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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that watching violent films with baby is wrong?

206 replies

foodster · 26/11/2020 20:38

I'm on maternity leave at the moment, our baby is 4 months old.

I take care of the baby during the day and my partner takes care of him when he comes home from work.

I take the evening hours to relax ( like taking a bath etc) as I still have a lot of postnatal health issues after the birth.

My partner is a very good dad, but he likes to sit on the floor, put the baby on his legs in his snuggleme cushion gently swaying him while he watches Samurai or Zombie films on Netflix. These films are all age 18 and I don't like them. He insists that he likes them and needs the films to wind down after a long day at work. He says the baby doesn't understand what's happening in the films.

I know our baby doesn't consciously understand what's happening in the films. Our son is quite fascinated by the lights on the screen and I worry that the grim content might influence him on a subconscious level.

AIBU to think it's inappropriate to watch these films when taking care of the baby?

OP posts:
whopooedinthepyrex · 27/11/2020 08:36

This thread is gloriously, full on MN bonkers.

I would be more worried that your partner says that he needs to watch these films.

He doesn't "need" to watch them. He chooses to watch them.

DougRossIsTheBoss · 27/11/2020 08:38

I wouldn't be worried about a tiny baby but wouldn't be happy if it stays a habit later

I would watch TV of an evening whilst breastfeeding DD in the early days. So I thought nothing of it when she was a bit older and woke in the evening whilst I was watching a crime drama. I didn't want to stop watching so I thought I'd bring her down and cuddle her on the sofa Can't recall how old she was exactly but clearly old enough to talk as she craned her head round to watch and shouted 'ketchup' as a puddle of blood formed around a characters head.
CBeebies only after that...

Iremembertheelderlykoreanlady · 27/11/2020 08:44

This thread is hilarious! Comedy gold.

I watched walking dead and Dexter during my maternity leave interspersed with generous helpings of Jeremy Kyle.

I actually only stopped watching Jeremy Kyle when DS piped up "not Jerry Kyle mummy....too shouty!" So he was probably about 2. He is yet to ask me for a lie detector or a DNA test though so it's probably fine

CandyLeBonBon · 27/11/2020 10:48

[quote Lucylaine]@CandyLeBonBon

Spooky spoon!! Oh you've taken me back, my son (now nearly 13 and perfectly normal) was terrified by that bitch. More so than any 18 film I watched while breastfeeding him at 4 months old. That and the meerkats from the compare the market ads, they screwed him up[/quote]
That's hilarious! 😂

Crystal90567 · 27/11/2020 11:08

A friend of mine adopted her DD. DD had been raised age 0 to 1 in a house full of sounds of despair, anger, screaming etc (like pps precious tv shows).
She's actually been very affected by it. Babies are affected by their environment.

EmilySpinach · 27/11/2020 11:16

If your friend’s DD’s birth mother was in an unsafe environment then sadly the damage will have started in utero. It is really not comparable to a secure, well-cared-for baby being in the same room as adult tv shows and I truly can’t quite believe that you would try to suggest as much.

LouJ85 · 27/11/2020 13:54

@EmilySpinach

We watched most of Breaking Bad when DD was tiny. I’ve never seen her try to cook meth in her play kitchen.
😂😂
Nosnogginginthekitchen · 27/11/2020 13:56

I watched the whole criminal minds series when DS was tiny. Just tell him to stick headphones on and no harm, no foul.

N0tthe0nlyfruit · 27/11/2020 13:58

YANBU. Tense angry aggressive music and scenes, not good for a baby to hear.

ArtemisBean · 27/11/2020 14:02

I felt guilty watching Midsomer Murders 😂

Whenwillow · 27/11/2020 14:04

I'm with you OP. I wouldn't like my babies or young children hearing the noises of those sort of films.
We know now that even though we don't actively remember things from when we were tiny, our subconscious does, and it can impact on brain development and mental health.
At what point will your DH stop watching that stuff with the baby? How do any of us make the decision that it's upsetting for a small child?

Whenwillow · 27/11/2020 14:05

Sorry I mean how do we know when to make that decision*
I prefer to not expose them to it at all.

LoveandHateWhatABeautifulComb · 27/11/2020 14:05

I worry that the grim content might influence him on a subconscious level

You're going to look back at this and laugh at yourself, wondering how you could have been so daft. Hopefully anyway.

LoveandHateWhatABeautifulComb · 27/11/2020 14:06

friend of mine adopted her DD. DD had been raised age 0 to 1 in a house full of sounds of despair, anger, screaming etc (like pps precious tv shows).She's actually been very affected by it. Babies are affected by their environment

Don't be a prat, it wasn't the tv shows, ffs!

Waspie · 27/11/2020 14:12

I binge watched The Sopranos and ER during my maternity leave. DS is 13 now and hasn't yet shown any psychotic tendencies or desire to become a doctor.

Jizzle · 27/11/2020 14:14

It's quite a common saying on MN, but i think in this case it is very suitable - OP, you need to give your head a wobble.

MoonElk · 27/11/2020 14:18

I watched loads of 18 rayed films while DD was back from the hospital and j was breastfeeding. I'd stick something like Wolf of Wall Street on or sometimes that Supernatural show with the monsters, just chill, let her drink, she'd fall asleep on me while j watched.

Don't think it's an issue until they are really paying attention

OneLinePlease · 27/11/2020 14:33

I was the same.

DD was born at the height of Breaking Bad fever.

But I'd only watch it if she was asleep. Didn't want her seeing violence/gore/angry faces.

Sweettea1 · 27/11/2020 14:52

The baby is not watching it might be looking at the screen but has no clue what's going on. fair enough if it was a toddler but baby will be absolutely fine.

Charlottejade89 · 27/11/2020 16:34

me and dp used to watch horrors while dd layed in her moses basket or cwtched into us, and we've also always done everything in our house at our normal volume, I didn't want her to wake at the slightest sound so she got used to it and now sleeps through anything (she's 2 and half)

OwlBeThere · 27/11/2020 16:37

Yes, I watched silence of the lambs when my baby was small and now he’s in prison for eating people.

VintageTeaRose · 27/11/2020 18:14

"Lucylaine Thu 26-Nov-20 22:27:47
"Go with your gut instinct and stand your ground OP. I think it's horrible"

The baby's father doesn't agree. The OP isn't the boss here. They're equal parents. The baby is with its father then, the father is choosing what to watch. The OP doesn't get to overrule this just because she's the mother."

OP's DP doesn't get to overrule this either just because he's the father and the baby is with its father than Hmm

It's what's best for the baby not OP's DP.

TidyDancer · 27/11/2020 18:51

I watched so much of The Walking Dead while breastfeeding a newborn DD I'm surprised she doesn't think Daryl Dixon is her father (I wish).

This thread is bonkers but hilarious.

JuanNil · 27/11/2020 21:03

I've personally never understood why it's worth the risk. Sure, at 4mo he probably won't be affected too much. But when will he be? What day will he start absorbing things? Will you know when that day is? It's better practice to wean yourself off of the gory movies in DC's early years and get into the habit of not having things like that on around them. I don't think OP is BU.

joybrightnice · 28/11/2020 02:18

I'm sure people know when to stop watching violent or gory films or programmes as a child gets older. Not exactly an addiction. OP is completely overreacting if this thread is even real.