To have sent this text?

[ZebraStripez]

My mum (approaching 80, poor health) is our bubble. I’ve told DH repeatedly that my mum and I won’t be socialising till we’re vaccinated. But his family are discussing us coming for Christmas and saying they’re going to drop in on us and he’s not telling them no.

So I texted that we’re my mums support bubble and she’s too vulnerable to risk socialising before she’s vaccinated, and also I’m nervous about my own health because I have several risk factors. We haven’t been out since March so we plan to continue isolating until we’re vaccinated. Perhaps DH is planning a socially distanced visit by himself over Christmas.

All hell has kicked off. MIL has left the conversation and blocked me. Everyone else has stopped replying. DH is furious at me for sending such a nasty text and being selfish because I don’t want to see them.

AIBU? I genuinely don’t know. The text sounds fine to me but I don’t trust my own judgement based on how everyone else has kicked off. DH insists he’s shown my text to “everyone at work” and they’ve all said how horrible it is so that proves I’m nasty.

DH problem. Big one.

Of course your unwell, elderly mum should be able to continue to isolate in her bubble.

It doesn't sound nasty to me, just sensible. How did you word the text?

I think it depends on the wording you used in the message (and not the paraphrased version) ....

They all sound horrible and selfish. Also why would your DP show his colleagues the text to prove how horrible you are?! What an immature bully!
Enjoy a nice Christmas with your mum and hopefully your DP and in-laws have Christmas together

They are being totally unreasonable.

It depends how you worded the text. I can’t imagine your entire DH’s family and his workforce would say you were nasty and selfish if you’d conveyed the message as you say you did?

Your DH's family are being awful to insist they will drop in and not give you a choice. It's absolutely fine to have taken the decision you have. DH is a tool to show his colleagues a message you sent. He sounds about 12.

Can you share exactly what was written? I always struggle to write stuff like that- tend to sound PA even if I don't intend to - wondering if that's what's happened.

Your dh needs to grow up.
Showing all his work colleagues! He's either lying or a knob. My dh would never air family squabbles at work.

Just stick to your guns and point out that they can all do what they want in their homes and you'll do what you want in yours.

Well it depends how you worded the text... how can any of us opine on whether it was nasty or not?

You’ve deliberately not posted the text itself OP despite asking opinions on the text which leads me to believe the text was unreasonable and you know it.

It depends how you worded it...

I'm sorry I'd love to see you all but I'm shielding and can't take the risk of catching covid or passing it on to my mum, maybe we could go a socially distanted walk instead?

Vs

Why have you arranged to come round, are you trying to kill me???

You've done the right thing. People have to respect each other's decisions at the moment, whether they agree with them or not!
Send DH to his mum's for Christmas and have a quiet one with your's!

Sounds like a huge overreaction on the basis of what you’ve said, but lots depends on the actual wording used.

Also if your husband was arranging it, why didnt you just ask him to unarrange it?

I guess it depends exactly what you said and how it might have been taken. Has your DH seen his family at all since March? Are they maybe getting a bit emotional and frustrated? I can see your point of view but can also see your DH's to some extent.

That’s pretty much word for word what I texted. “We’re my mums support bubble, she’s literally a few weeks from getting the vaccine and she’s too vulnerable to risk socialising before she’s vaccinated. Also I’m nervous about my own health because I have several risk factors. We haven’t been out since March so we plan to continue isolating over Christmas. I don’t know if DH is planning a socially distanced visit by himself, you’ll have to ask him”.

Is it nasty? I tend to be very straighforward and blunt so I don’t always realise when I’m being rude.

The worst thing here is your DH’s behaviour. He really doesn’t have your back in any way. Showing your text to his work colleagues is completely out of order; he’s showing himself to be an immature bully.

Obviously your MIL is out of order, too, but your DH is the one who should have your back.

I can’t see anything wrong with your text; it makes a lot of sense for your DH to pay a socially distanced visit to his parents at Christmas in the current circumstances, especially considering your DM’s vulnerabilities and yours.

Hmm, until we know the wording of the text I’m not so sure.
We have a vague family member who is being very isolationist (admittedly not very old/no health stuff) and my reaction is I think they’re a bit of a knob and actually genuinely don’t like socialising with our family so potentially you could have offended your husbands family

by his reaction alone... it sounds like your DH was the motivation behind the Christmas gathering ....

The reaction of the family is not proportionate to what was Texted ... blocking is not a rational response which makes me believe your husband was more the organiser than you have been led to believe 🌺

Health Family Work....

I’ve just read your message - I think it sounds snippy

Seems fine to me. Straight to the point but nothing rude or insulting.
Some people just can't see things from the other side, or are just selfish/self-centred.

Does your DH go to work? Did he show them remotely? Honestly, I think you are right to shield your mum, you are both very close to getting the vaccine. Why risk it now. However, it sounds as if your DH is missing his family and they are missing him. Your MIL hasn't seen him for 9 months and I assume she is elderly.
Make it work so that your DH can socialise with his family now. If that means he quarantines in your home for 14 days while you live with your mum over Christmas. There's no point trying for a normal Christmas with your DH. You have had lots of his company anyway. Time to suck it up and let him see his.

I would read your message as a little bit snappy too, but it wouldn't be nearly in the realms of something I would kick off or block you over. Massive overreaction I would say.

It's not a rude message at all. It lacks that self-depreciating faux apologetic British air, which is probably why they are saying it's rude.

It isn't.

Sounds cold to me.