Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Talking/flirting with a married man. I know it's wrong

244 replies

Greyandwhite · 28/11/2020 23:43

I know I'm a horrible person and I expect to be completely flamed for posting this

I'm not even sure how it got started. We met in work over a month ago, got chatting, had a bit of a laugh but I noticed the wedding ring and that was that. I'm 24 and he's 37. Was talking to another male colleague a few days later and the topic came up, I told him I thought he was attractive but knew he was married. Told him in confidence so didn't really expect him to say anything as I knew nothing could ever happen but I guess men gossip to...

This was over a month ago now and I haven't seen him since we first met. I'd not even given it a second thought until last night when he requested to follow me on Facebook out of the blue. I thought nothing of it as I do have a lot of work colleagues on Facebook so saw nothing wrong with accepting him but certainly didn't expect him to message me or make any contact. Well, he has tonight. Made a lot of comments about how he's flattered "someone like me??" would find him attractive etc and asking "if I like him?" and "what have I been saying about him?" I asked him if he was married, he said yes but is still continuing to message and be flirty/cheeky.

I have to admit, I am enjoying the attention and we are having a laugh, talking about random stuff but I know it's completely wrong and so inappropriate. Just spoke to the other colleague about it (the one who told him) and he's confirmed that he finds me very attractive etc.

Just give me a kick up the arse, I'm not a slag. This isn't me, I know it's wrong. I would be heartbroken if this was my husband/partner. I know there is no excuse for doing something like this

OP posts:
Original poster
Greyandwhite · 28/11/2020 23:46

We've been talking for the last two hours which I know isn't normal or just a normal friendly chat

OP posts:
FredtheFerret · 28/11/2020 23:47

Block him. Or defriend or whatever it is you do to stop someone contacting you. The attention means nothing. He's not interested in you and is just using you for an who boost. Don't allow yourself to be used by a bloke who's 13 years older than you. You can do better.

Newuser991 · 28/11/2020 23:47

Block him. If you don't you deserve what you get

FredtheFerret · 28/11/2020 23:48

Bloody hell! ego boost

ILikeStrongTea · 28/11/2020 23:48

Stop then.

Sparklesocks · 28/11/2020 23:50

Im afraid if you play with fire you’ll get burnt. Do you have quite low self esteem?

UniversalHadIt · 28/11/2020 23:53

Hmmm.

As someone who ONLY seems to attract married men, let me tell you this.

It isn’t about you. It’s about him. I mean- for him it’s about him. It’s about feeling younger, hotter, like he has options, like he’s cool. It’s about a fantasy of an affair. He might be a total cad and it’s even about trying to shag you for real.

But,

You could be anyone. You could be LITERALLY anyone to this guy. He isn’t interested in you, or your personality. He doesn’t care where you grew up, or that your parents were lovely or awful, or that Ohmigod I LOVE BOB DYLAN TOO!!!

It’s that you’re making him feel good.

say goodnight, politely, close your laptop and don’t engage further. Don’t let his desire for an ego boost, turn you into someone you aren’t.

Leeds2 · 28/11/2020 23:53

Have some pride in yourself.

Mycatwontstopstaring · 28/11/2020 23:53

Ugh gross. He wants a quick shag from a younger woman who doesn’t expect any kind of relationship or respect and who isn’t in a position to make demands on him.

Have a good thing about how disrespectful he’s being to his wife, and to you. I don’t think he is “attractive” at all. If you do, that seems pretty shallow given that he is an insecure creep who is prepared to risk his marriage for an ego trip. Much much worse if he is in any way senior to you.

Tell him you’re busy, stop replying, and go on some dates with some actual available men who respect you enough to consider some kind of a future.

CyberNan · 28/11/2020 23:54

that's right, there is no excuse...

you know exactly how it started so consider yourself kicked up the arse.

these blokes are already talking about you... if you take it any further they are going to talk some more and it will not be pleasant. do you want your colleague asking your other colleague if you are a good shag?

respect yourself and get him out of your mind now.

Original poster
Greyandwhite · 28/11/2020 23:54

@Sparklesocks yes I would say so, not that it's an excuse. I've always been attracted to older men for some reason, I find boys my own age really immature at times. My ex was 9 years older than me and was emotionally abusive, use to call me fat, ugly etc.

OP posts:
user1471560845 · 28/11/2020 23:54

Grow up. You are being used as an ego boost, that’s all

21833efb · 28/11/2020 23:54

You know what you're doing is wrong and where it will lead. Stop doing it. Stop chatting to him. If you must chat to him, keep it professional.

Do you really want to be the reason for the break up of his marriage?

Weirdfan · 28/11/2020 23:55

How would you feel if he was your DH and having flirty chats with a random woman? If you can't value yourself more than being a prospective 'bit on the side' then at least think how you'd feel in his wife's shoes and block him for her sake. There are far less harmful (to you and his wife) ways for you to get an ego boost.

Buzzthedragon · 28/11/2020 23:56

Sounds boring and he sounds like a right wanker.
Go and find a man that gives you all of his love rather than the dregs.

Thehogfatherstolemycurry · 28/11/2020 23:59

Stop it and gain some self respect. He's using you for an ego boost.

CiaraNP · 29/11/2020 00:01

OP I think you know what you're doing it wrong and you know you should stop it. Everyone on here is reinforcing that and you really should listen.

As for his behaviour... Angry. Disgraceful. So disrespectful and unfair on his presumably unsuspecting wife.

AnyFucker · 29/11/2020 00:05

How old are you ? 13 ?

And have you so little sodding work to do that you spend your days either making eyes with married tossers or chatting with other men about them ?

Get some pride in your career, and in yourself

Sparklesocks · 29/11/2020 00:06

I think it’s important to remember that validation from attention from married men (or women!) isn’t really validation at all, in any respect. It might be a fleeting boost, or exciting, but in the big scheme of things it’s meaningless. Some people just flirt because they enjoy it, it doesn’t mean they’re actually interested in the person they’re flirting with. It’s just a bit of fun for them and they’d do it with whoever was an active participant.

It doesn’t make you special if a married man is tempted by you, it just means you are there and willing - because he’s unable to address whatever issues in his marriage are causing him to have a wandering eye. If it wasn’t you it would be someone else. You probably aren’t the first.

Shut it down and focus your energies into available men. Do you want to invest time in men who are capable of cheating? Of disrespecting their wives? Then you know what you need to do.

Aquamarine1029 · 29/11/2020 00:08

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Greyandwhite · 29/11/2020 00:09

I have told him I'm going to sleep and he said fine and asked me if I would message him in the morning. I don't plan to. It's not that I don't want to block him as that certainly would be the easier option but I feel it will cause an atmosphere in work and makes things awkward the next time I see him. I think it would be easier to just ignore him and pretend like I'm busy if he ever asks why I don't respond to his messages.

OP posts:
Poppet1974 · 29/11/2020 00:13

You’ll be the talk of the workplace and it’ll end in tears .... for you and his wife! With maybe you looking for a new job.
You need to get out more if talking to a married man over Facebook is an ego boost!
Honestly you’re worth more than that surely.

WilheldivaHater · 29/11/2020 00:13

I can't imagine it would cause much of an atmosphere if you blocked him as he is the one with the wife who he presumably doesn't want to find out about flirty messages he sends to coworkers.

I suggest you block him and if he asks you about it just say "I felt our conversation was inappropriate as you're married" I doubt he'd press it further.

AnyFucker · 29/11/2020 00:14

Still game playing then ?

ThatsAllFolks · 29/11/2020 00:15

Just leave it, will get icky quickly, better off out of it

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.