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Original poster

To ask how my “d” h spent £400 in a strip club

1000 replies

porcelaine · 07/12/2020 01:34

Posting for traffic. Please know that I am obviously naive as I have no idea what really happens in strip clubs and I don’t know what they cost, but H has just told me that his night out ended in a strip club in zone 1 and when I checked the balance there were 2 atm withdrawals for £200 apiece. So he’s spent £400 (we do not have) in a fucking strip club.
Can anyone enlighten me as to what this might buy as he claims it was just ladies dancing on tables in their lingerie which sounds pretty fucking suspect to me. £400.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
11
newbie222 · 07/12/2020 06:18

My friends an ex stripper.

It would be for a personal lap dance which means full naked dance of girls. No touching. The girls pretend to be fully interested in order to get as much money as possible. For that money it probably would have been for 2 girls to do two dances twice.

I wouldn’t worry. Men love looking at naked dancing girls. Those girls do not give a toss about him. I would be fuming about him spending money on that shit. Those girls know how to stroke a mans ego to get the money out of them.

Lollyneenah · 07/12/2020 06:24

Are they even open? I'd be thinking brothel tbh. Horrible man.

MrsWarleggan · 07/12/2020 06:31

My DH (then DP) went to Spearmint Rhino a few years back. I went mental. He hasn't been to one since. Whilst he didn't spend £400, I have asked him if it's possible to spend that much without having 30 minute one on one dances and he said absolutely. There's the entrance fee and he said the drinks were astronomical. There were 5 of them that went and 1 round was just under £100 and that was a few years ago. It was the first and last time he has ever been to one. I made my feelings PERFECTLY clear!!

HotelliFinlandia · 07/12/2020 06:31

@newbie222

My friends an ex stripper.

It would be for a personal lap dance which means full naked dance of girls. No touching. The girls pretend to be fully interested in order to get as much money as possible. For that money it probably would have been for 2 girls to do two dances twice.

I wouldn’t worry. Men love looking at naked dancing girls. Those girls do not give a toss about him. I would be fuming about him spending money on that shit. Those girls know how to stroke a mans ego to get the money out of them.

But surely if the total spent was £400, then he'd have got less than that anyway? Entry and drinks would take a large chunk of the £400, wouldn't it?

Skyshale · 07/12/2020 06:32

OP I'm not sure why some people have twisted this into a post about drugs - obviously I don't know your husband but the money pretty much 100% did not go on drugs. If it did, well that's a whole new thread on its own.

The money more than likely was doled out on private dances. I know this isn't great but I would be more pissed off at him spending 400 quid this close to Christmas than what the money actually went on.

You need to either acknowledge that your husband did indeed pay for private dances and move on, or up sticks with the kids and leave. You cannot sit and let this swirl around your head. You cannot change what your husband did - sadly the damage has been done. But do you really want to break up your family or lose trust in him because he paid some woman to dance for him?

Try not to jump to the conclusion that he paid for any "extras". Private dances are very expensive and (trust me) the likelihood of it ending in a "happy ending" is very very low, due to the security in these places. Please try and get that idea out of your head or you'll drive yourself crazy.

Whatever you decide, good luck.

Divebar · 07/12/2020 06:32

Well drunken decision making is often not the best. What is he like ordinarily? Do you have any other concerns or is this a one off?

CeeceeBloomingdale · 07/12/2020 06:33

So two withdrawals - would mean leaving the club and getting more cash out then paying to re-enter? Why not just pay by card? I'd be livid about the money before I even started thinking of what it was spent one and how I'd feel about that.

Peppafrig · 07/12/2020 06:34

I could just about handle going to a strip club for a stag . Even thought that is still really grim and desperate. But just a night out just because . No just no.

strangertimes · 07/12/2020 06:37

He’s paid for private dances. Obviously. I’d dump for this. There are other ways to let your hair down than blowing £400 in a strip club

MrTiddles · 07/12/2020 06:39

I had a few reluctant trips to strip clubs / casino when I was in twenties. Its not that easy not to go in when everyone else is (can't expect him to stand outside like a lemon).

Firstly... he told you. That means he trusts you not to chew his head off. If you do, he just won't tell you again. Secondly, unless he like bottle of dom perignon, he almost certainly had 4 to 5 lap dances. This is unacceptable.

My missus and I had a few rules. 1... I'm allowed to go into the club. 2... No private lap dances allowed. I would just sit there with another mate in similar situation and drink beers.

Suggest unless you want him to leave or hide it in future or you want to leave him... just put in some ground rules.

Mamanyt · 07/12/2020 06:43

Either he has absolutely no self-control whatsoever and was shoving tenners in dancer's g-strings left, right and center, or he bought lap-dances (yes, they are exactly what they sound like, and the dancer grindes her bottom in the customer's lap for the duration of the song) at those premium prices, or he paid for services above and beyond.

He admits to a lap dance, and given the financial scenario, I think your worst fears are probably right. Can your marriage survive this? Yep. With professional help, and if both of you want it to. But you do have some hard thinking to do.

Peppafrig · 07/12/2020 06:45

Are you ok OP?

pilates · 07/12/2020 06:52

Private dances and drink I’m sure wouldn’t take long to rack up £400. What the hell is he doing going out with what’s going on atm? I despair.

WokesFromHome · 07/12/2020 06:57

He probably got drunk and they went in for a laugh and ended up being fleeced. Unless he's got form for other stuff I'd be pissed off but not LTB as some suggest above. Maybe that's because I've been in a strip club myself Blush

I'd give him hell and say next time he does it he's out on his arse because of the money. Then I'd take back his Christmas presents and sell his shit equivalent to £400.

AlexaPlayWhiteNoise · 07/12/2020 06:59

@tectonicplates

Apparently this sort of thing happens quite a lot. There are clubs that are deliberately misleading about how much things cost, even the drinks, and you don't realise unto the next day. They get away with it because most people would be too embarrassed to query it. I imagine most people would be too embarrassed to report it to their credit card company either, and so it continues. It's happened to a couple of men I knew when I was younger, and it's deliberately designed to charge you lots of money without you realising. The only real way to avoid this is to just not go to the clubs in the first place.
They're not. Most clubs are incredibly clear about the cost precisely because if they're not then the customer can challenge the bill. Clubs don't want this. So there are drinks menu's and dance prices displayed. It can quite often be a license requirement.

He genuinely could have spent £400 on drinks. Beer is usually cheap but a bottle of vodka with mixers can be £150. Dances usually start at £20 but if you add club fees on then 4 single lap dances at £20 on a card could easily cost £100. VIP dances (so basically just longer dances) can be £100+. Or buying time, £400 would be an hour or a dancers time.

Peppafrig · 07/12/2020 07:10

I guess his age would matter to me in this too. A teenager or someone in their early twenties maybe I would forgive . In fact no I couldn’t I could forgive going in and getting a few pints . But spending £400 on other woman a few weeks before Christmas . Money that you say you don’t have unforgivable. Never mind the risk of bring covid home .

Shouldbeworkingnotreadingtalk · 07/12/2020 07:14

I'm going to support your hubbie a but here - its absolutely rife how the clubs rip you off. . . He has 99.9% has fallen for their high price "drinks" ... there is no way in a million years that the girls do anything more than dance with the blokes. They don't need to - they earn the most amount of money selling high price drinks and a bowl of olives. Please believe him and don't let it ruin your relationship. He is a total twat for going / falling for it, but that aside, he most likely telling the truth.

www.thesun.co.uk/news/10766356/strippers-fleeced-punter-held-hostage-claims/

dayswithaY · 07/12/2020 07:17

My former boss used to end up in these places quite a lot, usually at the suggestion of a client he wanted to please. It's very easy to spend £400, the drinks are stupidly overpriced and you have to pay to get in.

What did jump out from your post was that he told you about where he'd been and the money. If you want to know exactly what went on, ask him - he owes you that. It's really not worth ending the marriage over, and I'm a million miles away from being a Cool Wife. Talk to him, tell him how upset you are.

Shoxfordian · 07/12/2020 07:20

I wouldn't be remotely impressed either op
Is this the first time he's done this?

Bluntness100 · 07/12/2020 07:21

Some hysteria on here

I also don’t understand how a strip club was open, so that’s kinda weird,,,,,

However it’s very easy to do, I worked with a guy who used to go to them a lot. The drinks are really over priced, so a couple of rounds would do it. They also drink with the girls, it keeps them spending on booze. The women sit at their table and make out they are interested and having fun and the men buy drinks all night.

Elai1978 · 07/12/2020 07:22

I’ve seen a friend spend £700 on private dances on one evening in a small local strip club so it’s fairly easy to do.

Seatime · 07/12/2020 07:24

Strip clubs are a part of the sex industry. Prostitution is paid rape. None of the women want to be there.

rwalker · 07/12/2020 07:29

Honestly not going into the rights and wrong of it but TBH in a zone 1 strip club a pissed guy would get VERY little for £400.
Entrance , few drinks and possibly waitress shaking her stuff at the table .
They are absolutley notorious for ripping guys off . In theses professional setups they are purely there to milk money out of guys and give noting away,
No different to the chippendales except men part with there money better than women .

AlexaPlayWhiteNoise · 07/12/2020 07:31

@Seatime

Strip clubs are a part of the sex industry. Prostitution is paid rape. None of the women want to be there.
Stripping is not sex. It isn't prostitution. Women who are trafficked or forced aren't in strip clubs, they are in brothels. Obviously that isn't ok, but they are not the same.

They might complain but they strippers want to be there. That's their job. They choose to work.

OP I'm sorry you find yourself in this position. I didn't think strip clubs were open in the UK at the moment, even in tier 1. Flowers

MsSquiz · 07/12/2020 07:31

Drinks are very expensive in a strip club, and depending on the club, private dances can be around £50 per person (dancer or viewer)

IME of strip clubs, the girls are paid in cash, not card. So that is probably why he took out cash from a machine.

As for spending money you don't have - that would be a deal breaker for me. No one in your household is in the position to be spending that much money on a selfish, frivolous purchase and that's not on

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