To make DD continue her hobby

[WutheredOut]

DD has been attending theatre school every weekend for the past couple of years. Every week she comes out telling us what she has done and showing us the dances etc
However on the flip side, every single week without fail it is a massive issue getting her to get dressed to go and all week long she says she hates it.

There are elements of it that we know she doesn’t enjoy but on the whole the singing, dancing and acting Is right up her street.

After this mornings sour face and following battle I am tempted to let her pack it in. The problem is she has no other hobbies and any attempt to suggest other alternatives, music lessons, dance lessons etc are met with a scowl (in general she is actually lovely!)

She said she would rather stay home and do housework

YABU to make her continue - let her give up!
YANBU to make her continue she will benefit in the long run!

YABU.

id suggest she can quit as long as she tries something else instead

How old is she? To be honest I don’t entirely understand the push for children to have to do some extra curricular activity. I was given various opportunities as a child and tried them but never enjoyed anything enough to continue with it and i would have resented being forced to. I consider myself a well rounded adult and it’s not been a negative in my life.

How would you ‘make’ her continue?

If she's not enjoying it - and it seems she isn't despite showing off afterwards - why force it? She should be really keen and be asking to do more, not putting up a fuss and moaning about it all week. You can't force a hobby on a kid, it should be driven by them.

Obviously not her hobby, is it? Lol.

Is this her hobby, or your required hobby?

To me a hobby is something you do of your own free will.

Theatre School is really taxing, mine could not cope with it. If she's enthusiastic about the dance classes then maybe a relaxed dance class for an hour a week, or its just not her thing.

Why would you force her to do something (unnecessary) that she hated? I really don't get that mentality at all.

If she doesn't like it find another hobby - learning an instrument or martial arts?
DN is made to go to theatre group for 2 hours each Saturday. She begs her Dad on access days not to have to go, but if he didn't send her he would suffer the wrath from ex and her mother, who both love theatre and musicals in particular. The mum is trying to relive her childhood through her daughter.

I never understand why parents make their children continue with ‘hobbies’ that they dislike . Ask her what she would like to do instead. How old is she ?

Why does she need to have extracurricular structured activities? What are you trying to achieve?

If you've paid in advance then she needs to go for those sessions. She can always pick it up again if she misses it.
Swimming is the only extra curricular that I insisted on.

A hobby is something somebody does for pleasure and relaxation, btw, so this isn't a hobby really, is it?

Hmm this was me as a kid, I always absolutely dreaded things like clubs and social stuff. It's anxiety. Things were most often fine when I got there! I'm just starting to unpick my anxiety now aged 31 so I don't have much advice if that is in fact the problem with your DD.

I don't think kids/teens (how old??) have the emotional awareness or experience to put their finger on WHY they don't want to do something, hence the scowls and tantrums. I was vile to my mum!

I dont get this. Whay are you making her go to soemthing she hates? Makes no sense at all.

Mine had a wobble about returning ti her activity after covid. But after 1 session loved it again. If it has been a sustained thing we wouldnt have continued.

Shes telling you consistently she doesnt want to go why on earth are you making her!?

Please don’t force her she’ll end up hating weekends and you.

Don’t be controlling. Let her decide what she wants to do. You’ll make her hate it and feel resentful towards you.
Try and relax.

Im amazed that 4 people dont think this is unreasonable.

All week she hates it and on the morning she doesnt want to go. How is this even a question!?

YABU
It’s not her hobby if you’re forcing her to go. It’s your hobby.
I noticed too all the hobby suggestions you listed are stereotypical “girl” hobbies. Be careful that you aren’t forcing her to be more feminine than she is. Have you ever proposed other less feminine hobbies like martial arts? STEM or Robotics club? Rock climbing? Camping? Fishing?

Please don’t force her to go if she doesn’t want to. My mum forced my brother and I to go to theatre school and youth groups every weekend that we really hated. It spoiled each weekend and I just remember crying so much before going.

Find something that she’s keep to go to, and then there will be less issue in getting her to go!

No point in forcing it. My daughter loved rainbows and brownies but hated guides after a while so gave it up. No big issue.
One of my daughter's does kickboxing and I tried to encourage her sister to do it. She always said no. As soon as I stopped mentioning it she decided to try it.
Perhaps just let her give up and have a few weeks off. She might decide to try something else if there's no pressure.

@PlanDeRaccordement

YABU It’s not her hobby if you’re forcing her to go. It’s your hobby. I noticed too all the hobby suggestions you listed are stereotypical “girl” hobbies. Be careful that you aren’t forcing her to be more feminine than she is. Have you ever proposed other less feminine hobbies like martial arts? STEM or Robotics club? Rock climbing? Camping? Fishing?

This.

There’s a world of options out there and finding your passion can be a lifelong journey or something you just ‘know’. Let her discover for herself where her passion lies.

It's not her hobby. It's your vicarious hobby.

Just let her stop.