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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be offended if your spouse did this?

613 replies

PiecesOfPie · 30/11/2020 12:28

I am an only child, my parents have quite a large estate which is in trust. I am the sole beneficiary of this (with them life time beneficiaries). The amount would be quite substantial.

My husband and I share one DC, he has 2 with his ex partner.

I have not yet discussed the situation with a solicitor but I want to broach the subject with DH and then get legal advice for when this happens. As far as I am aware, there are times when inheritance can be viewed as a marital asset in the case of separation?

I'd like to see a solicitor about essentially ring fencing this so that it can be left solely in my will to our 1 DC only. Essentially, I don't want any of the funds going to my husband and then onto my step children if we were to ever divorce.

Would you be insulted if your spouse suggested this to you? Yes it would mean that our DC would have the chance to inherit a lot more than my SC but it would be from me (my parents really), not their dad.

I must admit I'm not hugely clued up on all the rules and law surrounding this sort of thing and to clarify I have not yet sought any legal advice so this is entirely hypothetical right now.

OP posts:
Chamomileteaplease · 30/11/2020 12:34

Surely it is two different things you are talking about - one is what would happen in the event of a divorce. And one is your will.

Personally I don't think I would be offended with either if I was your spouse. But everyone is different.

Are you going to get legal advice first and then talk to him or vice versa?

BrumBoo · 30/11/2020 12:34

Godh another inheritance thread. Maybe there should be a specific forum for them.

Your inheritance is yours to do with as you please. Your SC are not your family (legally speaking) and presumably you won't need to inherit from him if he happens to go first, so he can just leave his assets to his children.

Oreservoir · 30/11/2020 12:35

You're obviously worried about your dp's reaction if you do this.
In your case I think you need good legal advice before broaching the subject with your dp.
Perhaps your parents could leave a large amount in trust directly for your dc.
As women usually live longer than men statistically your dp is unlikely to know what you eventually do.
I'm like you though.
My own dc would always come first.

Chamomileteaplease · 30/11/2020 12:35

Mind you, thinking about it, say you inherited in the next five years and then live with your husband together for another 20 enjoying the lifestyle. Then you die first and what happens to him? Does he get thrown out of the house because you have left it to your dc? Could get complicated.

VettiyaIruken · 30/11/2020 12:36

Could you ask your parents to change their will leaving the bulk in trust to your son with a token amount to you?

That way, your son inherits from his grandparents and you don't have a dilemma.

lonelySam · 30/11/2020 12:36

Speak to the solicitor first, then the husband. I wouldn't see anything wrong with it, seems fair to me.

IsFinnRogersDead · 30/11/2020 12:36

Would it be less potentially offensive if your parents made your child a beneficiary of their trust and so take the animosity out of your hands?

OneForMeToo · 30/11/2020 12:36

Can you not inherit it as a trust for your children with a lifetime control and interest to live in the house/house purchased with the money etc.

GlummyMcGlummerson · 30/11/2020 12:38

Nope I wouldn't be insulted and I'd do the same

Sexnotgender · 30/11/2020 12:38

YANBU at all. Your child will inherit from you and your husband.

Your step children will inherit from your husband and their mum.

Why should the step children inherit from their parents AND you?

katy1213 · 30/11/2020 12:38

If you think he'd be offended, just do it, don't discuss it. But he would be very unreasonable to assume that your family money would be going to his children. But the trust possibly provides for this anyway?

GrumpyHoonMain · 30/11/2020 12:39

Get your parents to change the trust so your DC is the beneficiary with you having lifetime interest. It’s fairly easy to do. No need to discuss with your DH either

Bookriddle · 30/11/2020 12:39

I was in this situation, but i was the kid, me and my brother inherited and my other brother(i dont class him as a step brother, he is my brother) didnt inherit anything, but me and my brother decided to give him an equal share from our money!

Hazelnutlatteplease · 30/11/2020 12:40

If it's in trust, who can benefit from the trust is outlined in the trust documents. If it is "PiecesOfPie and direct descendants" or offspring, your DH and DSC may be excluded anyway. Unless the trust has triggered to disband, is should be ongoing. Also who can benefit is very dependent on the trustees.

Pyewhacket · 30/11/2020 12:40

As far as I'm aware ALL assets are part of any marital union. And I think a lot of men would like to know how to protect substantial assets from a possible divorce settlement. Even prenups are not legally enforceable.

lightyearsahead · 30/11/2020 12:40

You need to get this sorted and carved out if possible. As it stands you haven't inherited yet but if you do then it potentially becomes party of the marriage assets and if you die first you want the inheritance to go to whoever you want it to.
I am not a lawyer, but if I were you I wouldn't leave anything to chance in your situation.
If you are on good terms wit your DSC I would leave them some sort of legacy.

Original poster
PiecesOfPie · 30/11/2020 12:42

Okay so there are obviously various things that can be looked at (which is why I need to speak to someone of course), I understood although I completely accept it could be wrongly, that there were more implications in leaving inheritance to grandchildren in terms of tax but I could have completely misread that. Otherwise I think my parents leaving in trust directly to our DC would probably be the easiest way to go about it.

To clarify, we wouldn't be living in any inherited property. Myself and my husband own our own home so it wouldn't be a case of my husband being 'chucked out of the house on my death'.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 30/11/2020 12:43

What are the plans for your DH if you were to die first rather than divorce?

Will he have a lifetime interest in your home before it goes to your DC? Will you leave him any money?

How close are you to your DSC? Do you want to leave them anything? A token?

Divebar · 30/11/2020 12:43

So if I understand correctly your parents die and you inherit a sum of money. If you then die that money would pass to your DH as part of your estate. If he were to re-marry and then die before his new wife then she would inherit and by-pass the children altogether. You can avoid this by setting up a trust to ensure it passes to your DD ( however I have no idea whether your DH could make a claim on it in the event of him not being very happy with the arrangement) I suppose he might feel a bit offended if his first two children are in much less favourable position financially but I think I would probably feel the same. How would you feel if the role was reversed ?

GrumpyHoonMain · 30/11/2020 12:44

@Pyewhacket

As far as I'm aware ALL assets are part of any marital union. And I think a lot of men would like to know how to protect substantial assets from a possible divorce settlement. Even prenups are not legally enforceable.
Trusts can be set up so they aren’t classed as a marital asset
PoppyFleur · 30/11/2020 12:45

You need to speak with your parents first of all and understand how the trust is structured. By the sounds of it, your parents have set up a trust for their entire estate/assets and you/ they are lifetime beneficiaries. They may have already added their grandchild to this trust. In which case it’s not a straight forward inheritance situation.

Divorce is a separate matter and future impact will depend on how the trust is structured.

user1493413286 · 30/11/2020 12:46

I don’t know enough about the legalities of it in your situation but I came into mine and DHs marriage with more money than him and I’ve always been open that i want my money to be left to our DC and not to his DSD. He will leave his money between all the children and my part will just go to mine.

Original poster
PiecesOfPie · 30/11/2020 12:48

he might feel a bit offended if his first two children are in much less favourable position financially but I think I would probably feel the same. How would you feel if the role was reversed?

I guess imho, the money is not DHs or his children's to feel offended by. It's our child's grandparents.

If my DSC mother's parents had a substantial amount of assets and those were left to them, I wouldn't feel offended on behalf of my child, how could I? It wouldn't be theirs.

And DSC will be left inheritance by me and DH separately, I just want to protect my parents inheritance for my DC.

If my DC chose to split it with their siblings as per PP, that's up to them.

OP posts:
Jocasta2018 · 30/11/2020 12:49

Your parents could set up a trust for your son. Alternatively they could leave him money directly in their will - quite a good move as it would avoid 2 loads of IHT (as in from your parents to you to your son).
I don't see any problems in rjngfencing the money to your child.

Original poster
PiecesOfPie · 30/11/2020 12:50

To clarify, I am talking about my inheritance from my parents as completely separate to anything me and DH will leave the children from our pot. My DSC will inherit. I just don't want this to include the inheritance from my parents.

OP posts: