Neighbour told my DS that Father Christmas isn't real

[myneighboursarebellends]

My DS9 is in the same class in school as the DC next door, so me and the neighbour take turns to do the school run in the mornings. We have only lived next door to each other for just over a year and they have been ok aside from a run in over a fence, a tree, and their DC having a stint of being mean to mine in school 🥴 I have been so non-confrontational with all of this stuff because I have to live next door to them and don't want hostile relations with neighbours!

However, today's episode has really crossed a line for me and I need your help to understand if it is reasonable for me to be so fucked off (and to tell me what to do!)

DS has just said to me that on the way to school this morning, dad neighbour told him that Father Christmas isn't real. This is how he says the conversation went:
My DS: will you have elf on the shelf in your house?
Neighbour: no because elf on the shelf is fake. Just like Father Christmas, he doesn't exist.
My DS: yes he does!
Neighbour: no he doesn't. Christmas is about celebrating Jesus' birth, and Father Christmas is just made up.
My DS: well I don't believe in Jesus, so I think he is made up
Neighbour: what do you mean! Jesus created the earth, and all of us.
My DS: well I thought god was supposed to have created the earth

Ok, the whole god and Jesus part isn't so relevant, just relaying what DS said. But aside from telling him Father Christmas isn't real, elf on the shelf isn't real, and telling him he has to believe in Jesus, the man isn't even Catholic/Christian anyway. His wife is though (non practicing) and their family celebrate Christmas with presents and a tree and big fucking flashing Christmas lights on the outside of the house.

How DARE he tell someone else's child that Father Christmas doesn't exist! Who does that? I don't feel like I can let this go without saying something but I feel as if I need to balance my response being mindful that I have to continue to live next door to them! I don't really want to continue with the lift sharing but I am imagining the awkwardness of us bundling the DC into our own cars every morning whilst avoiding eye contact and then again at the other end!!

Nothing wrong with a 9 year old believing in Santa, I don't understand why everyone is so bothered by this.

Why are kids expected to grow up fast these days?!?!

I'd be cross because it's probably his last year of believing. But I don't think there's anything you can do about it now.

Mine is 8 and she hasn't mentioned the big fella at all this year so I think she's at the stage where she's not sure but doesn't want to voice it just in case 😏 I remember that stage myself.

Hearing it from other kids, fine. Hearing it from an adult, not fine. I'd be having strong words OP

Nothing wrong with a 9 year old believing in Santa, I don't understand why everyone is so bothered by this.

I have come to the conclusion that many people want to zap every ounce of fun out of their child life. Not even just concerning Santa. There are so many miserable people posting on Mumsnet about how they are towards their children. Often very hostile.

Well I am much older than your son and I still believe in Father Christmas so there! 😊

Livid!! If this was a child telling my ds9, I’d be pissed off but would let it go and damage control best I could. But an adult said this?!?!? Wtf!! I’d be fuming. Absolutely steaming about it.

Someone did the same to my dd when she was 5. I said the woman had probably been so naughty when she was little that Father Christmas never came, so no wonder she didn’t believe in him. It worked like a charm.

@flaviaritt

To be honest, I’d be round there. What an awful thing to say to your son. How would he feel if you told his child that Jesus was a load of bollocks?

I would do that though and ask him how he would feel about the above. Twat.

@GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER

Someone did the same to my dd when she was 5. I said the woman had probably been so naughty when she was little that Father Christmas never came, so no wonder she didn’t believe in him. It worked like a charm.

Say this to your son. My teenager still "believes" in Santa as do I!

@flaviaritt

MaskingForIt

Why?

Because it's beyond ridiculous at that age. OP, you are also being extremely precious and need to draw your horns in.

I wonder if it was the elf on the shelf that did it.

I don’t think that a nine year old finding out about Father Christmas is that big a deal, but I wouldn’t purposefully tell a nine year old that. But I wouldn’t be indulging any elf on the shelf rubbish and would almost certainly tell a child that we “don’t do elf on the shelf because I didn’t want to buy one....

And the thought of a lot of apparently competent adults getting their pants in such a pandemonium about this non issue in this thread makes me despair of humanity, just a bit.

Grow up, the lot of you.

Mumsnet always surprises me with how early some kids don't believe... Year 5 and Yr6 near us seems to be time especially for those with no older siblings.

I'm with PPs though... Its not your neighbours place to tell your child that.

My own mum told me Santa didn’t exist when I was 9! 😂 and thank god, I was an otherwise intelligent child, it was getting embarrassing...

But Father Christmas doesn't exist. You're angry with your neighbour for refusing to lie to your child. How bizarre. Can you think of any other area of life where you would actively encourage another adult to be deliberately untruthful with your child? If you want to make up stories with your child and play a make believe game together, that's your choice, but you surely can't expect every other person your child comes into contact with to play along.

I found out when I was 5 and my mother threw a jealous hissy fit because I dared to praise Father Christmas to my grandmother on Boxing Day.... the next month I then told my whole class when I started primary school (this was in Oz, start of school year is in January). Did not make me popular, believe me...my stupid parents hadn't thought to tell me that some kids didn't know. Thanks, idiots...

My mother would probably get on with your neighbour.

@Fink

But Father Christmas doesn't exist. You're angry with your neighbour for refusing to lie to your child. How bizarre. Can you think of any other area of life where you would actively encourage another adult to be deliberately untruthful with your child? If you want to make up stories with your child and play a make believe game together, that's your choice, but you surely can't expect every other person your child comes into contact with to play along.

I mean, it's not like the myth of Father Christmas is particularly unusual or 'bizarre'. I didn't just make it up, millions of parents promote this tradition. And most adults respect it and don't actively ruin it, or it wouldn't exist.

My 9 year old still believes and I'd like to keep it like that a little bit longer as it's all part of the magic and fun of Christmas! Her classmates still believe too.

@Fink

But Father Christmas doesn't exist. You're angry with your neighbour for refusing to lie to your child. How bizarre. Can you think of any other area of life where you would actively encourage another adult to be deliberately untruthful with your child? If you want to make up stories with your child and play a make believe game together, that's your choice, but you surely can't expect every other person your child comes into contact with to play along.

But her DS didnt ask if FC existed, the neighbour introduced that themself.

It's pretty standard when dealing with DC at that age to just go with whatever they think about this as you don't know what they know or don't.

People would be pretty annoyed if I went round telling other people's young children that god or jesus or allah or whatever didn't exist.

@AlternativePerspective

I wonder if it was the elf on the shelf that did it.

I don’t think that a nine year old finding out about Father Christmas is that big a deal, but I wouldn’t purposefully tell a nine year old that. But I wouldn’t be indulging any elf on the shelf rubbish and would almost certainly tell a child that we “don’t do elf on the shelf because I didn’t want to buy one....

That's an interesting point. I've resisted elf on the shelf pretty seriously, despite my kids making a big fuss about wanting one, and I don't think I'd feel the same way about "preserving the magic" for what is essentially a marketing ploy.

But there really wasn't any necessity to bring FC into it.

What a horrible thing to say. When my son was the same age, the woman that ran the after school club told him that Father Christmas wasn’t real. I was absolutely fuming and complained. I would probably say something to him. What a miserable nasty thing to tell a child.

If he were about to go to high school then it would be less of a thing, although that’s obviously a discussion you’d want to have with your child yourself, but to ruin it for a 9 year old is mean spirited.

I am so glad my Mum wasn't like some of the miserable posters on here!

Reading back through the OP though, the neighbour responded to a comment about elf on the shelf and then took it further.

It’s possible that he’s sick of hearing about this elf on the shelf. I would tell a child that was fake, it’s not like FC, FC is a myth that has been around for about a hundred years or so, although the red and white suit is based around Coca Cola, but elf on the shelf is just a money making load of drivel which originated on social media and which some parents apparently now seem to believe they should follow, and then regret starting doing so.

So if you wanted to rectify this OP, I would tell him that elf on the shelf is nonsense, but that if he wants to believe in FC then that’s fine.

@MaskingForIt

If your 9 year old still really believed in Father Christmas then I’d say you have bigger problems than what the neighbouring child said.

What a horrid thing to say. Shame on you. OP, tell your child that the real secret is that he is only real for the people who believe in him. Polar express style. And get a plaque that says “in this house we believe”.

Ds3 firmly believed in Santa until he was 12.5 I told him myself because I thought he might be bullied at secondary school. It was my place to tell him. I’d have been furious if anyone else had done it.

I’d just let them know that you are going to do your own school run from now on as your not happy about the conversation this morning.