Neighbour told my DS that Father Christmas isn't real

[myneighboursarebellends]

My DS9 is in the same class in school as the DC next door, so me and the neighbour take turns to do the school run in the mornings. We have only lived next door to each other for just over a year and they have been ok aside from a run in over a fence, a tree, and their DC having a stint of being mean to mine in school 🥴 I have been so non-confrontational with all of this stuff because I have to live next door to them and don't want hostile relations with neighbours!

However, today's episode has really crossed a line for me and I need your help to understand if it is reasonable for me to be so fucked off (and to tell me what to do!)

DS has just said to me that on the way to school this morning, dad neighbour told him that Father Christmas isn't real. This is how he says the conversation went:
My DS: will you have elf on the shelf in your house?
Neighbour: no because elf on the shelf is fake. Just like Father Christmas, he doesn't exist.
My DS: yes he does!
Neighbour: no he doesn't. Christmas is about celebrating Jesus' birth, and Father Christmas is just made up.
My DS: well I don't believe in Jesus, so I think he is made up
Neighbour: what do you mean! Jesus created the earth, and all of us.
My DS: well I thought god was supposed to have created the earth

Ok, the whole god and Jesus part isn't so relevant, just relaying what DS said. But aside from telling him Father Christmas isn't real, elf on the shelf isn't real, and telling him he has to believe in Jesus, the man isn't even Catholic/Christian anyway. His wife is though (non practicing) and their family celebrate Christmas with presents and a tree and big fucking flashing Christmas lights on the outside of the house.

How DARE he tell someone else's child that Father Christmas doesn't exist! Who does that? I don't feel like I can let this go without saying something but I feel as if I need to balance my response being mindful that I have to continue to live next door to them! I don't really want to continue with the lift sharing but I am imagining the awkwardness of us bundling the DC into our own cars every morning whilst avoiding eye contact and then again at the other end!!

Your sons response is absolutely brilliant.
Ignore posters saying 9 is too old to believe, parents are in such a rush for children to grow up nowadays.
I think my eldest was about 12 when she admitted she didn't believe but I think she knew before. My middle daughter has autism and does, believe totally and youngest is a baby.
Keep the magic alive as long as possible. I don't know that I'd do anything but wouldn't be letting him walk my child to school again, who knows what other childhood magic he'll try and ruin.

Age 9 is not too old to still believe in Santa, and even if it was, the age thing is not the point anyway. It isn't your neighbour's job to tell other people's children that Santa isn't real, or to be telling your son what is right or wrong with regards to your son not sharing his (neighbour's) religious beliefs.I am a Christian but there is no way I would be having a conversation about Jesus with someone else's child. Religion is a very personal thing, and your son was well within his rights to turn around and tell the neighbour that he doesn't believe in Jesus. Someone said earlier that all your son did was basically argue about it, but he just said what he believed, and there is nothing wrong with that at all. The neighbour shouldn't have imposed his religious views if he didn't want them questioned!
I think I would make an excuse about the school run from now on and say that you will not be sharing the task from now on, as you don't feel comfortable with your child receiving RE lessons on the way to school. Tell him you are atheists if it's the case. And make it clear if there is now any further trouble at school, you will be creating one hell of a shit storm.

@myneighboursarebellends

I don't want to do lift shares any more but I also don't want to end up taking the neighbours DCs every day either if I say I want to do the school run myself every day!

Yanbu to be upset with your NDN

You can actually tell him, or ask him, did you tell my son Santa isn't real?
If he says yes I did... then that's your out
I wouldn't dodge it, I would say my piece abs be done with it.

"Im sorry ndn but that crossed a line, it isn't your place to do that and it caused a bit of upset to ruin Xmas magic. It worries me what else you might say to my DS without realising , we each have different views and different parenting styles and you ought respect that as I do your beliefs. I think it's best we take our own DC to and from school."

You are right to be annoyed by him, I said earlier in thread I would have been hopping mad. He's a Joy-killer!

If he says yes, or that his DC were the ones that did and he did nothing to stop them or ameliorate it, then you can decide.

But if as you say you don't want this arrangement anymore, you have every right to dip out of it.

It's lovely to have a shared lady's of school lift arrangements but not at expense of things you aren't happy with. You have to trust the person

I don't know any parent that would overstep in the way he allegedly did . It's mot his DC they are yours. I heard all sorts on the lifts I gave and never once did I Pooh-Pooh others beliefs! I listened and said "how interesting, tell us more.." It's exciting to enter their worlds, the stories I've heard about Easter bunny 🤪...

@user1490954378

Age 9 is not too old to still believe in Santa, and even if it was, the age thing is not the point anyway. It isn't your neighbour's job to tell other people's children that Santa isn't real, or to be telling your son what is right or wrong with regards to your son not sharing his (neighbour's) religious beliefs.I am a Christian but there is no way I would be having a conversation about Jesus with someone else's child. Religion is a very personal thing, and your son was well within his rights to turn around and tell the neighbour that he doesn't believe in Jesus. Someone said earlier that all your son did was basically argue about it, but he just said what he believed, and there is nothing wrong with that at all. The neighbour shouldn't have imposed his religious views if he didn't want them questioned! I think I would make an excuse about the school run from now on and say that you will not be sharing the task from now on, as you don't feel comfortable with your child receiving RE lessons on the way to school. Tell him you are atheists if it's the case. And make it clear if there is now any further trouble at school, you will be creating one hell of a shit storm.

That comment suggesting that children should not argue with adults irked me as well. Obviously I teach him to be polite and respectful but not to just shut up and nod when adults dictate what religious beliefs he should have.

It's the fact, as well, that when confronted he maintained without a flicker that we 'should really' believe in Jesus. And did that sort of patronising awkward grimace that some people do in place of a tinkly laugh, you know the facial expression? It's like when someone else makes an embarrassing social faux pas.

As I said, the couple are both of different religious persuasions so I would have expected that they would be quite open to different people having different beliefs.

Now I just need to find a way of taking my own DC to school without taking next doors kids every day too, with a minimal amount of confrontation.

Sorry about your DS's disillusionment OP.

We had the opposite. DS's friend came round to ours after school for tea etc. Told my DS during tea that Father Christmas wasn't real. I told DS not to worry, that he was. Bad friend then went home and told his Mum my DS told him Father Christmas wasn't real. His Mum was cross. Child had obviously found out FC wasn't real but hadn't told his Mum (maybe due to younger brother) he no longer believed, but saw this perfect opportunity to get my DS into trouble. He subsequently lied about my DS hitting him and similar about many other children, including in school. That family were the most unpopular family in the entire school because the mother believed him and caused a lot of trouble for people following that child's lies.

CraneBros: . Told my DS during tea that Father Christmas wasn't real. I told DS not to worry, that he was.
..........
Father Christmas isn't real. 'Bad' friend was telling the truth.

The fact that 'bad' friend then went home to his mum and pretended it was the other way around in order to appease mum shows what a tangled web adults weave around this myth.

When did it all start becoming so intense?

Of course he was out of line to say that to a 9 year old, what an asshole

My mum told me santa wasnt real about age 5 and I told her disgustedly that she was wrong! No harm done here but I cba with xmas...

cbs - 'Can't be asked'?

Cant Be Arsed

So OP it is Wednesday and you said on Sunday
Now I just need to find a way of taking my own DC to school without taking next doors kids every day too, with a minimal amount of confrontation.

Ummm, you just say

Why make it difficult with verbal shenanigans and avoidance

You just say
"Did you tell my son that Santa doesn't exist?
... yeah, ummmm, stopping lifts arrangement now. You take your children I take mine. "

Voila, minimal confrontation and minimal stress.