday until 2am, lies in bed all day, lies about how much money he's pissed against the wall and expects you to be ok.

Sorry op, I know some people are cool with strippers etc but if.my husband disappeared to go leering at other women in a strip club with family money he'd be out on his ear.
Even £400 just on beers is outrageous.
Do you get that disposable income to go out with your 2/3 married/engaged friends to stare at someone else's penis? Perhaps ask him when your crotch watching night out will be, if it's ok for him.
Are you even allowed lapdances in a pandemic?

Such grubby men.

SurroundedByCats12 · 07/12/2020 03:00

Which club? I didn’t think ANY lap dancing clubs were open...I don’t know any lap dancers who have worked since March. You can’t socially distance in a lap dancing club.

Anyway...£400 easy to spend. Minimum of £100 for 30 minute dance (nude but no touching) and that’s per person. Some clubs charge £200 for 30 min dance. If you are paying for double dance (two women) or a lesbian dance that can double. Individual dances usually start from £20 for three minutes. That’s per dancer or per customer, whichever is most.

Drinks in some clubs are astronomical as can be entry. Depends upon where you are/which club.

Ariesbaby89 · 07/12/2020 03:26

I didn’t even think they’d be open?! He came clean you say? Do the bank statements say which club etc? He sounds absolutely vile. Sounds like he may have even got his friends a dance, you know trying to be the ‘man’. Drinks can be incredibly expensive in them places and so can entry so it could be that. My main problem would be WHY were you there and WHO the fuck do you think you are spending our family’s money on random women that wouldn’t touch him with a bargepole with no money. Get rid

user1481840227 · 07/12/2020 03:32

Do you get that disposable income to go out with your 2/3 married/engaged friends to stare at someone else's penis? Perhaps ask him when your crotch watching night out will be, if it's ok for him.

Personally I don't think male strippers are the equivalent of female strippers if we are looking at it from a tit for tat basis.
Male strippers tend to be comical and just for the laugh...women don't tend to get a sexual thrill from them like the way men do from female strippers.
I would say the equivalent would be if the OP got to go out and grind on a man and flirt with him and give him a lapdance or whatever it was that would give her some kind of sexual thrill.

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