Neighbour told my DS that Father Christmas isn't real

[myneighboursarebellends]

My DS9 is in the same class in school as the DC next door, so me and the neighbour take turns to do the school run in the mornings. We have only lived next door to each other for just over a year and they have been ok aside from a run in over a fence, a tree, and their DC having a stint of being mean to mine in school 🥴 I have been so non-confrontational with all of this stuff because I have to live next door to them and don't want hostile relations with neighbours!

However, today's episode has really crossed a line for me and I need your help to understand if it is reasonable for me to be so fucked off (and to tell me what to do!)

DS has just said to me that on the way to school this morning, dad neighbour told him that Father Christmas isn't real. This is how he says the conversation went:
My DS: will you have elf on the shelf in your house?
Neighbour: no because elf on the shelf is fake. Just like Father Christmas, he doesn't exist.
My DS: yes he does!
Neighbour: no he doesn't. Christmas is about celebrating Jesus' birth, and Father Christmas is just made up.
My DS: well I don't believe in Jesus, so I think he is made up
Neighbour: what do you mean! Jesus created the earth, and all of us.
My DS: well I thought god was supposed to have created the earth

Ok, the whole god and Jesus part isn't so relevant, just relaying what DS said. But aside from telling him Father Christmas isn't real, elf on the shelf isn't real, and telling him he has to believe in Jesus, the man isn't even Catholic/Christian anyway. His wife is though (non practicing) and their family celebrate Christmas with presents and a tree and big fucking flashing Christmas lights on the outside of the house.

How DARE he tell someone else's child that Father Christmas doesn't exist! Who does that? I don't feel like I can let this go without saying something but I feel as if I need to balance my response being mindful that I have to continue to live next door to them! I don't really want to continue with the lift sharing but I am imagining the awkwardness of us bundling the DC into our own cars every morning whilst avoiding eye contact and then again at the other end!!

@BeTheHokeyMan

Only on mumsnet would you see a 9 year old child ridiculed for believing in santa

Yep agree!!! I'm always astounded by the numbers on here who apparently don't 'do' Father Christmas, having yet to meet anyone in the real world with primary age children who doesn't participate...

Your neighbour is a dick OP. I'd be pretty cross about that. Whatever your view on it it's not his decision to take... what's wrong with just nodding and smiling?!

9 isn’t too old to believe either! Some killjoys on here.

It’s not a matter of whether FC exists (I’d hope we all agree on that!). It’s a matter of making the decision to interfere in the childhood experiences of someone else’s kid. That is not okay. I wouldn’t tell someone else’s child their beliefs were rubbish unless they were damaging that child. Anything else is none of my business.

Nine isn’t too old to believe but it’s old enough to know the truth if it comes out.

@flaviaritt exactly!

@AlternativePerspective but can you not see how it isn't the neighbours decision to make?

@MaskingForIt

If your 9 year old still really believed in Father Christmas then I’d say you have bigger problems than what the neighbouring child said.

I would be interested to know what these 'bigger problems' might be? I have a few concerns about my adult D.C. now you have said that. She was 10 when she found out, almost 11 actually. I do hope she is ok.

I'd lose my shit over this. And I am pretty laid back and non-confrontational! It's totally out of line, regardless of your opinion on whatever age is too old, you DO NOT tell a child who isn't your own that!

OP: your son is 9 years old - what do you think is an appropriate age for him to no longer to accept that "Father Christmas" actually exists and brings all the goodies? Will it be when he goes to high school ? 17 (comes with the first driving lesson), when he flies the roost ?
Is he your only child / the youngest and it is you who are trying to keep this myth going for you?

@IgiveupallthenamesIwantedareg0 oh give over.

Year 4 is often when the blinkers fall of regarding Father Christmas.
It's sad that your child heard it from your neighbour, but, to be fair, many , many people have never subscribed to Santa . Most of anti-Santas just keep it to themselves.
However there are children who belong in a household that actively discourages any mention of FC ( I'm thinking of a particular branch of religion) and who often mentions the FC lie in Infant School. It has been difficult at times in our school.

@VestaTilley, that’s not a very Christian sentiment!

OP, I think your DS sounds great - definitely held his own. But I completely understand why you’re annoyed - you hope your kids will have the gradual realisation experience rather than the public disillusionment when it comes to Father Christmas.

The childs age and other posters personal feelings on when children should find out about Santa are completely irrelevant. It was a cruel thing for an adult to do to a child. I believed in santa till I was 10. I'm a normal well adjusted adult, I really wouldnt be concerned by a 9 year old believing.

YANBU. What an awful neighbour. I'd stop doing the school run together if you possibly can. Big overstep.

@Mustbe3ormorecharacters a typical fantasist? I'm sure a fantasist would have much more interesting things to make up in preference to a year 4 child believing in Father Christmas and not believing in Jesus.

I think he sounds absolutely horrible, who does that to a child? But I honestly don't see what going round there would achieve, it's done now.

I'd be pissed off too this was mire than likely his last year.
I'd definitely say it to him how dare he contradict the DC.
If he was asking was FC real it would be different.
It sounds like you'll fall out somewhere down the line may as well be now.

I’d knock, and frame it as a question.

‘Is it possible that you told Oliver this morning that Father Christmas isn’t real, surely not’ kind of thing. Let your flabbergasted expression do the talking for you, in fact consider saying nothing else at all and let him ramble awkwardly. Ask him what he hoped to achieve, and with hindsight whether it was his place to do it. All this in a calm, neutral tone.

For info, my 9yo’s class are all aware Santa isn’t real, but there are some who ‘keep it going’ for younger siblings and some who’ve figured out that a hearty and fulsome outward belief in Santa might score them more presents! Most of the parents just moved seamlessly from ‘Santa as a real being’ to ‘Santa as part of our family Xmas tradition’. Only drop the bits your kids wants to (like writing the letter, or going to see shop Santa).

@MaskingForIt

If your 9 year old still really believed in Father Christmas then I’d say you have bigger problems than what the neighbouring child said.

Don't be ridiculous

That is awful. Your neighbour has massively overstepped the mark.

I think you have to just stress to your son that it is absolutely fine for people believe different things but that he can absolutely believe in Father Christmas if he wants to.

My kids have all been 9-10 when they’ve realised / found out. I have never lied to them though...we did whole Santa thing when they were little but as soon as they actually asked we told them the truth.

I would be absolutely tempted to feed some atheist / humanist facts to your neighbours child though.

I think that's bloody outrageous, I'd be fuming! DD11 and DD9 in my house still believe in the magic. They quite often ask me if he's real and I just use that old chestnut "if you don't believe, he won't come!" I'm sure they don't really believe in the typical sense, due to their classmates, but they still seem a bit convinced and elder DD is nearly 12 and at secondary school! I'm sure she doesn't confess that to her mates though lol.
IMO 9 is too young and it was categorically none of his bloody business, miserable bastard! Your DS gave a great response bless him

MaskingForIt
Horrible comment. Nasty bitchy

Your DS sounds fab, he held his own there! Chances are he’s a logical thinker who was probably on the point of questioning FC’s viability anyway, given that he’s capable of discussing Jesus’ existence. Your neighbour is still a spiteful bellend though.

I'm quite surprised by how much flak I am getting because my 9 year old still believes in Father Christmas. Firstly, it wasn't the point of the thread, secondly I am well aware that this would have been his last year of believing, even tentatively. Christmas is just a few weeks away, why spoil it just weeks before the day after a crap year?