Talking/flirting with a married man. I know it's wrong

[Greyandwhite]

I know I'm a horrible person and I expect to be completely flamed for posting this

I'm not even sure how it got started. We met in work over a month ago, got chatting, had a bit of a laugh but I noticed the wedding ring and that was that. I'm 24 and he's 37. Was talking to another male colleague a few days later and the topic came up, I told him I thought he was attractive but knew he was married. Told him in confidence so didn't really expect him to say anything as I knew nothing could ever happen but I guess men gossip to...

This was over a month ago now and I haven't seen him since we first met. I'd not even given it a second thought until last night when he requested to follow me on Facebook out of the blue. I thought nothing of it as I do have a lot of work colleagues on Facebook so saw nothing wrong with accepting him but certainly didn't expect him to message me or make any contact. Well, he has tonight. Made a lot of comments about how he's flattered "someone like me??" would find him attractive etc and asking "if I like him?" and "what have I been saying about him?" I asked him if he was married, he said yes but is still continuing to message and be flirty/cheeky.

I have to admit, I am enjoying the attention and we are having a laugh, talking about random stuff but I know it's completely wrong and so inappropriate. Just spoke to the other colleague about it (the one who told him) and he's confirmed that he finds me very attractive etc.

Just give me a kick up the arse, I'm not a slag. This isn't me, I know it's wrong. I would be heartbroken if this was my husband/partner. I know there is no excuse for doing something like this

And I agree with other posters, definitely send a polite but firm final message and then unfriend him. Otherwise you’re leaving the door open and still playing the game, and he could reasonably assume you that you now want him to try harder, but he’ll eventually get you into bed. Don’t leave this open.

And the I'll ignore his messages line, you've no intention of ignoring them, because you're loving it!

Which is sad and you need to sort your life out.

@Bookworming I have ignored him. He messaged early this morning and I haven't responded and don't plan to either. Please read the recent updates before accusing me.

@Lollyneenah that’s a really good point. Everyone will judge you based on what you do next, and it will backfire on you in multiple ways. His ego trip is not worth sabotaging your career for!

You need to move on from this while you can still salvage some sort of office relationship. Switch to bright and breezy with him in the office, no time for long chats, no contact outside of work. Be busy at the weekends and mention dates you have been on.

[quote Greyandwhite]@Bookworming I have ignored him. He messaged early this morning and I haven't responded and don't plan to either. Please read the recent updates before accusing me. [/quote]
Yeah and it's still the morning and you're still chatting about him like a breathless little girl.

Honestly, work on your self-esteem/make friends/get a hobby/try online dating.

There are many things you could be doing with your time other than this.

This is why I am not buying it OP. Block and unfriend.

Using the awkward line is absolute bollocks and you know it.

You might want to kid yourself but there are very many on here older and wiser who can see that you are kidding no one.

Lolz. If ignoring his messages might make it awkward at work imagine what putting his cock in your mouth in a rainy car Park will do...

If blocking him is so awkward you could always shock horror come off Facebook completely for a few months. After all you’ve demonstrated to us all that you really aren’t old enough to be able to use it without getting yourself into vulnerable situations!

@EggBobbin 🤣

@WorraLiberty I'm just responding to the other posters. I'm not sure why you've assumed I don't have any friends or hobbies? I do.
It's Sunday, I've been working all week and I've chosen to have a lazy day in the house before I go back to work tomorrow.

He messaged at 8:30 this morning, if I was going to respond I would have at the time. I'm really not interested.

He messaged at 8:30 this morning, if I was going to respond I would have at the time. I'm really not interested.

Well block him then!

So why post about it?

Replies not going your way?

Because if you had friends or hobbies, why would you be blurting all this out and making such a fuss on a parenting website?

Seriously, ask yourself that.

@EggBobbin 😂😂😂

I think the problem is OP, if you had no intention of encouraging this, you’d send one of the messages and block him.

If she wasn’t interested she wouldn’t have gone back to gossipy man last night to ask whether married man fancied her. She’s clearly up for it all and has created quite the workplace drama for herself already. Even without the wet carpark scenario

You're loving it OP! Remember who he will be with on Christmas Day..... his wife!

You might get a quick message if you're lucky, that'll be just to keep you sweet.

8.30 in the morning ... you are most likely being used to make the morning drudgery of getting up with young children a little more exciting .

Everybody at work will know ... your colleagues hardly been able to keep what you said discreet. Nobody is going to come up to and say they know , you are the office gossip.

Seriously you need to pick up your self worth off the floor .

You've ruined a perfectly good working environment for yourself . You've crossed a line with the messaging and you will not be able to go back to how it was before .

You'll always be seen as someone who is not to be trusted in the workplace .

Grow the fuck up. Seriously.

You will end up hurt. These situations don't have happy endings. When he leaves his wife for you and you see yourself as the 'winner', you will quickly realise she won and you lost as everytime he gets his phone out, you'll be scared about who he's messaging. why would you want that for yourself? A man who cheats and lies.

Fingers get burnt when you play with fire.

@EggBobbin

@LEELULUMPKIN not at all, I'm sure I said in my op that I expected to be flamed for posting this and I don't expect any sympathy. I know what I did was wrong and I don't feel proud of it all. I haven't tried to make excuses to justify what I did but I have already said I won't be engaging with him any further.

@WorraLiberty I posted this last night, when it was happening and I've realised it was an awful thing to do and I've chosen to ignore him. It's over now and I don't think arguing with a bunch of strangers on a website will help either (I've already agreed with you all that it was a disgusting thing to do).

I don't think choosing to go on a dating website right now will help me. I need to work on myself and most of the time I actually enjoy my own company. I've recently started going to the gym again and I'm going to put all of my energy into that when I'm not spending time with family/friends or at work.

Thank you all for your advice.

Op has to work in the same place as this chancer and the indiscrete coworker, maybe not a great idea to block or send "you're a shit to your wife, stop messaging me" message .... I'd just do what she's doing; don't reply or take ages to reply and do so very neutrally. A good idea might be to tell Mr loose lips affair broker that a guy you were involved in has gotten back in touch and you're keen on him - mini.sl detail, just that you're focused on some other bloke.

That'll make married guy go sniffing elsewhere.

To add as well- look how it's all playing out for dominic west and the young lady he was papped
arising about with.
He's been smugging around making an old fool of himself, his wife is clearly humiliated but got a fuck off castle to be cross in.. and the girl iiis.. no where. Had to cancel all her press engagements, will lose work for cancelling and other actors wives not wanting her around, sat in her flat all day with the internet calling her a slag etc etc.
I'm not saying it's right, but it is what happens

Well done OP for ignoring his message. No need for it to be awkward. When you see him next, a bright cheery 'hi' and then say nothing else. Act as if nothing has happened.

Again, well done babe. Don't know if he has kids but, if so, just think to yourself 'he wants to kiss me with the same lips he kisses his kids goodnight with...eurgh..