To ask how my “d” h spent £400 in a strip club

[porcelaine]

Posting for traffic. Please know that I am obviously naive as I have no idea what really happens in strip clubs and I don’t know what they cost, but H has just told me that his night out ended in a strip club in zone 1 and when I checked the balance there were 2 atm withdrawals for £200 apiece. So he’s spent £400 (we do not have) in a fucking strip club.
Can anyone enlighten me as to what this might buy as he claims it was just ladies dancing on tables in their lingerie which sounds pretty fucking suspect to me. £400.

Why are you bothering debating with him whether it was one dance or two, whether it was dancing, or alcohol or whatever.... The point was he went out and spent £400 that you say you cannot afford .... what an irresponsible twit.

Why are you married to this dimwit, child of a man?

@porcelaine . What he spent is the side issue. It's the fact he was in there!!

Just found this...

London is tier 2, and strip clubs etc are closed in Tier 2.

Are you SURE that's where he went?!

But if he was just buying drinks, why wouldn’t he put those on a card. The fact he’s gone and got cash out twice suggests to me that he was paying for private dances. I wonder if you’re in for another shock when his credit card bill arrives

The fact he’s spent (at least) £400 of family money that you can’t afford just before Christmas is appalling, let alone the fact he’s spent it ogling and exploiting other women.

Does he get the seriousness of it?

£80 per dance in the one I went to, plus £50 entrance and drinks.

OP I don’t think that strip clubs are open in T2. It was either an “underground” setup (in which case sex was probably on offer as well) or it was a brothel. Your husband knew you’d notice the spent money so he got in there first with a fallacious explanation. I don’t want to scare you but I think you need to ask some serious questions about that evening, and insist he gets an STI test (if you want to continue having sex with him).

Greenclock - exactly what I was thinking. That or drugs.

I definitely don’t think he was at a strip club.

You need to ask further questions, because he is lying to you big time.

Ok, that link about tier 2 strip clubs not being open. He is adamant this is where he went and now I am HUGELY confused. Did someone on here say a club near them was open atm? (Liverpool Street)? It did seem unlikely to me that they’d be open in covid but why would he come out and lie about this?
He’s in his early 30s, to the person who asked. Not a kid, not on a stag do.
It’s the absolutely disgusting waste of money and the fact I didn’t think he would disrespect me and our marriage like this when he knows it’s a bottom line for me.
I’ve hardly slept at all. Tbh not to drip feed but we have had a bad year, we separated over summer and I said I’d give it another go in September, so it’s not taken him long to go and do something like this. The entitlement of it.

Hi OP the clubs are open, just google Browns Liverpool Street and you can see that they are definitely open and serving food and drinks and dances. If you are already having problems sit down and have a real honest talk about what you both want. Sorry this is happening to you and best wishes.

Holy shit from your update it's not great. You're already on the rocks, attempting to make a go of it and he does this? He is not interested in this relationship or treating you (or women as a class) with any modicum of respect.

Personally we can afford the £400 and if my DH spent that on a night out I wouldn't notice or care, but not at a strip club. Absolutely not. Its a sign of the sleazy creep he is, who thinks women's bodies can be purchased for his titillation. Yuck.

Apparently this sort of thing happens quite a lot

No it fucking doesn't. My husband has never accidentally spent £400 at a a strip club.

What utter bollocks.

OP, hour husband sounds like an absolute wanker. You deserve better. Being on your own would be better than being with this disrespectful arsehole.

Every one has different things they will accept, the fact that you're supposed to be working on the relationship does show much respect, I couldn't get over the amount so close to Xmas spending family money you say you can't afford. So the kids can go without some presents, or bills won't get paid but it's ok as he got his rocks off.

It seems they are NOT serving dances if they’re open. For example, look at this. An example of a strip club open in tier 2. As it says right on their page, they’re closing at 10 and they’re not doing any nudity right now: nagsheadgentlemensvenue.com/best-gentlemens-club-liverpool-street/ (this is near Liverpool St in Aldgate).

I think there really are two options:

1. The money went on expensive booze and cocaine.
2. The money went on a full-scale prostitute.

You may never know the truth and honestly, it sounds like a man who spends £400 you don’t have on any of this right before Christmas when you have three children under 10, isn’t that invested in being the kind of man you deserve to be married to.

@Helpmylecreuset

So much middle class horror on this thread, and actually tbh on pretty much any thread on MN.

... Stay at Home... all sex workers are trafficked.., do I pay my cleaner during lockdown?

I think OP just wanted to know if her H had maybe paid for sex, or if £400 could be realistically spent in a strip club.

For those of you clutching your pearls, you’ve obviously not worked in the sex industry or been close friends with anyone that has.

"... Stay at Home... all sex workers are trafficked.., do I pay my cleaner during lockdown?"

How the actual fuck are thoe three things linked???

As an aside, strippers/lap dancers are probably less likely to be traficked/coerced than prostitutes but its entirely believable, if you are referencing another posters anecdote, that some are. Also its not "middle class" to be annoyed at your husband visiting a strip club. I'm not middle class and would be furious (and not just because 400 is an obscene amount to fritter away just before christmas).

Hi OP yes it’s Browns that I live by in Liverpool ST (Zone 1) and there was a massive sign across their frontage saying they are open and that the “girls have missed you” vom.

I think it is feasible that he spent this kind of money without anything really unsavoury having taken place. These places are ludicrously expensive.

But do you really honestly want to be with someone who can a) go to a strip club at all and b) piss away this much money when his wife is at home with small kids? I have to sat I just couldn't remain in a relationship with anyone who goes to strip clubs at all. It's an absolute red line for me.

How is it hysteria or middle class to say you wouldn’t personally put up with that behaviour?

@Iremembertheelderlykoreanlady

They opened on Thursday for VIP tables if this is where he went OP that might be why it was so expensive?. I think they are opening as a venue that is serving a “substantial meal” I.e a sausage roll and closing at 11pm like any other venue.

OP, I'm so sorry.
He's clearly not making any effort, despite your separation. I think you'd be better off without him.
What exactly does he think justifies spending money you can't afford on something like this?

@BloggersBlog

My DH went to a place on a stag do and ended up giving this girl €50 to leave him alone

ummmm... Pull the other one

Lol that’s what I thought but didn’t want to say. What a line!

I know someone who spent £500 this way. It was spent of ludicrously over priced drinks, a couple of private dancers, but he thinks his drinks were spiked and has little recollection over how he spent all the money, again we made a couple of cash point withdrawals. Apparently it’s not uncommon. He said he definitely felt more than drunk.

@CoffeeCreamandSugar

How is it hysteria or middle class to say you wouldn’t personally put up with that behaviour?

Because us salt of the earth working class types are more in touch with t' seasons and understand in our primal womanly way that theres n'owt wrong with t'hubby going down t'owd strip club. Tis just mens way t' want t' look at t'boobies

I think it is feasible that he spent this kind of money without anything really unsavoury having taken place.

Well, I very much doubt he's shagged a stripper for £400 because they can usually fleece a lot more from idiots without actual sex. That said, given they will have been having a very lean year anything is possible.

Still I think whatever he paid £400 (presumably more because he didn't go with no money) for is unsavoury. Given it's two chunks of £200 I would assume it's 2 VIP private dances. Full nudity, grinding, vulva waved in face.

The club's claim that they aren't doing that seems unlikely- who goes to a strip joint to enjoy a lovely meal?

I think they are opening as a venue that is serving a “substantial meal” I.e a sausage roll

For £200 it should certainly include a sausage roll.

Looking at Brown's website the VIP stuff is £50 an hour. Drinks are £5 a beer unless he was drinking champagne.

My guess is drugs or he wasn't at a strip club, he was somewhere else like a brothel and admitted to being at a strip club because it makes him look honest and doesn't seem 'as bad'.

That strip club clubs at 11, what time was he home?