Would you be offended if your spouse did this?

[PiecesOfPie]

I am an only child, my parents have quite a large estate which is in trust. I am the sole beneficiary of this (with them life time beneficiaries). The amount would be quite substantial.

My husband and I share one DC, he has 2 with his ex partner.

I have not yet discussed the situation with a solicitor but I want to broach the subject with DH and then get legal advice for when this happens. As far as I am aware, there are times when inheritance can be viewed as a marital asset in the case of separation?

I'd like to see a solicitor about essentially ring fencing this so that it can be left solely in my will to our 1 DC only. Essentially, I don't want any of the funds going to my husband and then onto my step children if we were to ever divorce.

Would you be insulted if your spouse suggested this to you? Yes it would mean that our DC would have the chance to inherit a lot more than my SC but it would be from me (my parents really), not their dad.

I must admit I'm not hugely clued up on all the rules and law surrounding this sort of thing and to clarify I have not yet sought any legal advice so this is entirely hypothetical right now.

[Nanny0gg]

@PiecesOfPie

To clarify, I am talking about my inheritance from my parents as completely separate to anything me and DH will leave the children from our pot. My DSC will inherit. I just don't want this to include the inheritance from my parents.

But what about your husband if you go first?

[Nottherealslimshady]

He may be offended but you're right, it wouldn't be fair for your SC to inherit from 3 families. Your inheritance and our half of the assets should go to your child. And your husbands half should be split between the three children.

[PiecesOfPie]

I will definitely speak to my parents too as per PP mentioned, I need to know exactly how it's structured. As far as I am aware, I have seen the documents but I'm no expert, at the moment the trust is only for me and doesn't include my DC. If it's possible, it's probably the easier option for them to make DC a beneficiary.

[PiecesOfPie]

But what about your husband if you go first?

What about my husband? We have our own assets which he would get from me.

I'm talking separately about my parents estate which I want to leave to our DC.

Our estate/property/finances whatever would go solely to him on my death as it stands right now.

[CoronaBollox]

Even if he is, you are absolutely doing the right thing. Most people would agree. If he does get shitty ask him, when DSC grandparents die (on mums side) will DC get a share. Of course not. It's entirely different to yours and his inheritance.


I wouldnt be offended.

[flaviaritt]

You are entitled to do what you like. But no, by the time your step DC or DH inherited, it wouldn’t be your child’s grand parent’s money, it would be your money. So you can do what you like with it.

Personally I wouldn’t create a blended family with someone who wanted this. It’s not greed, it’s about the principles behind creating a family. It would just seem lacking to me.

[PiecesOfPie]

@flaviaritt

You are entitled to do what you like. But no, by the time your step DC or DH inherited, it wouldn’t be your child’s grand parent’s money, it would be your money. So you can do what you like with it.

Personally I wouldn’t create a blended family with someone who wanted this. It’s not greed, it’s about the principles behind creating a family. It would just seem lacking to me.

I'd be happy for it to bypass me if necessary and go straight to DC. If our DC can be made the beneficiary of the trust I'd rather that.

[SlippersForFlippers]

I agree with PPs, see if they can leave it directly to your child and bypass you.

[ivfbeenbusy]

I have a similar issue and was advised by my will company for the trust to bypass me abs leave all to my children

[PiecesOfPie]

@ivfbeenbusy

I have a similar issue and was advised by my will company for the trust to bypass me abs leave all to my children

Thank you, that's helpful. Seems like it's possibly the easiest way to go about it.

[flaviaritt]

PiecesOfPie

It’s obviously fine (you can do what you like) but your question was whether this would offend. In a family, yes it would. My DH has benefited from early inheritances that have come to me. I expect to benefit from any inheritances that might come to him. We’re a partnership. If he had brought other children to the relationship, I’d have shared with them as well.

[IrkedEssex]

If there is an existing trust then the options available will depend on the terms of the trust. Usually trusts are quite widely drawn to allow flexibility.

If we are talking about a trust set up in your parents wills then they can change those at any time to a more suitable arrangement.

Get legal advice. In general terms it would be far more tax-efficient for them to pass wealth directly to your children and bypass you. So if you don't have or anticipate any need for the money it would make sense to pass it to your children. It is very likely to be possible to set up arrangements whereby you/your husband could benefit in some way but which would ring fence the capital so it would ultimately pass to your children.

[ivfbeenbusy]

@PiecesOfPie

It was also a stipulation from my parents when I got married. They of course love DH but were adamant none of the inheritance they would One day pass on could go to him

[PiecesOfPie]

@flaviaritt

PiecesOfPie

It’s obviously fine (you can do what you like) but your question was whether this would offend. In a family, yes it would. My DH has benefited from early inheritances that have come to me. I expect to benefit from any inheritances that might come to him. We’re a partnership. If he had brought other children to the relationship, I’d have shared with them as well.

That's fine, we'll agree to disagree. To me, ensuring my childs future is taken care of is paramount to me over being seen as completely equal.

I don't think completely equal is the same as fair all the time either, especially in blended families. Who knows what my DSC will inherit from their GPs on their mums side.

[flaviaritt]

PiecesOfPie

Of course, but your question was whether I would be offended.

[TokyoSushi]

I'm not sure of the legalities but if your DC could benefit directly from their grandparents that might be easier. Cuts out the middle man so to speak.

[ExConstance]

I find all this "my inheritance" stuff very odd where there are married couples involved. DH and I have had several legacies over the time we have been married (one big one, several small ones). We always regard this as joint money and give a small amount to our children then just divide the rest between us. When ;you are married everything is a joint asset in my book.

[ivfbeenbusy]

@flaviaritt

PiecesOfPie

It’s obviously fine (you can do what you like) but your question was whether this would offend. In a family, yes it would. My DH has benefited from early inheritances that have come to me. I expect to benefit from any inheritances that might come to him. We’re a partnership. If he had brought other children to the relationship, I’d have shared with them as well.

In a perfect world this is nice BUT

My parents are "well from" my PIL are not. Unlikely I'd benefit from any inheritance left to DH from them. Also my parents were adamant the "family" money wasn't to go outside of the family. DH in the event that I died before him and if he had stepchildren are not family as harsh as that sounds

[HollowTalk]

But why shouldn't you benefit from your parents' money? And why on earth should your husband think his children should benefit from that?

[adoiada]

If I married a man with children and then had a child with him, I can't imagine ever expecting inheritance from his ex-wife's family to go to our child! Our child has nothing to do with them! Frankly it would be weird to me if they DID get money from her family.

[PiecesOfPie]

@ExConstance

I find all this "my inheritance" stuff very odd where there are married couples involved. DH and I have had several legacies over the time we have been married (one big one, several small ones). We always regard this as joint money and give a small amount to our children then just divide the rest between us. When ;you are married everything is a joint asset in my book.

I would probably feel the same if there weren't children from previous relationships involved to be perfectly honest.

If it were just me DH and our DC, I could be confident that whoever passed first, it would be left to our DC. But when my husband already has children from a previous relationship, it changes things imo. Because he could split it between all the children in his will after I died and my DC would get less. I don't want that personally. I want to ensure our DC benefits from the majority of the inheritance their grandparents left.

[ivfbeenbusy]

My DH wasn't offended. He understood. He's benefited by my parents being better off financially over the years with things they've bought us a couple or for our child(den)
Maybe it's because I'm not a STAHM and so DH hasn't supported us financially in that sense but I see no reason why he should feel entitled to share in what could be a substantial 6 figure sum

[PegasusReturns]

This is tricky both legally and emotionally. I would advise openness and honesty early on.

I have set up my estate so that jointly owned property goes to DH but other assets are shared equally between him and DC.

I know he was a bit stung by that, even though it makes most sense from a tax perspective.

[GreenlandTheMovie]

Oh for goodness sake, just go and see a solicitor who specialises in this sort of thing.

If its such a valuable estate, I would have thought your parents would have already sought legal advice.

It seems unusual not to want to leave your spouse anything, unless all of the value is tied up in a house and land and would have to be sold to give him eg 25%.

[SenselessUbiquity]

Get the legal advice first, on your own, without speaking to your husband. It doesn't matter whether he is offended or not - in the event of a divorce no one will be happy, so it doesn't matter how he feels about it.

Get your own solicitor and make your own plans - you are seeking to act as an individual, which is fine, so stop looking for your H to give you permission.