Would you be offended if your spouse did this?

[PiecesOfPie]

I am an only child, my parents have quite a large estate which is in trust. I am the sole beneficiary of this (with them life time beneficiaries). The amount would be quite substantial.

My husband and I share one DC, he has 2 with his ex partner.

I have not yet discussed the situation with a solicitor but I want to broach the subject with DH and then get legal advice for when this happens. As far as I am aware, there are times when inheritance can be viewed as a marital asset in the case of separation?

I'd like to see a solicitor about essentially ring fencing this so that it can be left solely in my will to our 1 DC only. Essentially, I don't want any of the funds going to my husband and then onto my step children if we were to ever divorce.

Would you be insulted if your spouse suggested this to you? Yes it would mean that our DC would have the chance to inherit a lot more than my SC but it would be from me (my parents really), not their dad.

I must admit I'm not hugely clued up on all the rules and law surrounding this sort of thing and to clarify I have not yet sought any legal advice so this is entirely hypothetical right now.

That simply isn't very common, so it seems unlikely all the siblings will be equally—or even close to equally—fortunate in future

Only because they happen to have, by luck of the draw, different grandparents. They have the same dad though.

@Youseethethingis

Only fair to the DSC if their father provides more for them than his other child. Ok then 🙄

I didn't say only fair, I said he "may wish to consider". Different people have different definitions of fairness, as this thread makes clear.

There is no rule that the OP must distribute her assets evenly among her children and stepchildren. She decided her biological child should receive the entirety of any assets held in trust and the stepsiblings should receive none.

Similarly, there is no rule that her husband must distribute his assets evenly among his children. One of his children is likely to receive dramatically more than the other two; it is his choice if he wants to adjust for this or not.

Regardless of whether he does, he needs to start planning how to divide his estate to be divided between his children. The OP is already ensuring that the trust she expects to inherit goes solely to her biological child; it would be prudent to ensure the same does not happen if she should inherit his.

@FluffyFlamin

That simply isn't very common, so it seems unlikely all the siblings will be equally—or even close to equally—fortunate in future

Only because they happen to have, by luck of the draw, different grandparents. They have the same dad though.

Not different grandparents, different mothers. OP was clear that she is the sole beneficiary of the trust, and she wants to ensure her child is the sole beneficiary in the event of death or divorce.

That's reasonable and fair, assuming she doesn't have a parental relationship with her stepchildren; now it is up to her husband to decide what's fairest for all of his children.

Similarly, there is no rule that her husband must distribute his assets evenly among his children
There are no rules, as you say. But what you’re suggesting isn’t similar at all. OPs DH has responsibility towards all of his children. What’s similar is that OP has responsibility to all of her children.
How many times has it been said, quite rightly, that it doesn’t matter if the mother marries a millionaire, the children’s father must still pay maintenance because they are his children and his responsibility? I don’t see how that squares with saying “oh look the step mums parents have coin, I’ll just provide less to my youngest child” when it comes to inheritance.

Similarly, there is no rule that her husband must distribute his assets evenly among his children

No rule no but I don't think the two are comparable.

And yes, different grandparents. That's where the money is coming from after all whether it go to OP and then onto her child or to her child direct, it's still ultimately coming from them.

@FluffyFlamin

This thread definitely opens your eyes to how entitled some people can be about money though.

Am I one of the only ones who wouldn't even consider DHs inheritance from his parents as equally mine just because we were married? Frankly I'd think it were none of my business and, whilst I'd be grateful if he chose to spend it on things for us, I wouldn't ever dream of being offended or angry if he had a plan for it and used it for that instead especially not if that were something like leaving it for his kids. It's his parents money, I'd think it were up to him what he chose to do with it.

No you are not the only one. I would be the same as you. But then I also think that people should keep their finances separate which is a big no no on MN

Two problems that I can see with it all going straight to your DC:

1. Your circumstances change after your parents die & you need the money.

1. Your DC inherit it at 18 and blow the lot on fast car/holidays/lifestyle that you disapprove of.

Your DH should also be leaving his assets directly to all his DC in case (not saying you would) you fall out with DSC & disinherit them.

Am I one of the only ones who wouldn't even consider DHs inheritance from his parents as equally mine just because we were married? Frankly I'd think it were none of my business and, whilst I'd be grateful if he chose to spend it on things for us, I wouldn't ever dream of being offended or angry if he had a plan for it and used it for that instead especially not if that were something like leaving it for his kids. It's his parents money, I'd think it were up to him what he chose to do with it.

Nope, me neither. I won’t inherit my parents’ property and DH won’t inherit his parents’ property, in part or in full. We’ve mentally written off our stakes due to toxic siblings. We are at sea in the world 😂 But we did ok, maybe because we pretty much always knew we wouldn’t inherit.

Naturally, he has an obligation to care for all his children. I'm talking specifically about inheritance arrangements and simply noted there are other metrics for fairness than making equivalent financial contributions to every child irrespective of circumstances.

@Youseethethingis, you noted that CSA-paying parents pay the same even if the other parent is a millionaire. That's a great example that I think can also illustrate how fairness may take individual circumstances into account.

You'd likely agree that parents have discretion when it comes to childcare contributions outside of mandatory CSA payments. Your hypothetical parent pays CSA for a child mostly living with their millionaire ex. Let's say they have another child whom they fully support. Like many non-millionaire parents, they sometimes struggle to make ends meet.

Do you think the parent should contribute exactly the same, pound-for-pound, to both children? (Counting CSA, of course.) Or would it be fair for them to contribute more to the child who lives with them?

I think it is reasonable to spend comparatively less on a child who is better provided for. They already pay a reasonable agreed amount based on their means; paying more has marginal benefit to one child and potentially puts the other in a precarious situation.

Similarly, if the OP's husband knows one child will inherit far more than the other two, it isn't unreasonable to consider that in planning the disposition of his own estate. He is free to decide and I don't judge him either way.

Regardless, my main point was that the OP is making her own arrangements, so it would be prudent for him to do the same. I recently consoled a friend through a messy inheritance dispute and I'm sure we've all heard enough unamicable divorce stories to agree on that!

Your plans and concerns are absolutely valid OP. If I was your parents I wouldn't want trust money going to children who 1) I wasn't related to
2) will be inheriting off their own 2 parents and grandparents.

Take legal advice together with your parents to get it all shored up. You must.

It's amazing how money can end up in the hands of non-relatives by lax legal arrangements.

Your hypothetical parent pays CSA for a child mostly living with their millionaire ex.
Not quite, my hypothetical parent is married to a millionaire, ie. the step parent is the millionaire. I don’t think step parent finances should come into it when calculating maintenance due, similarly the finances of the step parents family shouldn’t inform what a parent is willing to provide for their child.
I do actually think that if the RP is a millionaire and the NRP is on the bones of their arse, the right thing for the RP to do would be to give the NRP money to smooth over the bump for the child moving between homes. Realise it’s would be fiendishly difficult to put into regulations but nevertheless still think it would be best for the the child.
Massive detail here OP - sorry!

@Youseethethingis Ah, I see. Since CSA payments are solely based on the paying parent's income, not the receiving parent's nor the step-parent's, I thought I could simplify. My bad!

It doesn't change my perspective whether the parent or step-parent is contributing to a higher standard of living, but I accept that it changes yours.