To have sent this text?

[ZebraStripez]

My mum (approaching 80, poor health) is our bubble. I’ve told DH repeatedly that my mum and I won’t be socialising till we’re vaccinated. But his family are discussing us coming for Christmas and saying they’re going to drop in on us and he’s not telling them no.

So I texted that we’re my mums support bubble and she’s too vulnerable to risk socialising before she’s vaccinated, and also I’m nervous about my own health because I have several risk factors. We haven’t been out since March so we plan to continue isolating until we’re vaccinated. Perhaps DH is planning a socially distanced visit by himself over Christmas.

All hell has kicked off. MIL has left the conversation and blocked me. Everyone else has stopped replying. DH is furious at me for sending such a nasty text and being selfish because I don’t want to see them.

AIBU? I genuinely don’t know. The text sounds fine to me but I don’t trust my own judgement based on how everyone else has kicked off. DH insists he’s shown my text to “everyone at work” and they’ve all said how horrible it is so that proves I’m nasty.

YANBU

Your text wasn’t rude, it was clear and to the point. The thing about texts though is you can’t hear tone so it’s easy to sometimes assume a tone that isn’t there or is incorrect so his family knowing you have assumed that you’re being cold to cause offence because it doesn’t meet what they wanted. I think the main reason your husband is upset is because you unintentionally called him out. Who knows what he has said to his family (if anything) and you have texted what you know so far and your plans.

I also agree that you shouldn’t be doing the work that your husband should be doing in concerns with his family. They are probably blaming you for not doing it when it’s his responsibility. He doesn’t make the effort with your family unless he wants childcare or his own so that’s his issue not yours and he’s being enabled by others. I definitely agree that your mother is an adult and it is up to her to say no when it comes to childcare.

Your in-laws can be in a huff if they want but they are being very unreasonable to do so because they want their way and rather have you risk your mother over a holiday.

My father is in his late 50s, a key worker (works in a medical clinic) and had covid and luckily despite his health issues he had a very mild case. A classmate of mine in her early 30s has Covid and is currently in the hospital and another classmate is at home with it and isn’t feeling great either. You just don’t know what severity you will get and it’s not worth the risk and definitely not for an 85 year old woman.

Your MILleft the conversation and bl9cked you?! Soubds like she has a mental age of 14!

YANBU at all, and your DH is an arsewipe.

Sorry for typos!

Your text sounds fine and it’s exactly how I would have worded it. This year has been shit for people and I’m not surprised DH wants to see his family. Is there an option that he could spend a few days with them and you with your mum?

@Bluntness100

Your posts on this thread have annoyed me. You’ve presented so many comments of yours as absolute fact when they are anything but. I asked you a question earlier in this thread and you have as yet failed to answer or purposely ignored it. So I’ll ask again.

Where did you read that the covid virus, when on a surface, is “killed” when it’s touched?

By the was, it isn’t the “hesinberg” study...

Bluntness100

That is utter rubbish. Where do you get your facts from? Do you watch a lot of youtube?

Honestly, you are absolutely crackers.

Op says ‘when would I have time to myself if I didn’t take a day at a weekend?!’

My mind is blown. I literally don’t know a single mother who has an entire day to herself at a weekend. Isn’t not having time to yourself kind of the deal when you have young kids?

I’m late to the thread but I like your text. Straight to the point, fair and clear. No messing about or room for misinterpretation.

The opposite of a passive aggressive text which I bloody hate. Your MIL has shown her true colours.

There are so many issues here: your DH isn't pulling his weight; he isn't treating you or your children well; you definitely seem cold; he's probably feeling very controlled after all these months; gaming (I just wouldn't put up with it); lack of communication or warmth; your mum being used isn't right; you seem very paranoid and are making yourself even more anxious bleaching groceries and worrying about post; we need to live, we can't survive in a house until a vaccine is approved.

So many of us are at risk every day- my job is really risky- I've had Covid and you cope, despite having a vulnerable DC you just cope. Not even going for a SD walk is really, really paranoid.

[quote ripples101]**@Bluntness100

Your posts on this thread have annoyed me. You’ve presented so many comments of yours as absolute fact when they are anything but. I asked you a question earlier in this thread and you have as yet failed to answer or purposely ignored it. So I’ll ask again.

Where did you read that the covid virus, when on a surface, is “killed” when it’s touched?

By the was, it isn’t the “hesinberg” study...[/quote]
With respect, this thread has several hundred replies and yours could very easily have been overlooked. @Bluntness100 isn't the OP and isn't required to respond to people. You thinking that you're entitled to a reply from someone is just as bad as presenting opinions as facts (which OP has been applauded for).

Bit late to join in, but if they have not seen their son since March, and you are in a bubble with your mum, surely they can have one visit? You could wear masks and sit apart, I have only seen my adult children once this year, but we needed to meet up.

What did OP decide to do ? anyone know ?