Neighbour told my DS that Father Christmas isn't real

[myneighboursarebellends]

My DS9 is in the same class in school as the DC next door, so me and the neighbour take turns to do the school run in the mornings. We have only lived next door to each other for just over a year and they have been ok aside from a run in over a fence, a tree, and their DC having a stint of being mean to mine in school 🥴 I have been so non-confrontational with all of this stuff because I have to live next door to them and don't want hostile relations with neighbours!

However, today's episode has really crossed a line for me and I need your help to understand if it is reasonable for me to be so fucked off (and to tell me what to do!)

DS has just said to me that on the way to school this morning, dad neighbour told him that Father Christmas isn't real. This is how he says the conversation went:
My DS: will you have elf on the shelf in your house?
Neighbour: no because elf on the shelf is fake. Just like Father Christmas, he doesn't exist.
My DS: yes he does!
Neighbour: no he doesn't. Christmas is about celebrating Jesus' birth, and Father Christmas is just made up.
My DS: well I don't believe in Jesus, so I think he is made up
Neighbour: what do you mean! Jesus created the earth, and all of us.
My DS: well I thought god was supposed to have created the earth

Ok, the whole god and Jesus part isn't so relevant, just relaying what DS said. But aside from telling him Father Christmas isn't real, elf on the shelf isn't real, and telling him he has to believe in Jesus, the man isn't even Catholic/Christian anyway. His wife is though (non practicing) and their family celebrate Christmas with presents and a tree and big fucking flashing Christmas lights on the outside of the house.

How DARE he tell someone else's child that Father Christmas doesn't exist! Who does that? I don't feel like I can let this go without saying something but I feel as if I need to balance my response being mindful that I have to continue to live next door to them! I don't really want to continue with the lift sharing but I am imagining the awkwardness of us bundling the DC into our own cars every morning whilst avoiding eye contact and then again at the other end!!

NB: yes, I know elf on the shelf is a pain in the arse and I wish I had never started doing it in the first place but I'm stuck with him now.

If your 9 year old still really believed in Father Christmas then I’d say you have bigger problems than what the neighbouring child said.

To be honest, I’d be round there. What an awful thing to say to your son. How would he feel if you told his child that Jesus was a load of bollocks?

MaskingForIt

Why?

He’s nine. He likely already knows, and if he genuinely doesn’t, then most of his classmates know and someone will have said something by now.

As for elf on the shelf, if I didn’t know about it from mn I would have no idea what it was so would have presumed it was some kind of marketing ploy - which it is.

It’s no big deal at nine.

I’d be utterly savage and would be having words about him overstepping with other people’s children

Sorry they’re so fookin awful (love the username bytw). Our neighbours are the opposite- they still ask the girls what Father Christmas is bringing them even though they’re in Secondary school now! Lol.

Defo not unreasonable to be well pissed off at that.

Not very Christian of him to be so nasty either, and if if he was educated enough he would know that both Jesus and Father Christmas (St Nicholas) really existed as historic figures even if you take the religion and magic out of it, so he’s just ignorant.

Feel sorry for his kids with a miserable Father like that.

Try to keep the magic alive as long as possible- they grow up so fast.

Hugs

X

Thing is, Father Christmas doesn’t exist.

Jesus is subjective, but adults as well as children believe in God so it’s not quite the same.

And having just read your second post, now you have good reason to get rid of the elf. win win.

My 9 year old still believes and I won't be telling him anything different until he asks me. I'd be having words OP.

Santa realness aside. He sounds like a bit of an arsehole and was nasty to your son.

9 is old enough to understand that different people believe different things. And that you dont have to adopt their beliefs.

As for FC, well he's going to be hearing a lot of that going forward.

That’s life , if you don’t want your children to hear certain things then you need to be more careful about who you send them out with . From the tone of the conversation you’ve transcribed it doesn’t sound like your son was that fussed as he simply started arguing with an adult about whether Jesus existed .

Just seen th other comments. Mine were 9 (eldest) and 10 (youngest) when they found out too but it wasn’t a nasty neighbour- they just worked it out for themselves as most of their classmates had been told by then, but eldest had a friend who was 12 and still insisted he was real. We were never sure if she was joking or not...

What does having words really achieve though? He’s now been told that FC doesn’t exist, he knows now that FC doesn’t exist. It’s actually worse to tell the DS that the neighbour is lying than to now admit that FC doesn’t exist.

And he’s nine. Most nine year olds genuinely do know that FC doesn’t exist. Most that I knew as children went along with it for their parents’ sake, because the parents still believed that they believed.

The posters who are saying 9 is too old to believe, why? Most of his class still believe. They are only in year 4. This would probably have been his last Christmas of believing. Why should the bloody neighbour take that decision out of my hands?

My DS: well I don't believe in Jesus, so I think he is made up

Sounds like your DS held his own

We've been dialling down the credit for Santa, in light of him having to be more careful this year and said he is only doing the stocking. Our 9 year old knows but does not want to say it in case it spoils Xmas surprises. Time to gently let Santa fade. And for you to take the credit for Al the hard work.

Only on mumsnet would you see a 9 year old child ridiculed for believing in santa

Are you a town/city person or village.

A friend who grew up in a small
village told me she and all her Village Primary friends still believed as late as Y6 and got ridiculed in first yr at town secondary that first Christmas!

@AlternativePerspective
Prove it.

Yes, I get that it's likely he will hear from other children in school that they don't believe in Father Christmas but it's entirely different when a grown adult who isn't the parent makes this comment surely.

Your neighbour sounds like he was being a twit, but at 9 I would not be too fussed. It seems like your son held his own. Though you might tell him that Jesus was a historical person and not imaginary, (as was St Nicholas.)

That’s awful. I’d be knocking on the door and confronting him and asking for an apology. Your poor DS.

That man sounds awful.

I’m a Christian - you can be a Christian and talk about the birth of Jesus and do Father Christmas. Your neighbour is bang out of line.

Key his car

Only on mumsnet would you see a 9 year old child ridiculed for believing in santa I don’t think it’s about ridiculing anyone. But at nine this kind of conversation among classmates really is commonplace. Most nine year olds have figured it out for themselves by then, and nine year olds don’t possess the discretion to keep quiet in front of their mates. Younger siblings is different, but not among other nine year olds. If a nine year old knows it’s not real, then their logic says that others their age must know it’s not real.

If it were a younger child then I would agree that it was wrong, but I think nine is a general age to find out these things.