Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

To make DD continue her hobby

147 replies

WutheredOut · 05/12/2020 14:47

DD has been attending theatre school every weekend for the past couple of years. Every week she comes out telling us what she has done and showing us the dances etc
However on the flip side, every single week without fail it is a massive issue getting her to get dressed to go and all week long she says she hates it.

There are elements of it that we know she doesn’t enjoy but on the whole the singing, dancing and acting Is right up her street.

After this mornings sour face and following battle I am tempted to let her pack it in. The problem is she has no other hobbies and any attempt to suggest other alternatives, music lessons, dance lessons etc are met with a scowl (in general she is actually lovely!)

She said she would rather stay home and do housework

YABU to make her continue - let her give up!
YANBU to make her continue she will benefit in the long run!

OP posts:

BreakfastOfWaffles · 05/12/2020 16:22

I would see if you could find a couple of alternative suggestions and ask if she would prefer one of them. I agree with you that a couple of extra curricular activities are a good thing, both for life balance and future prospects, so it would be good to find something else instead.

RedskyAtnight · 05/12/2020 16:22

Children need to learn to get up and out and not flake around in pyjamas all day.

You would hate our household. We none of us get up and out at a weekend and pyjamas are quite often worn for a good part of the day! Why, exactly is this something that children need to learn?

stovetopespresso · 05/12/2020 16:22

we had this with my dd who is 12.
The other 2 still do the hobby which was great for us all to enjoy and be nvolved with as a family, but she suddenly said that was it, no more. we respected her wishes but it was sad. luckily she still has one last hobby clinging on there...its the age op unfortunately

TwentyViginti · 05/12/2020 16:22

@katy1213

It's not her hobby. It's your vicarious hobby.

This.

ilhahih · 05/12/2020 16:25

I think she should continue for the number of classes you have paid for. If you have to give notice do that and she goes until the end of the notice period.

She tells you every week that she doesn't want to go and now she says she'd rather stay at home and do housework !!!! than go. That's a very strong message from her.

She could do something else instead but only if she really wants to. I'd suggest though that she does something constructive with the time saved - ie. she doesn't stop theatre school so that she can spend all day every Saturday on her phone. It doesn't have to be a class of some description but could be art/crafts, a couple of hours on Saturday morning doing the housework she claims she'd rather do, gardening, time to reinforce any school work issues, going out for a walk with you. She can think of something but it shouldn't be lying around doing absolutely nothing.

HallieKnight · 05/12/2020 16:25

Maybe try a different theatre school but she doesn't want to go don't force it

eddiemairswife · 05/12/2020 16:25

Why do so many people think their children must do outside activities? They are at school all week; doubtless have homework to do. Surely they need time to themselves to do what they want to do.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 05/12/2020 16:32

Its a hobby, if she's not having fun whats the point.
My kids don't have any hobbies. They've taken up a couple football(one stuck that for a few years), taekwondo, but haven't stuck them.
I had loads as a child, brownies, ballet, Highland dancing, played saxophone, modern dance. Gave them all up. We are just not that way inclined, it hasn't made me any less confident, and I'm glad my mum let me pick jt in when I wanted to. I would have really resented being made to go to something that's not mandatory.
DP however, has been playing football since he was 4 and dedicated a lot of his life to it.

RedskyAtnight · 05/12/2020 16:32

@eddiemairswife

Why do so many people think their children must do outside activities? They are at school all week; doubtless have homework to do. Surely they need time to themselves to do what they want to do.

It was interesting during lockdown (the first one) how many parents were saying that they were really enjoying that their children's activities were cancelled and that their life could be more relaxed; they could spend more time as a family; and their children could enjoy just doing stuff at home. I did wonder at the time how many would choose to do things differently once activities restarted.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 05/12/2020 16:34

@eddiemairswife

Why do so many people think their children must do outside activities? They are at school all week; doubtless have homework to do. Surely they need time to themselves to do what they want to do.

I always wonder this too. I have friends who pack their kids weeks and weekends full of classes and activities and the kids are just worn out. Rushing around to get dinners, travelling all the time. Must be so boring and annoying if you don't actually enjoy the activity.

baubling · 05/12/2020 16:37

How old is she?

ludothedog · 05/12/2020 16:40

Rule here is that you finish the term that has been paid for. Normally by then DD is back on track. However it sounds like your DD has been looking to stop for some time. Does she have a friend to go with? That often helps I've found that when friends start drooling out that's when the activities stop.

MoltenLasagne · 05/12/2020 16:40

Can you find a week day evening class she could try? Personally I think even if you really love something, some weekends you just need time to unwind and be, kids and grown ups alike! If she's spending all week dreading the weekend that doesn't sound like a great dynamic.

KarmaNoMore · 05/12/2020 16:42

I can assure you they do not die if they don’t have any classes for a while, especially at this time of Covid.

Maireas · 05/12/2020 16:44

Do you know what's good for children? Having periods of unstructured free time. They learn to find activities and do different stuff on their own. She'd rather do housework? Let her quit.

VividImagination · 05/12/2020 16:47

Ds3 has just given up cello despite being incredibly talented at it. I’m gutted. Really gutted. All those years of sitting in the car outside lessons, travelling in all weathers for concerts and orchestras, eating packed dinners and flasks of coffee, lesson fees, equipment etc, time wasted. Gutted. .......but, it’s his life, not mine. His choice and, no matter how I feel I’ve done my bit and he gets to choose.

Let her give it up and do her own thing.

Ds is still in his pyjamas!

Sally872 · 05/12/2020 16:48

I would tell her to think about it until the end of the block then she can quit if she wants, but must pick up something else.

I think a social life away from school is very important and helpful when avoiding peer pressure, was for me anyway.

mummytippy · 05/12/2020 16:49

Have you pointed out she may regret it as she's been going for so long/

My DS has had piano lessons on and off from the age of 4... he's now 14.
He also used to play tennis, swim and play rugby.
Piano is the only thing he does now as I stressed it'll help him become a babe magnet once older. He's now doing GCSE music and is set to get a A.
I'd put up with the moans and groans .

MrsMiaWallis · 05/12/2020 16:50

She absolutely doesn't want to do it. I say that as a mum of 4. The ones who love and look forward to a hobby or club are the ones who want to do it!

ChnandlerBong · 05/12/2020 16:51

some very tough replies on this one OP?

I was going to come on and say that ds had wanted to give up karate a couple of years in and dd wanted to stop playing the flute when she wetnt to secondary school.

My only input was to ask them to give it another go - with no strings attached and in both cases they have gone on to thrive at these things and really gain huge personal satisfaction from them.

However - if you've already got to a high level if whinging and complaining before each lesson then it sounds like it may already be the end of this particular journey.

I'd let her give up and just see where this journey takes her next?

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 05/12/2020 16:53

@CherryPavlova

I'd encourage her to continue. Its good for all sorts of reasons and if she comes out happy its more likely the effort of getting up and out she dislikes not the theatre school. Children need to learn to get up and out and not flake around in pyjamas all day.

Why? Sometimes kids just need to rest and do something they want to.

HeadNorth · 05/12/2020 16:54

I still remember my mum pushing me to keep doing gymnastics when I was so over it. Utterly pointless - why make her do something she doesn't want to do? She already has school and homework, let her be. If you're that keen on theatre school, join an am dram group yourself. I wish I'd had the guts to tell my mum to take up gymnastics if she was so keen on it

mummytippy · 05/12/2020 16:54

@VividImagination

I'd be gutted too. Especially if he's still in his PJs

My DS did cello when young and piano. He quit cello but
he continued with the piano. Nice to have at least one thing...
or string to their bow... pardon the pun.

CabinClose · 05/12/2020 16:55

I’d probably let her stop, but how hard I encouraged her to keep going would depend on a few things. How old is she? Does she get much exercise? If she doesn’t get enough exercise I’d get her to choose a different activity, but insist she does something. It can be shorter and on a different day if that would deal with her issue?

CharitySchmarity · 05/12/2020 16:55

Presumably this class costs money so it seems daft to get her to continue if she doesn't really enjoy it.

I'd sit her down and make it clear that she can give up if she likes, but she won't be allowed to change her mind. Give her a couple of days to think about it and if she's still sure, let her give up.

If she does give up, don't sign her up for any more clubs that cost money and are a big commitment, but try to bring more different activities into her everyday life. Get her some craft stuff and set her a challenge to make something, teach her to cook a few new things, go out for nature walks together, maybe set up a badminton net in the garden. It doesn't have to be the same thing all the time, and maybe the variety will keep her interested.

I have an adult DS who always got bored with commitments to clubs after a while. I think he just didn't enjoy the pressure of having to turn up every week whether he felt like it or not. He has plenty of interests now, but he does them on his own terms and I think he's happier for it.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6