Talking/flirting with a married man. I know it's wrong

[Greyandwhite]

I know I'm a horrible person and I expect to be completely flamed for posting this

I'm not even sure how it got started. We met in work over a month ago, got chatting, had a bit of a laugh but I noticed the wedding ring and that was that. I'm 24 and he's 37. Was talking to another male colleague a few days later and the topic came up, I told him I thought he was attractive but knew he was married. Told him in confidence so didn't really expect him to say anything as I knew nothing could ever happen but I guess men gossip to...

This was over a month ago now and I haven't seen him since we first met. I'd not even given it a second thought until last night when he requested to follow me on Facebook out of the blue. I thought nothing of it as I do have a lot of work colleagues on Facebook so saw nothing wrong with accepting him but certainly didn't expect him to message me or make any contact. Well, he has tonight. Made a lot of comments about how he's flattered "someone like me??" would find him attractive etc and asking "if I like him?" and "what have I been saying about him?" I asked him if he was married, he said yes but is still continuing to message and be flirty/cheeky.

I have to admit, I am enjoying the attention and we are having a laugh, talking about random stuff but I know it's completely wrong and so inappropriate. Just spoke to the other colleague about it (the one who told him) and he's confirmed that he finds me very attractive etc.

Just give me a kick up the arse, I'm not a slag. This isn't me, I know it's wrong. I would be heartbroken if this was my husband/partner. I know there is no excuse for doing something like this

Yes, you have pursued a married man. He's no catch by the way. Please raise your standards for yourself.

Send this message this morning:

'Although I enjoyed chatting to you last night I won't be doing again, you are married and flirting with me in not appropriate or fair on your wife. I am young and single and don't wish to waste any time on someone who is married, life's too short. I'd appreciate it if we kept our interactions purely professional in the future. All the best, greyandwhite '

As I side note....the colleague you are confiding in sounds like a real trouble maker, I would not trust them as far as I could throw them. Be very careful here, you are acting very unprofessionally. If you continue with this you will look very bad, cause a lot of hurt and you will get very badly burned.

You're a little trouble maker. I think you know exactly what you're doing and I'll bet you've given virtually zero thought to the feelings and welfare of his wife and kids neither has he as he's a complete loser.

OP, I’ve been where you are, in my early twenties. Thankfully nothing happened, but 20 years later I am still so ashamed of myself for it. It’s not too late for you to cut this person out and move on.

[quote Greyandwhite]@Sparklesocks yes I would say so, not that it's an excuse. I've always been attracted to older men for some reason, I find boys my own age really immature at times. My ex was 9 years older than me and was emotionally abusive, use to call me fat, ugly etc. [/quote]
I would reconsider who you find attractive because the older man thing isn't really working out for you is it? Maybe one of those 'boys' your own age might actually treat you with some respect.

As pp said, you could literally be anyone- for men like this, you are nothing more than an ego boost. Nothing. More.

I find it troubling that you are happy to share your soul with another colleague who is repeating what you are telling him.. unless that is what you hoped would happen?

Either way don't fool yourself that the 'friend' has your interests at heart and that he snd Mr Bombastic are not possibly saying some unflattering and unkind things about you.

Do you really want the drama at your place of work ffs?

It makes my skin crawl just thinking about it.

It was very unprofessional of you to tell another male work colleague that you fancied this married man. Who does that?

You have to stop this in its tracks. Don’t chat, flirt and tell yourself it’s harmless, as it will easily escalate. Just act completely uninterested and definitely don’t chat online ‘out of politeness.’

Of course you wanted it to get back to him, why else tell a work colleague? How does that even come up in a conversation at work?
You got the ball rolling
Grow the fuck up and take responsibility.
Just block him, sod it if it makes it awkward at work, you deserve it
Learn from it

He's a wrong un. Don't do it. Haven't you ever been cheated on? It's horrible. And it's a million times worse if you're married with kids. Also everyone knows that it is horrible and everyone at your work will be judging you. Just don't be that person.

Nothing good will come out of this for you.
Stop the chat with him and go join a dating site where single men hang out.

I guess it must be flattering and seem exciting, but I promise it won't end up like that. Please, do yourself a favour and tell him you've made a mistake and will not engage any more. Imagine if he was your husband, father or your kids, and he was sniffing around a younger, single model. Not nice, is it.

He's a slug and will have done this before. Don't drag yourself down to that level. You can do better.

He asked if you like him? 😆 that's so sad. If my husband had the conversation over 3 hours with another woman he'd spend the next 3 hours packing his stuff and going to find somewhere to stay. Don't be the idiot whose doorstep he turns up on. Read the book 'getting rid of Matthew' by Jane Fallon and see how that affair turned out. It's hilarious and it'll definitely put you off chatting to married men inappropriately.

You're an idiot. Your colleagues are all gossiping about you fancying an older, married colleague. He's now using you as an ego boost. If you wanted a career in that industry, I'd start looking for new jobs as it will never happen there now. You're seen as the office whore now unfortunately.

How do you think your other colleague found out about the older one talking to you? He told him! Wake up woman.

You don’t need a kick up the arse you need to block him. So what if it’s awkward. In fact before you do, send him a message saying he’s a married man and the whole chat is completely wrong and inappropriate and if you were his wife you’d be mortified at the fact he was messaging you.
But you aren’t going to because as you said you enjoyed the attention and you fancy him! So the “I’m not a slag” comment isn’t true either. He’s just as much of one as you are if you choose to carry on. Women like you make me sick! (And before anyone starts, men like him make me sick too, but this is about her!)

Look I get it maybe ...did it make you feel good?

It's been a rough year, etc maybe the contact was a break from the routine

But he's married. He isn't a very nice person if he is talking to other women in that way and maybe you aren't the only one.

Block

So boys your own age are really immature but some late thirties married man messaging you asking if you fancy him because is he's been gossiping with your colleagues is the height of maturity? Ok then.

You should be embarrassed and ashamed, that you apparently don’t have any self control or decency to pull yourself away.

@SilverIvyRing can we not start that yawn fest. I'm 29 and call them boys and call people around me girls. People speak differently. Get over it.

OP, you know what you are doing is wrong. I've been there and three years down the line I wish I'd never set eyes on them. The posters are right. You are being used for an ego boost.

@CakeRequired

You're an idiot. Your colleagues are all gossiping about you fancying an older, married colleague. He's now using you as an ego boost. If you wanted a career in that industry, I'd start looking for new jobs as it will never happen there now. You're seen as the office whore now unfortunately.

How do you think your other colleague found out about the older one talking to you? He told him! Wake up woman.

The office whore in 1925, maybe.

You know exactly what you're doing.

You did exactly what my ex friend did. Flattery and ego boosting for the man.

Get some self respect.

'Office Whore' is exactly how those men see you, I wouldnt be surprised to find out that they have a bet as to who gets to shag you first.

Time to grow up I'm afraid, they are laughing at you!

@PicsInRed

You're a little trouble maker. I think you know exactly what you're doing and I'll bet you've given virtually zero thought to the feelings and welfare of his wife and kids neither has he as he's a complete loser.

Yup, it’s definitely no coincidence that OP chose the office gossip to “confide” in that she fancied this bloke.

I’m not buying the innocent, doe eyed act either - OP instigated this & it’s pretty damn obvious what her intentions are by her refusal to block him. I don’t believe she’s posting for advice either (she knows what to do & it’s not difficult) instead she’s here to brag about a married man being oh so attracted to her. As well as getting her ego boosted by this guy, she’s getting her ego boosted by this thread too. It’s no coincidence that she‘s come to a forum with a high number of women who’ve been cheated on, to ask them to hold her hand. I expect there’ll be many angst laden updates too.

Get a grip.
You're acting like a 12y.o of course he is flattered a 24y.o wants him for a quick one.

He's messaged this morning. I've just ignored. Thank you for your messages

@Tinkity he isn't the office gossip though? Or at least he wasn't until recently. I have spoken to this colleague before in confidence about personal problems at home for example my mum being unwell and my ex being abusive to me when we were together and this information was never passed around the office.