To think cheating with contraception is more common than I used to believe

[Thewithesarehere]

I am now beginning to think it’s more common. Recent threads haven’t helped this suspicion either. I wonder why anyone would do it and in what state of mind. It’s a lifetime commitment as it should be and stopping contraception without telling your partner should really be criminal. How is it consensual sex after all? Looking to hear your thoughts and share your stories of the CF women/men you know who have tried this.

When I was 17 I dated a man who was 27. Boy, did I feel grown up.

We had sex, he removed the condom at some point, and I then had to spend an evening sitting in A&E to get the morning after pill, as this was before you could buy it, and it happened to be the Friday before a bank holiday.

It was so humiliating. I was clearly the slapper, even though it was HIM that removed the condom!

I know of at least one woman who lied about contraception to have another baby; in her case, her 'boyfriend' was ridiculously lax and should have used a condom as it was a very new relationship, and didn't last even up till the birth of their son.

I wouldn’t want and child to come into the world without their father wanting them wholeheartedly. Very sad business. That’s why I’ve stopped at one very wanted child. I’d have had 2 but DH only wants one so that’s that.

Have there been a lot of threads recently where women have said they are going to lie to their partners about contraception in order to get pregnant?

I haven't seen them although don't read all the threads obviously.

A man can walk away without there having to be any evidence on his character, a woman even if she puts the baby up for adoption always has to have her name on the birth certificate.

Most women who want an abortion do so in complete anonymity. When she decides to carry on with the pregnancy, she is usually pitied for being let down by her asshole of partner who won't support her.

You know the worse thing about abortion is that you have to make a decision to kill something that is alive? People finding out is small potatoes in the list of Pros and Cons compared to making that choice.

And women “may” get pitied. More likely judged for her decision, her choice in men or financial situation.

Men who are stuck paying for a child they never wanted, with the constant guilt that although they did nothing wrong, they know they are letting down a human being?

So don’t let them down then.You can change your mind. A termination is final.

Of course men have much less control on the matter than women.

I would say the option to walk away gives men much more control. You’re biology doesn’t hold you back in the same way.

@yetanothernamitynamechange

I have a solution (lighthearted) Men should guard their sexuality carefully. As young boys we should teach them to save themselves for marriage, until they find a woman they really care about. Because (according to some posters on this thread) most women are just itching to take advantage of men, men need to take responsibility for protecting themselves by being chaste, avoiding the advances of predatory women or getting drunk as then said predatory women could take advantage of them. Fathers have a responsibility to instill this in boys, and make sure they are safely locked up at night with a tight curfew. Girls dont need to worry about having their sperm stolen so can have more freedom. Also, if a man is known to have been promiscuous that will out decent women of as they could easily have children already (due to the sneakiness of women) so they will end up alone when they are old. I mean if women are THAT predatory it makes sense right?

I'd be behind that!

Compliance with drug regimes for chronic conditions is a huge issue. Women are hardly unusual in not being totally on the ball all the time. It is typical human behaviour not a sign of these women being particularly flakey or something.

That's why I am saying get another option. Something like implant is something a forgetful person cannot really forget every morning. Especially if the forgetfulness happens couple of times a month.

I think there are a lot of instances where men refuse to use condoms or pressurise a woman into accepting that they won't.

Jesus just wear a condom if you don't want a baby. Or, no sex at all. It's not essential to our existence or a human right. And will guarantee no unwanted parenthood
What a hypocritical post!
I imagine the conversation with your boyfrirnd:

• we've been together for a year now, got checked at the clinic so I think I could go on the pill from now on.
• ha, yes but I really really don't want a kid so if you don't mind, I'll keep using a condom.
• you mean you don't trust me not forgetting? Fine I'll get the implant then.

-No sorry, I don't trust that you won't have it removed without telling me, so I'll stick to the condom.

• But you know I get irritated by them despite trying all different brand and I don't orgasm.

-Mmm, I guess we'll just have to stop having sex until I feel different and become happy to have a child with you. -but why won't you trust me? -Because no women can ever be 100% trusted. Take it or leave it.

Yep, I can imagine the responses her to such atritude!

We've not had that conversation (been together 20+ years) and I doubt we will. Not sure what's hypercritical in that? It really is very easy (with no side effects compared to female contraception) for a guy to wear a condom, or, if he wants to guarantee he won't end up a dad to not have sex at all. I also realise abstaining is the only way I can personally guarantee no unwanted pregnancy. Of course it should work both ways.

It might not be much fun and in reality not a method used often but it won't kill either of us.

It’s funny that there is a reliable and fairly widely used contraceptive implant available for male dogs, but not male humans.

@Thewinterofdiscontent

Most women who want an abortion do so in complete anonymity. When she decides to carry on with the pregnancy, she is usually pitied for being let down by her asshole of partner who won't support her.

You know the worse thing about abortion is that you have to make a decision to kill something that is alive? People finding out is small potatoes in the list of Pros and Cons compared to making that choice.

And women “may” get pitied. More likely judged for her decision, her choice in men or financial situation.

Men who are stuck paying for a child they never wanted, with the constant guilt that although they did nothing wrong, they know they are letting down a human being?

So don’t let them down then.You can change your mind. A termination is final.

Of course men have much less control on the matter than women.

I would say the option to walk away gives men much more control. You’re biology doesn’t hold you back in the same way.

There is so much wrong with your argument, I don’t know where to start.

Then don’t.

The debate is well worn.

So don’t let them down then.You can change your mind. A termination is final.
You are blatantly ignoring the point of my OP. IF a man or woman is deceived into having a child, it should be criminal, no matter what. If it’s a woman, she knows the dangers before doing this deception so that doesn’t count at all and there is no need to act like a victim when you are the perpetrator.

Each human is responsible for their own procreation. I wouldn't depend on a man taking a contraceptive pill, I would want to ensure that we were both taking adequate independent responsibility.

It might be an uncomfortable discussion, but maybe if more people had it, it would become easier. Were I male, I would be wearing a condom unless I wanted a child. Simples. It isnt anyone else's responsibility.

I think you have to have a really very skewed and odd thought process to look at e.g. rape convictions, child maintenance evasion, etc in the UK and think "ah yes the problem here is that we don't have enough punitive laws towards womens sexual and reproductive etiquette."

I asked earlier where all these threads were with women saying they were going to lie to their partners and get pregnant etc etc

OP said they had come to the view that this is super common after reading threads on here, having not thought so previously.

Interestingly the OP has now come out quite strongly with the view that women who 'trap' men (how on earth do you prove that) should be held criminally responsible... So sent to prison pregnant on the man's word I suppose?

OP should a man have an equal say in whether a pregnancy is continued? Just out of interest. An equal say in law.

I would say the option to walk away gives men much more control. You’re biology doesn’t hold you back in the same way. There is so much wrong with your argument, I don’t know where to start
You're the one making little sense. A woman can decide once procreation has taking place whether to go ahead or not with having a baby. The wishes of the procreative has no barring in her decision. She can have the MAP or an abortion and move in with her life, no matter how much he begged her to keep the baby, give it to him to raise.

If the woman is the one wanting to go ahead with the pregnancy there is nothing the man can do to make her have an abortion. He then can't even opt to move away and go in with his life as the woman can and likely will go for maintenance, even if she moves to another country making contact just about impossible.

How you can't see the massive difference in control is beyond me.

I am bit confused. Is majority of people here arguing that it's ok if woman pretends to be on contraception in order to get pregnant?
(Not aiming at anyone specifically)

Dunno. I'm personally wondering where all these loads of threads are on mn with women saying they are going to do this, which prompted the OP to start the thread.

@NiceGerbil

Dunno. I'm personally wondering where all these loads of threads are on mn with women saying they are going to do this, which prompted the OP to start the thread.

There have been plenty of them. OP isn’t making that up.

Really? Loads of threads with women saying they are going to stop using contraception in order to get pregnant to 'trap' a man?

Are they on relationships? I don't go there all that much. I'm on here am awful lot though and not seen anything in active convos.

Why are men's contraceptive choices women's responsibility?

If a man wants to have sex and does not wish to father a child, he needs to ensure that he wears a condom.

It is his responsibility. Nobody else's.

It is wrong when women lie, definitely, but that does not absolve men from their personal responsibility. Each of us makes an active choice when having consensual sex.