Talking/flirting with a married man. I know it's wrong

[Greyandwhite]

I know I'm a horrible person and I expect to be completely flamed for posting this

I'm not even sure how it got started. We met in work over a month ago, got chatting, had a bit of a laugh but I noticed the wedding ring and that was that. I'm 24 and he's 37. Was talking to another male colleague a few days later and the topic came up, I told him I thought he was attractive but knew he was married. Told him in confidence so didn't really expect him to say anything as I knew nothing could ever happen but I guess men gossip to...

This was over a month ago now and I haven't seen him since we first met. I'd not even given it a second thought until last night when he requested to follow me on Facebook out of the blue. I thought nothing of it as I do have a lot of work colleagues on Facebook so saw nothing wrong with accepting him but certainly didn't expect him to message me or make any contact. Well, he has tonight. Made a lot of comments about how he's flattered "someone like me??" would find him attractive etc and asking "if I like him?" and "what have I been saying about him?" I asked him if he was married, he said yes but is still continuing to message and be flirty/cheeky.

I have to admit, I am enjoying the attention and we are having a laugh, talking about random stuff but I know it's completely wrong and so inappropriate. Just spoke to the other colleague about it (the one who told him) and he's confirmed that he finds me very attractive etc.

Just give me a kick up the arse, I'm not a slag. This isn't me, I know it's wrong. I would be heartbroken if this was my husband/partner. I know there is no excuse for doing something like this

Definitely block him. I recently had a senior colleague approach me in a similar way and I was momentarily flattered by the attention but as PP have said it is just a fantasy for him and you could be anyone. Block him and he will. It pursue it - will just look for another fantasy figure.

Op just thank your lucky stars there is no Christmas party. All eyes would have been on you two.

I think people are unjustifiably harsh on OP on this thread.

"He who is without sin can cast the first stone at her"

She didn't even commit adultery, all she can be accused of is flirting with a married man. She realized this is wrong, that's why she came on here.

@hotpotlover the married man isn't here, the OP is, or trust me he would be having his arse handed to him as well.

Also if there is an uncomfortable situation at work you have more protection if you have blocked him.

At the moment the narrative is that you initiated this situation by telling one colleague you fancied the other. You then willingly engaged in flirtation last night. Any further interactions between you will look consensual and any complaint by you like a woman scorned.

If you block him now and he continues to try to engage with you by other means, you made a silly naive error by speaking to the colleague, realised things had got out of control after last nights messages and sent a clear message that this was not welcome. Anything he does after that would be sexual harassment and any backlash would be actionable sexual discrimination.

My husband and a younger female colleague of his started exchanging inappropriate messages and it ruined our marriage. We are still together but its spoiled everything. Just because you are single doesn't mean that you arent doing anything wrong. We all owe it to each other to behave properly. You need to stop this now. His poor wife.

Oh do fuck off. ‘I know it’s wrong, but ...’ you’re caught up in the drama. He shouldn’t be contacting you like this, but you’re clearly so damn attractive that he can’t help himself... my ex BIL met someone and then the affair began over FB. He was a cheating scumbag, but I also hold the OW partially responsible as she knew he was married with preschool DC, but willingly flirted along ... flirty FB messages turned into flirty phonecalls, then meet ups ... get over yourself.

He's treating you like a cheap slag , a bit on the side. How "flattering" is that?

Worse, another male work colleague knows you're messing with a married man and is egging you both on. He thinks you're a slag too.
They probably crack jokes and bets about you. Sooner or later, the joke gets around, everyone thinks you're the office bike, and his wife finds out.

Messing with older married man AT WORK is just a disaster in the making.

Have some self respect. Shut it down politely while you still can.

Oh - he was 36 and she was 22. DSis found out end ended the marriage ... BIL admitted he never wanted to ‘be with’ the OW, he just saw her as an occasional shag. Lovely.

I think I'd just unfriend him OP. As your paths will cross at work and it will already be awkward enough!
He'll get the message.
You dont need to explain yourself.

It's lockdown, you are bored and it's a bit of excitement for him. He's acting like a prat.

But stick to radio silence with him from now on. No more messaging.

When the gossipy colleague asks what's going on, as he no doubt will, shut it down firmly. '"Oh i've got nothing to say so havent replied to him. It was making me feel uncomfortable." then move the conversation on every
single time its brought up from now on. Be very careful with anything you say to this colleague from now on. You sound naive and he is a troublemaker, as nice as he may appear.

When you are back in work make sure you aren't drawn into any intimate 'little chats' and actively avoid him as much as possible.

Work on your self esteem and enjoy your freedom.

@Greyandwhite

He's messaged this morning. I've just ignored. Thank you for your messages

You think its all gone away? Watch out for the knowing winks, double entendres, sniggers from colleagues.

It’s still super early you can nip this in the bud with now harm done- which is 100% what you should do.
Also get some self respect and grow the fuck up

Block, ignore and have some self respect.

Sorry if that’s harsh but I speak as the DD of a man who had an affair with a younger work colleague and it destroyed my childhood. I still have zero respect for my DF 35 years later because if it.

Just walk away.

@Lollyneenah

To add as well- look how it's all playing out for dominic west and the young lady he was papped arising about with. He's been smugging around making an old fool of himself, his wife is clearly humiliated but got a fuck off castle to be cross in.. and the girl iiis.. no where. Had to cancel all her press engagements, will lose work for cancelling and other actors wives not wanting her around, sat in her flat all day with the internet calling her a slag etc etc. I'm not saying it's right, but it is what happens

And Vernon Kaye... he's at peak popularity again on I'm a Celeb right now after his sexting scandal. Beautiful talented wife stood by him, lovely family. Rhian Sugden's career completely tanked after that, she says she never got any decent work again. It's not fair but the woman is always blamed!

I imagine OP won't be back..

@2bazookas will you stop making things u?

Doesnt the desperation make you vom though?

Hen you are worth a lot more than sloppy seconds.

You have been through abuse before and unfortunately that can leave you open to further abuse, as you may not have a solid understanding of what a health relationship looks like.

This sleaze bag hasn't got good intentions for you.. this is purely about his ego. You are to young to waste your time on being second best... this road will only end in terrible pain for everyone. This 2 min flattering can be intoxicating, but is it worth the hurt you will cause his wife? You professional reputation? Your self respect and dignity?

I recommend do the 'freedom program', it's enables you to see what a healthy relationship looks like.. it allowed me to trust my own judgment and see red flags. Also put strong boundaries in place.

Walk away now! I put yourself first.. believe you will

I imagine OP won't be back
Maybe not. I suspect in a few weeks she may post another thread "my disaster affair at work"

Please don't engage any more with him, this is how my ex husbands affair started younger women at work, messages, flirting and he fell hook line and sinker. Being on the other side as his wife with his three children I can't tell you enough how heart breaking it was and still is for us it ripped our marriage apart, the children swing between two different houses and hate it.
Please please please don't go any further with this as you too will also get hurt. Not saying you are a 'slag' as others have put but you will always been seen as the women that broke up that marriage. It won't work out and you will be left with the guilt. Step as side and don't go there I beg you

Don't be a dickhead op, block and ignore....him, you know being MARRIED, messaging you the way he is should've made your fanny clamp shut

@EmeraldShamrock

I imagine OP won't be back Maybe not. I suspect in a few weeks she may post another thread "my disaster affair at work"

Or she won't be back because she got such a kicking from what should be a supportive site.

@edersonsSmileyTattoo
Just wanna say I love your user name

Why would a forum aimed at mothers be a supportive place for an unmarried childless woman trying to kindle an affair with a married man with children

Or she won't be back because she got such a kicking from what should be a supportive site.

Seems to me she received extremely good advice.