Would you be offended if your spouse did this?

[PiecesOfPie]

I am an only child, my parents have quite a large estate which is in trust. I am the sole beneficiary of this (with them life time beneficiaries). The amount would be quite substantial.

My husband and I share one DC, he has 2 with his ex partner.

I have not yet discussed the situation with a solicitor but I want to broach the subject with DH and then get legal advice for when this happens. As far as I am aware, there are times when inheritance can be viewed as a marital asset in the case of separation?

I'd like to see a solicitor about essentially ring fencing this so that it can be left solely in my will to our 1 DC only. Essentially, I don't want any of the funds going to my husband and then onto my step children if we were to ever divorce.

Would you be insulted if your spouse suggested this to you? Yes it would mean that our DC would have the chance to inherit a lot more than my SC but it would be from me (my parents really), not their dad.

I must admit I'm not hugely clued up on all the rules and law surrounding this sort of thing and to clarify I have not yet sought any legal advice so this is entirely hypothetical right now.

Sorry, OP, you are right: I missed that. Not secret, but still, yes, you want to change the natural (standard - not legal) course of inheritance rights to exclude some members of your family. I doubt he will be super keen. But let us know.

I do not intend to be 'secret' about any of it. I would prefer our DC to benefit from my parents inheritance rather than it coming to me to then be split in the event me and DH divorced (or on death).

There is nothing secret about it. I'd prefer our DC to benefit from their grandparents rather than it potentially being split between various others.

I'm not sneaking off to a solicitor to change it behind anyone's back. I couldn't do that even if I would (which I wouldn't), my parents would have to if they agreed with me. If they don't, then it's up to them isn't it.

It's quite common for this sort of provision to be made. The Trust that has the assets in can LEND you the money OP, when you die the Trust that your parents establish recalls the money from your estate. This returns the value to the Trust and then the assets are available to the next generation. Simple. This protects on divorce and death, but it is not foolproof.

What you need to be aware of is that money taken from an inheritance Trust, if integrated into the family finances, could be argued as an asset of the marriage. Don't therefore borrow the money and buy a bigger house with it. It is a good IHT wheeze too.

You need advice from a STEP qualified solicitor.

But if she marries and divorces, he might get it... At some point it stops being possible to ring-fence it.

Or she might give her half-siblings some.

As a spouse I wouldn't be offended.

BUT I think you have to think this through a bit more. Your DC hasn't got any siblings except their step siblings. You are creating a divide that seems cruel and could ruin the relationship the kids have.

Could you not allow the step children 10% each and your DC the remaining 80%?

Do you not see your step children as more than your DHs children? Do you not foresee you developing a very close bond? Personally I think it's a bit sad that you maintain the disconnect.

various others.

Come on, OP. This is very distancing language. Would you be happy if this was the other way round and your DH called your children ‘various others’?

If I were your spouse, I think I'd feel indignant but I'd also feel like it's the right thing to do and would be embarrassed to argue. It would be purely selfish on my part as your spouse to try and argue this one. You are looking out for your child and taking very sensible precautions. I say go for it.

chilling and neurotic

Don’t be ridiculous.

I would talk to the solicitor who did your parents' will. With your parents' knowledge and cooperation, of course.

Can you manage very well without the inheritance, if the money goes straight to your DC?

I guess it means you wouldn't need to be as prudent and could go mad with your own money to a greater extent!

But don't cut off your nose to spite your face.

@liveitwell

As a spouse I wouldn't be offended.

BUT I think you have to think this through a bit more. Your DC hasn't got any siblings except their step siblings. You are creating a divide that seems cruel and could ruin the relationship the kids have.

Could you not allow the step children 10% each and your DC the remaining 80%?

Do you not see your step children as more than your DHs children? Do you not foresee you developing a very close bond? Personally I think it's a bit sad that you maintain the disconnect.

For what it's worth, I actually think that this is much more inflammatory/offensive than the estate being left directly to OP's DD by her grandparents. If it passes to the DH but then he's supposed to divide it up like that then in practice that means he has to give different amounts to his different children.

I actually think that them leaving it directly to your DD is perfectly ok within that spectrum, as long as you're really sure you want to give up any claim on it forever. But if she marries and divorces, he might get it... At some point it stops being possible to ring-fence it

I totally appreciate it can't be ring fenced forever. Whatever our DC decided to do with it (if it ever came to pass) would be completely up to them. They may even split it with their siblings as PPs have said, fine, not my decision. But what I can do / if I can do something to secure their future, I would like to, as their mother. It's important to me. I have no idea if my DSC will end up with something similar from their mother's family, who knows, they might do!

I know a v v wealthy family where the mother died and the father remarried v v quickly. I think he was lonely and the person was pretty opportunistic as she had been the wife's carer I think. He then dies v soon after the wedding and she inherited everything. She then left everything to her kids, family home etc - nothing to his kids who were effectively completely disinherited
It was terrible.
I really don't understand why people with kids remarry, where I am from you can't disinherit a spouse so things like these definitely need to be sorted out ASAP.

I have no idea if my DSC will end up with something similar from their mother's family, who knows, they might do!

You really don’t know anything about your DSC’s family?

@liveitwell

As a spouse I wouldn't be offended.

BUT I think you have to think this through a bit more. Your DC hasn't got any siblings except their step siblings. You are creating a divide that seems cruel and could ruin the relationship the kids have.

Could you not allow the step children 10% each and your DC the remaining 80%?

Do you not see your step children as more than your DHs children? Do you not foresee you developing a very close bond? Personally I think it's a bit sad that you maintain the disconnect.

They are more than just DHs children yes. But I am not and never have really been, a mother to them. They were too old for that when I met them they weren't tiny babies or small children. We have a good relationship but I don't see them as my children just as they don't see me as their parent. It's not meant to be insulting, it's just what our situation is like due to varying factors, ages etc... Not everyone's blended family is exactly the same with everyone having intense maternal relationships with SM and her parents and so on. It's just the way it is in our situation, all perfectly happy.

@flaviaritt

I have no idea if my DSC will end up with something similar from their mother's family, who knows, they might do!

You really don’t know anything about your DSC’s family?

I don't have a clue what their mother's parents intend to leave to them no... Just as I'm sure their mother doesn't know much about my parents plans for their assets either.

@TimeToGoFishing

I would talk to the solicitor who did your parents' will. With your parents' knowledge and cooperation, of course.

Can you manage very well without the inheritance, if the money goes straight to your DC?

I guess it means you wouldn't need to be as prudent and could go mad with your own money to a greater extent!

But don't cut off your nose to spite your face.

OP: Divorce is one situation where you might want access to the inheritance funds.

But depending on the extent, maybe a significant proportion could be left to your DC, and the rest to you.

I don't have a clue what their mother's parents intend to leave to them no... Just as I'm sure their mother doesn't know much about my parents plans for their assets either.

But your parents don’t intend (currently) to leave anything to your DC either. It must be obvious to your DH’s ex that you and your DH are very comfortable, though, and if you weren’t and there were things lacking, it would be reasonable to infer there wasn’t a minted parent hovering in the background.

Is your DSC’s other parent fairly comfortable?

@flaviaritt

various others.

Come on, OP. This is very distancing language. Would you be happy if this was the other way round and your DH called your children ‘various others’?

I'm not referring to solely my DSC but as others have pointed out, DH could possibly remarry then to any children they have and so on and so forth. So yes, potentially various others as I said.

Can’t the trust be amended to have a caveat that any proceeds can only be given to blood relatives or adopted children?

Is it possible for the money to be left in a Trust fund that has a stated purpose. E.G:
"Money in Trust for PiecesOfPie to draw upon for her benefit and for the benefit of her offspring", for example?

My Mum's neighbour was married to a wealthy but incredibly old fashioned man (she is well over 100 now, so donkey's ago). He left all his money in Trust - it is all for her but the Trustees (her solicitor and sons, I think...gives me the rage thinking about the sexism of it..) release money on request in accordance with the terms of the Fund.

Come to think of it, it might have been to protect the money from her re-marrying and it ending up with someone else's kids, as she was younger than him.

@flaviaritt

I don't have a clue what their mother's parents intend to leave to them no... Just as I'm sure their mother doesn't know much about my parents plans for their assets either.

But your parents don’t intend (currently) to leave anything to your DC either. It must be obvious to your DH’s ex that you and your DH are very comfortable, though, and if you weren’t and there were things lacking, it would be reasonable to infer there wasn’t a minted parent hovering in the background.

Is your DSC’s other parent fairly comfortable?

I'm sure she knows that we are fairly comfortable. I don't know if she knows that my parents are well off, I would guess that her parents are comfortable based on them having a nice house I've seen the outside of about twice but no, I wouldn't have a clue if her parents had substantial assets, just as I'm sure she doesn't really know much about my parents.

And yes, as far as I'm aware ex and her husband are also comfortable financially. He owns a successful business. But I would be assuming, I obviously don't have any in-depth knowledge of their finances.

Talk to the solicitor who wrote the will and set up the trust.

I'm not referring to solely my DSC but as others have pointed out, DH could possibly remarry then to any children they have and so on and so forth. So yes, potentially various others as I said.

I see. Your DH might have more kids is a reasonable concern. I still think you should reconsider leaving him nothing.

I have a step child, I am a step child, my father is a step child and my grandmother is a step child.
I would never make a difference to inheritance and treat all as equal.
In two instances it was the step child that has looked after the step parent to their last days.
None of these step children were "young" when they became part of a blended family.
What was true in each generation was the pain and hurt when it became clear the step parent didn't regard the step child as 'real' family, that pain that snub lasts for years.
It was never about the money but about the effort and time spent to create barriers and 'cut out' the step child, often when years had been spent trying to heal rifts.

Just include your DC on the trust - this is what we have done with our family trust (even though there are no SC involved) my dsis and I are beneficiaries, followed by our DCs, our husbands don't get a look in - whether we divorce or die. I think they both know this!