To ask how my “d” h spent £400 in a strip club

[porcelaine]

Posting for traffic. Please know that I am obviously naive as I have no idea what really happens in strip clubs and I don’t know what they cost, but H has just told me that his night out ended in a strip club in zone 1 and when I checked the balance there were 2 atm withdrawals for £200 apiece. So he’s spent £400 (we do not have) in a fucking strip club.
Can anyone enlighten me as to what this might buy as he claims it was just ladies dancing on tables in their lingerie which sounds pretty fucking suspect to me. £400.

• OP must have a clue not just a clue I dont expect you to say on here obviously

I used to go to a strip club in zone 1 quite regularly - it was next door to where I worked and I was friendly with the dancers, so used to pop in and hang out if I worked late.

It was “contributions” in a pint glass in the main room and short private dances £25.

If he’s spent £400 he’s smashed it on coke. I’d absolutely guarantee it.

Wow op. Read your update. He has really hammered the nail into the coffin.

It’s not cheap. My DH went to a place on a stag do and ended up giving this girl €50 to leave him alone

I’m not sure this is a a serious post. I mean seriously no one would actually believe any man gives the women working in these clubs money to leave them alone, everyone knows why money changes hands? Right?

Well, so much for him giving the marriage another go. It's clear what his attitude to his wife and children is. Plus why are you the one sleeping with your child? Why is he still in the marital bed??

I'm sure there are a lot of women in the Cool Girls Squad that wouldn't have a problem at all, but to be honest I wouldn't be tolerant of my DP going to a strip club for any reason. I would feel insecure, my DP would know that, so to go ahead anyway would be pure disrespectful. How you respond to him completely depends on what your personal boundaries are. What would you be okay with him doing at a strip club and what would be too far? From the way your OP is phrased, it seems you wouldn't trust him to tell you the truth about what he did in there anyway which suggests there are already underlying issues making you incompatible 🤷‍♀️

Actually men can be beyond stupid in these places

I worked with a group of guys who went to one once, one of them who was very sweet said to me the next day, the girls came and joined us and sat for ages, they just really liked our company and spending time with us, we had a great laugh,

Thy spent an absolute fortune buying them drinks all night, and when I responded don’t be so stupid it’s their job, they sit with you and get you to buy them drinks as a cash earner he looked geneuinly shocked..

He actually thought in his head the reason the women were sitting at their table and talking to them was because they liked their company.

Absolute idiots, the club makes a fortune from the drinks and they don’t drink beer either, they are buying bottles of champagne.

Yeeeesh. Total dealbreaker for me OP. So sorry you're going through this. What a total arse.

A fool and his family money.

Former stripper from some 35 years ago. It isn't prostitution.
None of us ever wanted your paunchy middle aged married man with a wife and 3 kids.

My main job was to dress up pretty, smile, be pleasant and listen.
Private rooms were 1 or 2 dances and then listen to their problems the rest of the time.

That's how I made the big bucks.

It doesn't really matter what he spent it on. He went to the club with his friends and they like to big themselves up being flash buying drinks and tipping the girls. He chose to go there.

So at work I am aware lots of the guys I work with would use lap dancing clubs. It would be easy to get through 400 quid that is around six/seven lap dances or three with lots of drinks, or one where the dancer provided something extra, i.e. oral or vaginal sex. This is not okay by any means and it is deeply disrespectful. You should not be okay with this. Even if he has only had lap dances this is him getting as close as possible without touching to a naked gyrating girl, looking to get him aroused, and possibly paying for sex. IME, men lie about how far they have gone in these clubs, and I would be very sceptical if he says I was only watching a stripper. He would not get through 400 doing this.

What he did or didn't do/buy would be immaterial to me.

The money spent on a night out would be enough.

That & the claim of having to go there to drink as bars were closed.

Call it a night then!

So if they had a vip table, at 50 an hour, it’s likely a group of females st with them, ans they bought them drinks, it’s how you pay for the company, and the champagne is extortionate, a 15 quid bottle sells for like a hundred, then you pay for the dances on top, any food you have, any tips they give, four hundred is getting away lightly.

I’d assume they were having a great time larging it up to be honest, feeling like big men.

Brain wave, that’s not right, in the good clubs there is a no touching policy and the dancers are not shagging the clients.

"we have had a bad year, we separated over summer and I said I’d give it another go in September, so it’s not taken him long to go and do something like this."

Time to make the separation permanent, then.
You know what to do.

@Brainwave89 you can easily spend well over £400 just by watching dances. Very very few clubs offer extras these days as they are so highly regulated by councils.

@porcelaine no matter what he’s spent the money on, it’s disrespectful and unacceptable. I only mentioned about most clubs being shut as there is a high chance he’s lying.

There’s lots of sweeping statements on here, generalisations and down right untruths. Many posters have based their views on what they have been told happens, or what happened the odd time they went to one.

It should be fairly easy to find out what club he went to and if it’s open/what the prices are.

So sorry OP.
Very grim.

What a selfish pig.

Taking money from his children for lap dances.

What decent parent spends that sort of money on a night out.

@RantyAnty I agree that it silly to equate being a stripper to being a prostitute. I think some people are suggesting that the "visiting a strup club" thing could have been a ruse to cover up the fact he actually saw a prostitute. Which is a lie men tell. But while it might not matter to you what he spent it on you must see why it would matter to his wife. Similarly, even though it really shouldnt be the concern of the strippers if the men paying them can afford it or are doing it with family money it absolutely should be of concern to the man! I don't think anyone thinks the strippers are actually interested or that there is a danger he will run of with them. It isnt jealousy of a pretty woman. Its anger at a shitty man.

I would be f fuming. Some men are vile pigs.

I’m so sorry op. I’m sure you’re far from ok right now.

I know it’s easy to just say ltb when it’s not your situation but I can 100% say that if my dp visited a strip club regardless of what he did in there or what he spent it would be game over.
I couldn’t stay with someone who disrespected me in that way. No amount of apologising or discussion would change it. It would be an instant get the hell out of my life scenario.

If you decide to leave him, it’ll be one of toughest decisions you’ll ever make, but you’ll be fine. You’ll be better than fine. And just remember it’s completely his fault that you walked away. It’s completely his fault that the family will be broken up, don’t ever allow him to tell you otherwise.
I really hope you’re ok sweetheart.

The stripclub thing is tacky but would be less of a concern to me than than the seeming lack of equality in your relationship.

He spent 400 quid on an overnight bender while you were working the whole time. When is your holiday + shopping spree? As a man I don’t understand how anyone can put up with this sort of thing!

What a twat.
I'm so sorry xx

@yetanothernamitynamechange
That's the important part. Men lie so much.
They could have went to prostitutes and lied saying it was a strip club as they may not have wanted to admit paying for sex.

It's 100% the man's responsibility not to be a fool. Sadly, far too many of them are.

There were a few elderly widowers I became friends with. 2 were admitted to old age homes and I'd go visit and bring books or watch sport with them as their family didn't come visit. I went to their funerals after they passed. Tearing up thinking about it after all these years now that I'm an old bag.

I'm the opposite of "cool wife" and would be seriously fucked off at the utter waste of money and stupidity of going to one of these bloody money pits BUT

Someone with something to hide does not admit to being in a strip club at all. They say they were drunk and their card got nicked etc.

As pps have said £400 in central london buys you fuck all. Men are pack animals, it only takes one loud tossser insisting on a strip club and basically none can say no without a complete loss of face.

The only suspicious thing in my mind is paying cash but again, on the night a few drinks in friends may have suggested a strip club and all gone along to get cash and again, it's difficult not to join in.

A male friend of mine once told me that he hated stag dos with another mutual friend because mutual friend was "that guy" who was the one who always suggested strip clubs, no one else wanted to go but on a stag you cant shoot the suggestion down. He said they are depressing expensive places to drink & are full of losers.

I would get the name of the club from him and call them and ask what time they close. Then you’ll know whether it’s possible he’s being truthful about where he was. Unfortunately you’re not going to be able to get the truth about what he spent the money on. It’s just not possible. So we can all speculate all we want. It won’t take you any further forward.

Give your last update, I personally wouldn’t want to be with him anymore. Pulling this kind of stunt when you’re supposed to be trying to work things out. It isn’t on. If the relationship was otherwise solid and good, it might be a different matter but he is totally disrespecting you and I couldn’t forgive that. Sorry you’re going through this OP.

Yep Ive heard some hilarious comments from men, how they got the strippers to try meet them after closing because they thought they were in love and stuff. Morons.