Talking/flirting with a married man. I know it's wrong

[Greyandwhite]

I know I'm a horrible person and I expect to be completely flamed for posting this

I'm not even sure how it got started. We met in work over a month ago, got chatting, had a bit of a laugh but I noticed the wedding ring and that was that. I'm 24 and he's 37. Was talking to another male colleague a few days later and the topic came up, I told him I thought he was attractive but knew he was married. Told him in confidence so didn't really expect him to say anything as I knew nothing could ever happen but I guess men gossip to...

This was over a month ago now and I haven't seen him since we first met. I'd not even given it a second thought until last night when he requested to follow me on Facebook out of the blue. I thought nothing of it as I do have a lot of work colleagues on Facebook so saw nothing wrong with accepting him but certainly didn't expect him to message me or make any contact. Well, he has tonight. Made a lot of comments about how he's flattered "someone like me??" would find him attractive etc and asking "if I like him?" and "what have I been saying about him?" I asked him if he was married, he said yes but is still continuing to message and be flirty/cheeky.

I have to admit, I am enjoying the attention and we are having a laugh, talking about random stuff but I know it's completely wrong and so inappropriate. Just spoke to the other colleague about it (the one who told him) and he's confirmed that he finds me very attractive etc.

Just give me a kick up the arse, I'm not a slag. This isn't me, I know it's wrong. I would be heartbroken if this was my husband/partner. I know there is no excuse for doing something like this

A 37 year old married colleague friending me on FB purely to ask me exactly how attractive I found him, pump me desperately for more compliments on his good looks and charm, and generally make it plain he was all about the ego boost, would make me cringe so violently I would turn inside out.

And that Greyandwhite is called leaving the door open and enjoying the attention. You just close it down, politely. That’s what real women with self respect do.

You shouldn't have told your other colleague you were attracted to this man. He obviously now thinks he's in with a chance. And your flirting will only confirm this. Unless you want an affair you need to put him in the picture without delay. That is no you aren't interested in married men.

@21833efb

You know what you're doing is wrong and where it will lead. Stop doing it. Stop chatting to him. If you must chat to him, keep it professional.

Do you really want to be the reason for the break up of his marriage?

Forgot to say, if he's senior to you then you're definitely asking for trouble. You could even end up losing your job over this if it develops into anything more.

Get some self respect, keep it purely professional and don't give yourself a reputation of being the office bike.

I was 24 once and still had a lot of growing up to do - as do you.

You can try to convince yourself that you did not think it would get back to him that you think he's attractive. Or that you didn't think it was a problem to add him on FB .
But you are a liar . Pathetic that this is the behaviour you find OK. Just have some decency and stop this nonsense.

@Stillfunny I honestly didn't think it would get back to him. I've confided in this colleague before about personal stuff and vice versa and it's never been passed on around the office.

Yawn.

I've confided in this colleague before about personal stuff and vice versa and it's never been passed on around the office

Of course it has, you bloody muppet

Aside from the fact that is guy is enjoying an ego boost, this is embarrassingly unprofessional. I would cringe at the thought of my coworkers or boss gossiping about my personal life, grim.

@AnyFucker well if they have then it wouldn't have been anything interesting to hear lol

You'll come out of it looking worse. The junior, female staff member is often the one seen as the home wrecker who tempted the married colleague.

Ditch it before you get yourself a bad reputation and get blamed for him ruining his marriage.

Oh sweetie. Don’t move from a relationship with an abusive arsehole to a relationship with someone who is also a total arsehole but hides it with a layer of charm.

You are worth more than this. You don’t need this man. Get some counselling and learn how to value yourself higher than accepting dregs of flattery and attention from a lying shitbag.

How do you think his wife would feel if she knew that he'd asked you to contact him in the morning?
Have a word with yourself and think on.

Honestly if you keep this going you will destroy not only your life but his wife's life and their children's lives if he has any.
No good will come from this

OMG he really likes you! I’m so excited for you @Greyandwhite
What will you wear on Monday? you need to look so cute - make sure you message him tomorrow. First thing.

Seriously it’s really childish and needy

Thank you so much @reader12 for your really kind words

Dont indulge him.. be the woman he couldnt get.. be a real woman.. dont be the butt of gossip.. hold ur head up high and respect urself and ur decisions

Someone who can be that disrespectful to his wife is NOT a nice person and not someone you would want to get involved in! Remind yourself you’re better than this, delete him on Facebook and maintain a professional relationship!

@Greyandwhite Seriously back right off of him. He's using you as an ego boost nothing more! If you carry on this flirtation with him and it leads to an affair/fling it will backfire and end in tears and they will be yours and but mostly his family. Do you really want it on your conscience that you and him caused utter devastation to his family? Not only that you work with him. Stay polite but professional and keep your distance from him, speak to him only if you have to and only about work. If he tries to over step make it clear you're not interested because he's married. Start putting up professional boundaries and be firm!

You're not a horrible person. You're a young woman who has made a personal and professional mistake. Your attentions are now being hoovered up by a dick of a man keen to have his ego stroked, and the feelings are exciting...

You're young, you've come out of an abusive relationship, and you are looking for love in all the wrong places. I really do hope you find better than this. These types of men will make mincemeat of you, otherwise.

Delete and block both him and the colleague who betrayed your confidence. Both of them are sleazes that you don’t need in your life.
And have a think about your relationships with colleagues. They are not really people to be confiding in. I’d be really cross with your confidante. He has put you in a really awkward position where you feel like you have to be nice to someone more senior to you. He does not have your best interests at heart.

Plus HR would have a field day with all 3 of you

Just because someone at work is friendly doesn’t mean they are a real friend. Have a think about what boundaries you can establish to avoid this situation again

'I'm not a slag'. Maybe not but you sure are from another decade using language like that.

He's just using you but I'm sure you'll find this out the hard way.

@Greyandwhite

We've been talking for the last two hours which I know isn't normal or just a normal friendly chat

He's grooming you for sex. That is all.

Yabu... You desperate girl

OP, if there is any small part of you that is thinking this might be your love story... STOP. Men like this rarely leave the wife for the mistress (which is what you will become if you pursue this) and even if he did, is that really what you want? So much damage would be done to everyone involved, and the OW is ALWAYS the one who comes out of it despised and distrusted by all. Depending on what field you're in, your professional reputation could be trashed. Don't do this to yourself.